You say she wanted a chance to make a good first impression but it wasn't like she had only ignored telling him she actively went out of her way to make sure he didn't know the truth. So like I said doesn't that ruin her first impression by threatening his friend and going out of her way to keep her last name from him? I just don't see how you can make a first impression much worse then threatening a person's best friend and practically lying by going so far out of her way to keep her name from him.

If this was to make a good first impression then what would a bad first impression be? Imprisoning Harry on a island and making him her immortal husband against his will? Maybe if we are comparing Calypso's then yes this Calypso's first impression was vastly better then the Calypso from Greek Mythology.....congratulations?

 

That's not a threat. Please, try to distinguish between what was written and what was speculated.

 

This

The issue has been resolved let it go.

Now then on the story itself is simple while the plot is engaging and it has potential to be great or shitty depending where you go with it. The characters themselves feel real and have likability especially young Harry although the OC's have a tendency to be blank at times. All in all I like it 4/5 Write moar.

 

My mistake I wasn't clear enough. During her explanation she talked about how she wanted his first impression of her come from her and not others so I took the first impression saying as being everything between her meeting him all the way to telling him her last name. Which includes the convo where Krum talks with her and she threatens him. Maybe first impression isn't the best saying for that part but I don't know what else to call it.

 

She doesn't threaten him....

What does she do? She interrupts him ... ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!!! Krum better watch out those words getting cut off before he got them out are gonna ... do something ...

If you spent the same amount of time reading the story as you did commenting on it you'd have gotten that by now.

 

I was talking about the part where Krum goes to find out what Calypso plans on doing and she threatens to get her father if Krum gets involved.

 

That confrontation is irrelevant, as Harry wasn't part of it. Her whole goal is to make a good impression on Harry so that discovering her last name doesn't destroy their relationship. Harry wasn't with them during that confrontation, so it has no effect on him.

 

This this this.

No more bull shit debates till the story is updated mmk?

 

Well, I've finally caught up on all of the story's major parts, so get ready for my particular take on it. There are several points I'd like to address, so sit back, and feel free to knock me down a peg if you want. (Sorry if I'm sounding arrogant; that's not my intention. I also don't mean to sound like a retard either...)

Firstly, Kira. Prideful, arrogant, blood racist, yes I find her really annoying but it's also Harry's reaction to it that I find irritating. I don't think he'd try to tolerate her just because she's Viktor's GF, especially not with reasons as severe for her dislike. Maybe he wouldn't argue with her or try to start an outright confrontation, but I think he'd at least be resentful and a little angry towards her attitude. Krum trying to make them become friends is near to impossible in my opinion, and I think he'd know better than to try. And while I'm on Krum, why does he put up with her blood-racism in the first place? From what others have said it sounds like he's blood racist or at least a pureblood himself, but I don't remember him being blood-prejudiced in GOF or inclined to support their ideology. If that were so, why would he be friends with Hermione, a "Mudblood" herself? Remember, when Krum confronted Calypso he made it sound like he was disdainful of Voldemort; why would he support the views of someone he views as such?

Onto Calypso... I really don't know what to say. The way you wrote her made it sound like she had "plans" for Harry Potter, and not altogether the good kind, yet it just looks like she was trying to prevent him from finding out her last name for fear of alienation. WTF? If I missed something here, someone please enlighten me, because I hate sounding like a total dork. I do agree she revealed her surname awfully quick when Harry entered her room, even if she assumed he knew already in order to enter the room or that Rosier is a common name. (Is it?)

The Ravenclaws and their attitudes, while mean, did not really seem as cruel as Harry says later. "They all hate me..." It really sounds like he's exaggerating it. There are just a few lines where their dislike toward him is shown, and it's not really apparent. For that matter, Harry also sounded really childish when talking about it to his parents and profs. I know he's supposed to be a kid, but to me it sounded like he was whining about being bored and having no friends. Could you maybe have added he felt a little useless going over stuff he already knew? With his character, I'm sure he felt this way.

I'll leave all of you to dissect this as you please. And please go easy on the newbie... this is actually the first forum I've ever joined. Here's some last questions.

Will Lily or James or Flitwick or even Nathan ever talk to the Ravenclaws (or their parents) about their stupidity driving Harry, a very gifted student, to Durmstrang? I was hoping when Nathan got back to Hogwarts he would at least be a little cool towards the Ravens, but we never saw that. Maybe you could mention it during the summer hols? To that end, will Harry ever get revenge on the idiots who made his life hell?

The part about Nathan, Ron, and Hermione going out and meeting Fluffy still makes sense since in canon they didn't have the Cloak at the time, but how can they go through all that other stuff again? I don't think James would give the Invisibility Cloak to Nathan because that would be definite favoritism — something Lily and James have been trying to avoid. Maybe Hermione cast Disillusionment Charms on them? But that's a really complex bit of magic for a first year...

If Harry was having trouble with the material he already knew, couldn't he have been home-schooled? It's said by Lupin in DH that parents always had the options of home-schooling their kids or, indeed, sending them abroad. And there IS evidence to support this in the canon; look at all those parents withdrawing their children from Hogwarts in HBP! They HAD to have given them an education somewhere else, they didn't very well just send them out into the world to pursue their own careers with half of their schooling complete.

Is Nathan's full name Nathan Sirius Potter like Harry James Potter is? Just some interesting tidbit I thought you could play with.

Nathan blaming Snape for being short to him seems awfully petty and immature; surely he knows Lily and him are friends? Besides, if Lily could tell Harry, she could tell Nathan, there's no reason not to. Also, I don't think Snape would be "over the line" cruel to Nathan, because he wouldn't want to hurt Lily in any way; that's probably why he chose to save Nathan. More likely he is just short and a bit meaner than he usually is.

How is Voldemort's plan going to go in the GOF? In canon, the whole point of Voldy trying to get to Harry was to ensure the blood-protection of his mother would be part of him, and thus, he assumes, making him inherently stronger in his physical form. With no sacrifice and Nathan's mother still alive, this renders that null and void.

Sorry if it seems like I'm pressing you for information, I'm just trying to give you ideas to toy with.

I hope you continue to work on this as it really is a good story. Hope you have a good holiday.

Cheers!

Merry Christmas

 

If you dont want to sound like a retard, then maybe changing the font color to black wasent the best way to go about it.

 

Since you're new I'll give you some advice. Log in to your account and go back to your post and click the edit button at the bottom. Then change the font color and maybe we'll read your post.

 

Fuck I thought he updated

Instead I get a slow lurker smh

 

I'm going to assume this means you don't know how to change the color.

1. Copy the text from your post into Word or a plain text editor (Notepad is one) or a plain text email.

2. If you copied the text into Word: Select "clear formatting."

3. Click "Edit" and paste your now unformatted text into the field.


^^ That should do it.

 

Ah now it's working. Thanks.

 

Umm... I'm not sure if I'm missing something but shouldn't this be in alternates?

 

Will there be any mention of motive?


I know you told me to stay out of it, but Snape is threatening Professor Quirrell! After my last Quidditch game (we won by the way, Dad was really impressed at how fast I caught the Snitch.), I saw a cloaked figured run out to the Forbidden Forest. I followed him from the air on my broom, and I saw Snape and Quirrell talking. Snape said something about needing to know how to get passed Quirrell’s ‘Hocus Pocus.’ Hermione said that’s (aever)? mentioned that before. Muggle term for magic, weird that Mum n

The spell struck Calypso in her chest, causing her to scream and fall to her knees. Not a second later, Calypso's head snapped back and blood seemed to erupted erupt out of her mouth, soaking the area around her. There was a mad rush as people began jumping out of their seats and turning tables over to avoid being hit.

 

Haha the last paragraph made me laugh.

Good stuff as always. There wasn't anything that really stood out to me as being in need of improvement.

Edit: Hmmm just noticed that the attacker was named Burke, any relation to the shopkeeper I wonder ?

 

Depends on how you look at it.

 

Good to see you back Santi. Overall it was a pretty good chapter.

I was definitely looking foward to seeing what came of the inevitable confrontation between Harry and old man Rosier and you did the scene well. Just enough tension but not overmelodramatic.

Still looking forward to when the Potters find out about Calypso and Harry's Dark Arts classes

 

You're looking for the adverb here, not the verb.

Again from the letter - if the point is that Nathan doesn't have perfect spelling then it's another matter, but that's not really what it looks like.

Cliché alert flared a bit for that paragraph. Nothing exceedingly bad. The rest of his characterisation is well done, so congrats on another good OC (or as good as).

The spell creation part is intriguing, but please don't go too far with the magical theory, and be careful with what you describe. I would find it hard to believe that wizards bother with precise rotation angles for regular spells for example - don't make it improbable or too complicated.

Good chapter.