All in all, I just wonder if Calypso wasn't ready for how much powerful this spell was from Harry, when he did it right. But it's hard to tell with normal spell effects, so unless Santi will show her POV, we will never know for sure.

 

The only nit-pick I'm going to make is did you really have to name the incantation of Trauma Curse, traumata. Feels kinda silly. You could have gone for something more creative.

Other than that, I think someone mentioned that there was a lack of action in the story. I concur. I am not talking about action as in high-pitched duels but rather the drama. So far, you have well-established the base. You've introduced Durmstrang and have done a good job on differentiating it from the Hogwarts. You have added the OC's which are pretty interesting. But we haven't really seen much of anything else. What I'm talking about here is that I've yet see where you are taking this story. The only really interesting thing that has happened is the hint of a conspiracy of some kind hatched by Rosier and the slight Grindelwald arc but that's about it

Also, you have shown quite clearly how Durmstrang is superior to Hogwarts. I think you should also show how Hogwarts is better than Durmstrang in certain cases.

There were some other points that I did not care for much in the beginning of the story, but I guess I will mention them later as its been while since I read the earlier chapters.

Overall, a good story, I'm enjoying reading it. A bit more development of the plot would be nice.

 

I figured it was shown every time Harry was assaulted by his fellow students or by the fact that the teachers were forced to take an oath not to hurt a child (If I remember correctly. I might be screwing something up).

 

Just to clarify, I wasn't referring to the social interaction of the students of either school. I meant the curriculum that is followed. As it stands Durmstrang is much more superior to Hogwarts in terms of its educational policies. A balancing act to show that Hogwarts is also good in its teaching would be nice.

 

That's what canon was for.

And its kung-fu was proven weak. Very, very weak.

 

Would that not destroy the point of the entire story?

If Hogwarts education is equal to Durmstrang, then why would Harry have needed to move? The answer is that he would not have. This story has established (as I understand it) that in Hogwarts virtually everyone learns magic and graduates, but this means that the difficulty level and the rate at which things are taught is low so that even the slowest&poorest students can keep up.

Durmstrang however is a lot harsher in its difficulty and this means that many fail, but those that manage to keep up end up learning much more and much faster than the average person in Hogwarts. That is how it was described, and that is why Harry wanted to go there, because he was one of those who could excel and who was being held back by Hogwarts "teach to the masses" approach.

 

This. It should be that not many graduate from Durmstrang and most ends education in fifth and sixth year. This way, the one who does are elite, but it is Hogwarts, with their masses approach and high graduate stats, not to mention probably very good overall OWLs and NEWTs results, that has title of the best school.

 

I really liked the chapter, even if I have the impression (maybe mistaken) that it's a little rushed. I can't exactly explain why, it's just a feeling.

I have also a little problem with Rosier not taking the oath even if it is at the discretion of the Highmaster.

Someone could say that by not taking Rosier's oath, Karkaroff is putting his students in potential danger, thus violating his own oath to not harm the student.

In case I'm not clear, and from my understanding, : Karkarof has taken a vow to not harm the students. By not taking the vow of Rosier, he implicitly (or explicitly) accept that Rosier will be able to harm the student, thus violating his own vow not to harm the student because by doing nothing he will allow the student to be harmed by a teacher and as the highmaster, it’s his job to make sure that the teachers can not harm the student. (I may have read to many books written by Asimov...)

 

Are you serious? Durmstrang has been shown pretty much as the worst school ever. In some aspects it enforces a strict discipline, but still lets kids to be cursed in hallways - and even actively encourages it. Also, by catering to the most gifted Durmstrang forgoes everyone else. Teachers are allowed to pick favourites and torment and humiliate those they dislike. And, after the newest chapter, it obvious that at least Harry's Dark Arts education has been subpar as his teachers had apparently forgot to stress the importance of a proper focus.

Harry might profit from Durmstrang education, but your average wizard would be better off in Hogwarts.

 

"during the summer then the winter" - than

You've switched font. Was that intentional?

"of first year’s in a" - years

"it’s kindof sad" - missing space

"n the years to come" - missing capital I

"remembered all to well" - too

"Before your parents or the Weasleys could get back to Nathan and Ron" - I know it's canon, but how long does it take to apparate ten feet? And the adult Pottes were there, with their only child (who is in the country) "missing"; how long would it take them to apparate to the muggle side of the platform to look for Nathan?

"talentedwizards" - missing space

"to be willing drop this class" - willing to drop

"terror.The duration" - missing space

"are a direct result of the power" - you wanted to say "are proportional to the power"

"make other’s fear you" - others

The protagonist not knowing to use intent to make the spell work and not knowing finite doesn't eliminate the effects of dark spells is not in line with your characterization of him as not-stupid.

EDIT: Thanking Calypso for her help is not enough. He should offer to do something for her as payment for her help and sacrifice -favors need to be repaid unless you want bad feelings.

 

This, and,

This.

A "superior" school would depend highly upon who created the qualifications. However, I would favor the vast majority over the rather small minority in this case--especially in this case.

The vast majority qualify a good school as one that educates the most students well enough. For example, a school that graduates 95% of its students and 96% of those (2 standard deviations) have a 75%-85% average.

Only a minority of people would qualify a good school as one that graduates only 5% (exaggerating to make a point) of its students, but all of them have 99%-100% averages. In fact, a school like this would not only be a bad school in the eyes of the general public, but likely a colossal failure and permanently shut down so it could do no more harm.

In fact, the school Santi describes sounds like a school for the gifted--from HELL--and should probably just get rid of its freshman year since no self-respecting wizard would even WANT to send their kid to such an institution unless their child clearly showed talent beyond their years in a school like Beauxbatons or Hogwarts. Other than the fact that Santi actually has a freshman class enter the school, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash if 100% of its students were all prodigious transfer students. Harry shouldn't be the exception--the way Santi describes his Durmstrang, Harry should be the norm.

 

It might be useful to show how forcing the students to specialise so young leads average students to have severe deficiencies in some areas. Harry went to Durmstrang because it was a better match for him, that's the important part. The Durmstrang student body isn't made of better wizards.

Personally, I've already read ASCAL once, and those who want to read it again can go ahead.

 

I believe he is talking about the story A Second Chance At Life.

 

I doubt that The Santi would have this fic end up like ASCAL. That fic is fail from start to finish.

"OMG, HOGWARTS IS SOOOO SHIT."

How about no.

 

I remember reading that, I think I got like halfway through read about Vampire Clan Lords fighting some big war that was the central focus, gigantic thunder birds wreaking havoc and Harry wasn't even called Harry anymore and I completely forgot what I was reading originally.

 

EDIT: Sorry didn't mean to post here.

 

As much as this is awesome, I personally and getting tired of how the school is. It looks more like some school whose only purpose is to create drama and evil. I understand of having a more, well evil school, but this just feels stupid. The dark magic that only seems to have the goal of creating an evil student, the random abusive students, the lack of care from the teachers, the lack of humanity, and all the rest of it.

It is starting to get as bad as Beatened and Abused Harry in the sheer convenience to make Harry evil.

 

Wasn't there meant to be a time skip at some point in this story?
While I am still enjoying this a lot, it's more due to the fact that the beginning of the story was so damn good. Right now, not much is happening other than petty squabbles between classmates and the very beginnings of a plot which will probably take at least until 4th year to be revealed.

Imagine if the Harry/Malfoy animosity was the central plot to the HP books, thats kinda what this is turning out to be.

That being said, your writing has improved immensely since you started fan fics, and as this is your story to write, I can only offer suggestions from a reader's point of view. As it stands, it was enjoyable, and I do hope there will be more to follow quickly.

 

Haha, knew it. Legilimens (yes I know I butchered the spelling) would explain the dueling ability as well as her ability to tell when Harry was lying to her.

Also, Calypso came across as extremely arrogant and bitchy this chapter, I don't know if you were aiming for that but that's how it read to me. Honestly, the reason she and Kira hate each other seems to be because they are so alike in personality.

It wasn't overtly obvious to me that Havard set up the confrontation. If you want to clarify maybe you could change

to "There, now we won't be overheard. I've been looking for a chance to talk to you Potter".

Although, I suppose that doesn't read very well either, so meh.