Yeah...it's got pretty good scenes if you read into it. Let's see chapter 11...I like the scene you the woman and the male explained their ahm...coupling. A bit classic, but still pretty funny especially with the embarrassed expressions tossed in. Though the...ahm bit with the I'm guessing big guy getting his wife pregant in her 'child' form was a bit weird. (Yeah, ok I saw that cause I happen to be pervy tonite..sue me.. )

Actually there was some golden moments I liked, like the slight tear jerky moment between Cathaoir and his daughter. The idea that the daughter was hurt because she thought he thought she was too weak. That was very nice, exactly the kind of idea I would fish up.

But I stand corrected by what I said about the story's complexity and I am almost positive that accounts for the lack of reviews. (same for me too) It's just if a reader's confused, he's not likely to write a review, because good or bad...he's just confused lol. You are also going way out of HP universe (also a problem of mine) so...expect to lose people's interest.

Have you considered making a list of the characters with brief descriptions. I really suggest that, cause when I'm confused on something in your story I really...don't want flipping through the chapters because they are HUGE. I mean your story is 100k words already. I think you need to find ways for the readers to digest.

PS: I asked already but is that avatar a ragnorak valk?

 

Hmmm... good point. I have a large file that keeps track of everything in my story like the time and date certain things happen as well as characters. I'll do that starting with the next chapter.

The avatar is just a valkyrie. If you mean Ragnarok, like the one I mentioned in my story, then no, that's not where I got my avatar from. Ragnarok is a MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) that I play. I get certain characters there like Leon and Margaret, who are derived from the Monk Character in the game.

Even the monsters are from that game like the Elghinn, which is actually the Baphomet and the lower ranking version is the Baphomet Jr. That reminds me, I better add that to my disclaimer before someome pulls my story out.

Well, thanks for the suggestion. I'll be adding that at the bottom of each chapter.

Salamat po sa lahat.

 

Or as a separate story, though I guess ff.net doesn't allow that anymore...blah

Yeah, a data sheet would help alot, if only to keep the names straight. Good luck.

 

This story really didn't appeal to me. Not exactle sure why.

 

Fic has been deleted

 

Fic has been deleted according to Midknight. Might be a good idea to delete it from the Recycle Bin then. So bumped up for removal/moving.