1. Hey Guest, welcome back to DLP

    As you can see, we've changed our look. We've migrated from vBulletin to the Xenforo forum system. There may be issues or missing functionality, if you find anything or have feedback, please check out the new Xenforo Migration Feedback forum.

    Our dark ("Dark Lord Potter") theme is under heavy development. We also have a light ("Light Lord Potter") theme for those happier with a light background and darker text.

    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Please be courteous to staff and post NEW threads for NEW Issues, instead of posting them in threads that are not related to said issue.

[Abandoned] Harry Potter and the Halfblood Auror by Chelseyb1010 - T

Discussion in 'Romance' started by Republic, Jan 31, 2013.

  1. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2006
    Messages:
    927
    Location:
    On Melancholy Hill
    Updated again.

    I've been an avid supporter of Chelsey's for a while, I feel that she's pretty much carrying Honks right now, but this story is just getting worse by the chapter...

    First we get Harry shitting on Tonks for sleeping with Coop, then we get underwhelming breakup, and now we have mediocre awkward moments.

    It's just getting tired.

    The story has lost momentum, and I'm fairly certain it's due to Harry and Tonks getting together so early on. Same thing happened in Rebel and the Chosen, friendship building, nice fluffy drama, they finally get together, and then meh... we spend the next 15-20 chapters just waiting for the story to end. Unlike Rebel, she actually deviated pretty heavily from canon here, but the story is completely lacking a real spark. No "Oomf", gut punches, or character defining moments, no points where the reader says out loud "Fuck yes!" or "Aww..."

    As a huge fan of Honks and Chelsey this kinda sucked to write, but I felt like I needed to actually say it.
     
  2. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,466
    Location:
    Germany occupied Greece
    High Score:
    4,495
    I think it's good that the tension between them is taking a backseat to real plot for the moment. There is the awkward meeting, but seriously, I don't understand the problem with it. It is completely understandable and expected.

    I'm more pleased with how Harry is getting proactive in his goals, without delving into terrible indy!Harry shit. Then there is the evolving characterisation of people like Neville. Mixing actual plot with romantic development is pretty good way to go about it, imo.

    I have seen nothing unrealistic or OOC, and the situation will eventually be resolved one way or another. I don't understand what your problem is. To each his own, I suppose.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2013
  3. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2006
    Messages:
    927
    Location:
    On Melancholy Hill
    That's just it, what tension?

    The breakup scene in a nutshell.

    Harry: No, please don't do this.
    Tonks: I think we should break up.
    Harry: Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Don't push me away...
    Tonks: No, seriously.
    Harry: I'll wait for you.
    Tonks: Don't.
    Harry: We can still be friends right?
    Tonks: *Walks off*

    It wasn't particularly dramatic, and frankly it wasn't even that interesting. This Harry has proven that he's capable of taking a stand when he needed to, and actually being rather emotional (even when he shouldn't be), but the one time where emotions (specifically anger) were actually really justified, they weren't there.

    I say anger, because in all honesty, the breakup was bullshit.

    I'm not talking about the fact that they broke up, if that suited the plot of the story then go right ahead. I'm annoyed with the way it was written.

    This was effectively,

    "I suck. We should break up."
    "No, I suck., Please don't break up with me though."
    "I've always sucked, this relationship was doomed to fail."
    "I know I suck, but can we still be friends?"
    "I suck too much to answer you"

    No logic, just forced drama.

    Evolving characterization of Neville? He has three, maybe four lines in the last three chapters. None of which indicate deviation from Canon!Neville, don't forget the end of first year, Neville has always had determination.

    I don't have any big issues with the plot, in fact this is probably the best plot Chelsey has written to date. I have a problem with elements of the writing, pacing, lack of tension in places where it's needed, and too much tension when there doesn't need to be, etc.

    I don't have a problem, I have an opinion.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2013
  4. oephyx

    oephyx Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,006
    Location:
    Not Europe
    It's in the Recycling Bin, which is not that hard to get into. Don't know if it got put in the Romance Section first and then moved, but for me this type of story is exactly why we have the Romance Section. It's as good a canon-friendly interpretation of the Harry/Tonks pairing as you can expect.

    That's a pretty impressive about-face given that it was "a solid 4/5" before a couple chapters you didn't like.

    I actually think that Tonks dumping Harry was exactly what needed to happen for this story to escape the worst romance pitfalls. It's interesting that everyone thinks Tonks is so much more mature than Harry, because I find her incredibly immature, and the way she deals with death just confirms that. Meanwhile, there's a good balance for Harry between acting his age and maturing faster because of his burden. The story sets up well for them growing up while apart.

    More important than the relationship bullshit, I sort of like where she's taking the story and Harry's character. It's not very sophisticated, but this is the type of story that first drew me in to the fandom. So all in all I think the latest chapters are an improvement on drinking hot chocolate mixed with coffee on the astronomy tower, and I'm curious as to where it's headed.

    Solid 4/5.
     
  5. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,466
    Location:
    Germany occupied Greece
    High Score:
    4,495
    It was in the Romance section up until the previous chapter. Some people changed their votes because of two chapters.

    It's funny, in a sad sort of way. The Romance section has fics much, much worse than this.
     
  6. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    362
    Location:
    ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
    The story got updated, and I for one disagree with the author on her decision to separate the Malfoy trial into two chapters.

    The investigation of Malfoy and his activities was the thing that started or was at least the base for pretty much everything in the story, and there was quite a bit of build up to this moment. I'd even say that it was the main plot driving the story forward somewhere.

    But for some reason the author shifted the focus too much on the death of Tonks' partner and her break up with Harry, somehow forgetting about Malfoy. In the span of 3 short chapters we've had nothing but reactions and thoughts of people, and finally when the trial was brought to the front, readers (me) were expecting something from the whole thing, but the author didn't deliver.

    By her own words, there was an end to this trial that she decided to post into a separate chapter. But I think that it was the wrong decision. I'd have understood if the chapter ended with Voldemort attacking the Ministry, ending the chapter with something to look out for in the next update, but right now I fully expect for Malfoy to be found not guilty in the next chapter, so the story will continue.

    In summary, short chapters don't work best when they break the flow of the story. Probably the whole thing will read differently if someone reads it without the breaks between updates, but with the current status of WiP the short chapters and seemingly sporadic scenes fail to make me happy a happy reader.
     
  7. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    362
    Location:
    ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
    This got updated.

    It's pretty much another filler chapter. Hopefully we will get some progress on the plot sooner than later.
     
  8. yourself196

    yourself196 Squib DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2011
    Messages:
    17
    This story has been deleted alongside all of chelseyb's other stories.
     
  9. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2006
    Messages:
    410
    Location:
    The root of mt. Olympus
  10. Seyllian

    Seyllian Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    310
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Jersey
    High Score:
    0
  11. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2006
    Messages:
    410
    Location:
    The root of mt. Olympus
    The Rebel and the Chosen is on the deleted fanfiction google drive.

    HP and the Half Blood Auror doesn't seem to be anywhere. So I uploaded it here.
     
  12. kasper

    kasper Squib

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2017
    Messages:
    7
    High Score:
    0
    It's a decent fic , one of the few good Harry/Tonks one i have read. Usually fics with H/T pairings use unreasonable and far-fetched devices to progress the plot , in this fic i found the progress believable albeit too slow for my liking 2/5
     
Loading...
Similar Threads
  1. vlad
    Replies:
    30
    Views:
    5,550
  2. Steelbadger
    Replies:
    86
    Views:
    31,619
  3. Nerdman3000
    Replies:
    21
    Views:
    18,660
  4. srikant61
    Replies:
    23
    Views:
    28,718