EXCELLENT CHAPTER!!!

I like how you downplayed Alicia (it seems like Harry and Her got WAY too close WAY too fast before. YOu also made Harry actually have to learn things unlike before where it seemed he was just RIDICULOUSLY powerful. (building his own house.)

I'm REALLY glad you made these changes, and frankly this is by FAR my favorite chapter. So, with that in mind, UPDATE SOON!!!

 

I know I'm kind of dragging up a pretty old topic, but I just had to say this.

Despite the fact people have turned against Harry for being a silvertongue, that is plusible, but this little dialogue really irks me. Auror's despite all arguments are extrmely smart people. While they could be egoistical, they are not fools and if they have been called on duty, I really doubt they would pay much attention to a kid shouting like a fool. And what the, thirty minutes late? I can understand the society is dysfunctional, but how can you possibally justify 30 figgin minutes with incompetence? That seems kind of stupid. And please, though I know just about everyone here dislikes and possibally hates hermione, i really hate these fics in which she turns on him in an instant. Though she does place a lot of importance on books and all, she has repeatedly gone against the popular opinion expressed in 'em. hagrid, houseelves, etc etc. She's been with him for five years, that does build up some kind of bond. And most assuredly that will not be broken just because a few books proclaim that he is dark. I've read so many fics in which harry does xx and bam, they fall apart as if they were barely joined. I assume that you would be above 15, and so you must have had at least one fallout with a friend or girlfriend or somesuch? in this case, aren't there ligering feelings? From both sideS? Regrets? Doubts? Even if the building is small, when its broken there fallout takes time to settle, same with relationships.
I really don't know why people don't even try to translate that into their fics. True, your's is far batter than most others I've read, but that still leaves me wanting a bit more depth.
Perhaps the most intriguing one in sort of independant, darkish Harry with a H/Hr fallout is City of Woe. True its the breaking of a more intamate relationship, but the regrets, the doubts, the sadness, the angst at something so precious being broken is beautiful... in a chilling sort of way. If only this genere of stories could carry over even a bit of that self-doubt and everything... it would be so much more amazing.
And no, I'm not asking for angst ridden shit. Generally speaking, I don't like most of the independant Harry ones because it's done without much detail to emotions. As important as plot and ass kicking is, choices is what defines us, and people are faced with, and make choices every moment of the day. This will make sense if you provide some sort of emotion commentry as well. In the end, he's only a 16 (whichever year you choose) boy. yes, boy, not man, not a creature who is so arrogant that he can never belive himself to be wrong, but a smart, 16 year old impulsive teen.
I'd read Rise of Chaos again and realized the reason I saved it was not just because it had amazing fight scenes and good logistics, but because it potrayed a very beliveable transformation, from a boy to a man who knows he has a very important purpsoe, but is not arrogant enough or dark enough to have no self-doubts. Also the way he clamours for hermione, while it was intentional or not, shows he longs for the past. It packs a subtle punch. And this is why'd I'd give this story a low rating.

 

I have too agree with "The Fine Balance", I hadent acually thought of it until I read what he wrote but a lot of stories would be better to have a bit of emotion between harry and hermione after a break, they could both not want to be friends but cant help insticts that have developed over the past years as friends.

Other then that is the story far better now that harry is learnign things slowly and will be even better when it is changed so he wont just almost conjure an entire house in a few hours

 

So, basically you dragged up an old topic to whine that it's not fair Harry and Herman aren't in love, and that theres no "Pough of Lurve".

 

Half-Right. The second half to be exact.
It irks me that there is no "Pough of Lurve" to be exact.

 

It's funny how it's only when the character pairing we like best falls apart that we go back to canon and try to justify that an author change their story to cater towards our own personal tastes.

You don't seem to mind how quickly Ron turns traitor or how convenient it is that Harry miraculously changes the rules of magic and discovers the way to make metal wands (I'm just trying to remember... been since jan that I last looked at this fic). But heaven forbid Herman stray from what JKR hinted at and you all seem to have extrapolated from.

Suddenly thick bushy hair is beautiful waves and tresses, and over-sized teeth are a brilliant radiant smile. Hermione has good qualities and bad qualities. This fic is playing off some of her worse ones, like her nagging, adherence towards books, authority figures, her belief that if she's unsure then her Headmaster, professors, parents, or adults will know better. Hermione's been wrong plenty of times.

Are you crushing like a schoolgirl so bad that you can't read a fic where she's wrong again?

If you want to complain, complain about the cheesy cliches in the first few chapters. Super special heir, visits in dreams, genetically passed on nifty 'gifts', secret uber power -compared to Merlin- unlocked on birthday, phoenix familiar that just happens to speak parseltongue, justification for unforgivables... and that was just the first chapter. Tsk, tsk, Lord Ravenclaw.

And of course I forgot Harry's soul bond with Herman. Wait no that's not right. And for the record, THANK GOD.

P.S. - btw Raven, more please? Soon?

 

Actually, those complaints have been voiced in so many reviews, so many times, they just aren't important me anymore. Amazing new rules of magic, double handed duel, harry becoming... it's all been done so many times, in so many fics it seems to have developed a logic of its own. There might be no basic in cannon, but it exists. And its existance justifies it. What I wanted to point out here, though i don't seem to have done it eloquently enough, was that there should be, in my books, somesort, anysort of emotional fallout, and that would be best emphasised with the debries of the relationship between H/hr, Hermione/Ron, and Harry/Dumbledore. In my books, he's closest to these three.

The change from a impulsive teenager to a cold hearted militarian is not a small one. Although you can just snap one day and carry out a good part the change instantly, if there is a gradual shifting of personality, there would also be somesort of inertia trying to hold it back. Yes, Using Hermione as this inertia, whether you want to use from friendship, or platonic point of view, to me makes the most sense, the point I'm trying to make it that it has to be present. He is not a machine and he is not arrogant enough to have no self-doubts.

I wanted to point it out here, because i find the writing style interesting, and I've been harbouring this irritation against those multitudes of stories that will have their Intependant Harry's bending like pretzels just to give him a boring new power, cut him off from his old friends so that he can freind Draco, and Pancy and whatnow and be drawn towards 'Grey' and 'Black' magic. It is not realistic, and frankly, for most of thsoe stories, I find it redundant. Since i clicked this link , hoping to find a exellent story as the author is an admin of this site, (and i had equated that with a very good writer concidering 'vash'), and i was sorely dissapointed, and thus I reviewed.

An example of what I'm trying to convey, is best shown in Years of Rebellion. it carries the plot forward and also, makes an emotional sence that makes it a very good read.

 

I just looked in the review responses at the bottom of chapter three (which by the way, review responses? tsk, tsk). "I like Harry/Ginny" <=- It's out there! It's admitted! And then again in chapter four's responses "Harry/Ginny is great" <=- omg. Raven lurves Ginny! Raven lurves Ginny!

Okay I'm done.

And I just skimmed the fic again. Err... I'm completely missing the point of your complaints here. So far we've gotten letters from Ron and Hermione, though Hermione's sounded more reluctant. Ginny helped the Prophet write a slanderous article... and that's about it. Until he ever has to confront them, if he ever does as an apprentice he's probably not going back to Hogwarts, there's no way to tell how quickly the relationship between the Hermanator and Harry has dissolved beyond repair. If it has. For all we know she's angsting away at the bad things the rest of the people at Grimmauld Place or the Burrow made her write. Doubtful... but considering the extent of the fic hasn't even brought them into the picture yet, it seems a bit premature to say Harry dropped them that quick. He hasn't really been forced to deal with any fallout, and I'm certainly hoping it won't be thick with emotional drama and angsty crap straight out of some whiny song. But who knows... maybe you will get your wish!

Then again, in the same review responses on chapter three he does say "I don't really hate Hermione, just Ron, but to complete the effect later he'll hate both of them." Ahh well... what a horrible thing to do a supporting fictional character in Raven's own fanfiction. So mean.

 

Well, dam. I actually went through the fic now, instead of stopping reading and only skimming after those letters, and i must say sorry for posting these unfounded complaints. It was presumptuous, and most importantly, it was a waste of time. Ah, well, edit is a very good button.

 

Where is the evidence in canon that Aurors are "extrmely smart people?"

All I saw was Dawlish being Umbridge's lapdog, attempting to stun Hagrid (and failing miserably), Tonks falling down fucking stairs while dueling, Kingsley losing to Bellatrix Lestrange in like 5 seconds, and Mad Eye Moody being captured by Barty Crouch Jr. In HBP the entired world went to shit with virtually every Auror in Britain trying to capture Death Eaters, and ONLY GETTING STAN FROM THE KNIGHT BUS!!!

There is no reason for anyone to think Aurors are anything other than run of the mil magical police.

 

I happen to think that so far the story is a choppy but has a good base. I enjoyed harry's revinge(sp). Please keep up the good work.

 

Really like this story, glad to here the next chapter is coming along nicely too, alot of good points in this story, basic plot and pairing being two of them. Def looking forward to more.

 

I'm having some problems getting throught the first chapter. Some things just don't make sence to me like why Harry starts talking to this silvertounge guy without thinking it could possibly be Vold, since that would be the first thing I would think once getting back to privet drive, just days after the ministry duel. The diaglouge is a bit weak too, very simplistic.

"Hello Harry Potter." the man said.

"Erm, hello? Who are you?" he said.

"My name is Edward Silvertongue." the man said.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Silvertongue...this certainly is a strange dream" Harry said.

"This is no dream child, I am here to speak with you about your true heritage." he said.

I will read on, although I hope this is the only chapter that is this rough. I just don't think Harry should be taking suggestions from somebody in his head.
Lots of he saids, and the man said.

 

very nice, i always felt Flamel was a great unused character and also ron is out of the picture earlyon for being a moron.

plus the goblins always are fun characters.

can't wait for some updates (and i guess rewrites)

 

I have to agree with you on that, the only auror(ex) that seems competent to me is Moody and maybe Kingsley too...


About Harry/Gin: Im shameful to admit that when i began to read fics(2003) it was my favorite pairing too... but know i think shes just a slut... and if thats offends you thats your problem...

 

It's a great story. That is all I can say

 

That has got to be the best prank I've ever seen, other than the time Harry dressed up as Voldemort and put on a broadway musical in the Great Hall. Can you imagine the Dark Lord singing? Or dancing?