Hey glad you came really liked your story. Though I'm not good with constructive crtisism so I'll just leave it at these.

You have a few mispelled/half-finished words in you fic I think ( though most authors do)

Sometimes a sentence or to doesn't make sense or seem finished.

well Thats it hope I didn't just make a fool of myself, but eh it happens

P.S Really like the Camber bit, I don't think Salazar would slide through a filthy PLUMBING pipe to get into his chamber either most authors miss that little bit.

 

very good story. refreshign and cool. not gay. btw, is he gona get with the row chick if the story continues long enough for it to be legal?

 

Another good chapter. Glad to see that Dumbledore figured it out, he's far from an twinkling idiot we usually see in Independant!Harry stories. It's also a great decision to have Harry skip first two years and start from the third. I mean, there are Dementors, Sirius, Remus... Will Dumbledore try to use them to gain Harry's guardianship? That could be a good move by the old man.

Oh, and what'll happen with Jack? You can't actually bring him along...

 

Yeah. Another good chapter. I agree with ip82, Dumbledore in this story is really a good character. The only question I have is: In which year will Harry attend? With the 1st years, the 3rd years, or will he be tested to determine his knowledge?

 

I loved the Dursley torture. But like ip said

I add the know-it-all.
In other words your fic's already a major AU so write Hogwarts like it too. As you can see people like it. And for the ones that ask for a H/G or H/HG or a H/L tell em to fuck off

 

I couldn't agree more. This fic is great. If only more people could write as well then there wouldn't be a need for people to come to check this site out.

 

Yes Try not to do Hogwarts like everyone else if only for some originality. Most are to lazy to write him in any other house so they stick with what is already in place, I'm sure someone with your creativity could do well with him in a diffrent house, also a diffrent house allows you to mold looked over characters like susan, hannah, Blaise (M or F) to better fit the story while by changing some more well known characters often times gives you shit from the H/G lovers.

Though that wouldn't stop me I'm not sure if you want the hassel. THERE ARE A L.O.T OF THEM!

 

It's funny for me to see other people arguing about this, because I had the same argument with myself not too long ago. I'll admit, originally I was going to put Harry in Gryffindor, until I realized that it would completely kill the story, both for me and the readers. So Harry will not be in Gryffindor, although he may end up being friends with some of the Weasleys at some point in the future.

You’re right about not bringing Jack along. However, he’s 16 years old, with his own flat and money in his pocket. I don’t think he’ll mind (I know I wouldn’t).

He’s going to be with the 3rd years. I’ll actually talk about that a little next chapter.

There are going to be many characters that Harry is "friends" with just because Row is friends with them. However, because of the way I've written Harry, it will be impossible for him to immediately form meaningful friendships like canon Harry did with Ron because my Harry doesn't trust anybody. That isn't to say he'll never come out of his shell (although maybe he won't, even I don't know), but it definitely will not happen immediately.

Row is Hermione's first real friend, so she and Harry are going to be friends pretty much by default. Hermione is also going to be a different character from the one in canon, my reasoning being that she is much more subdued after almost getting killed by the troll in her first year since nobody came to save her. For example, there is no time turner this year because although she's smart, she isn't nearly as outspoken in class as she was in canon.

The one thing I'm not going to do is praise/bash a character simply because of the way I already feel about them. I've never been a fan of Ginny in canon, but the best thing about writing an AU is that this isn't canon, so I'm not bound by that characterization. Right now Ginny is an 11 year old girl who is rather unimportant in the overall plot. I'm not going to make her a major character (good or bad) just because she is one in canon. Like all my other characters, we'll have to see what happens.

As for the ship, again it really depends on how the characters develop (although I have never liked H/G, so you're safe on that one). I won't say H/Hr can't happen, but the way things are looking it's highly unlikely because their relationship is going to be based through Row (it will also not be Harry/Row). I'm thinking about pairing Harry with a lesser used character, or maybe an older one, but there's really no telling until I get there. I had a lot of ideas for this story originally, and almost all of them have been changed or completely thrown out the window as I went along. I've had to completely redo my outline twice already.

-the Jack

 

It's so frustrating when Harry doesn't get credit for his achievements, but I guess it is needed.

One thing that I hope you never do again is that letter format chapter. That grated on my nerves.

I honestly can't wait till fourth year and the Tri-Wizard tournament.

Another thing: On Sirius. Perhaps it would be better if he just died or something. Having him around just complicates things, and with Harry's powers, I have no doubt that Peter will be captured this time, leaving a free Sirius who wants to adopt Harry.

 

Why is that a bad thing? That actually sounds like pretty interesting conflict - Dumbledore backing up Sirius/Remus for adoption, so he could have firmer control over Harry... err that is, provide poor Harry-dear a better enviroment to grow up and heal his emotional wounds, steering him away from the dark path he started threading... (coz Dumbledore will find out sooner or later about Vernon's little accident)...

 

I personally wouldn't like it, if Sirius died. It would certainly be an interesting conflict between Sirius and Dumbledore. If Harry accepts Sirius, Dumbledore would want to take - at least small - control of Harry over Sirius. How will Sirius react. Stand beside Harry or betray him. But whatever you do, I'll continue reading your story.

 

Great.

Sirius is a great character in canon and most FF, don't kill him. It will be fun if Sirius is freed just to see how Dumbledore will react when he sides with Harry's decisions.

 

There will be no killing off of Sirius, at least not for convenience. I'm not promising he'll make it all the way to the end, but he'll definitely be around for a while, at least.

-the Jack

 

Ok, Chapter 11 is up.

Not a lot going on in this chapter, just a lot of stuff that had to be mentioned before Harry heads to Hogwarts. Snape is a bastard, and we see the beginnings of some future conflicts for Harry. I also tried to make the letters from Dumbledore realistic in that he has an agenda, but he's very subtle about it.

Chapter 12 is coming along nicely, and I'll probably take it up through the Hogwarts Express so we get a little action. As always, comments welcome.

-the Jack

 

Still great. Snape was particulary cool, although I don't really understand his motivation for trying to adopt Row... Unless it's just to spite Harry? Well, if that's the case, this should turn out into an interesting confrontation between Harry & Snape.

Oh, and I loved how Harry wasn't shy with usage of Legilimency. I mean, in literally ALL other stories it's always it's not moral this, invasion of privacy that... If I were a mind reader and wanted to learn something from other person that could help me and/or save someone's life, I'd definitely do it, fuck the morals.

 

Most people don't do it for the sheer reason the blatant Mind Reading makes things ridiculously easy.

Many Authors don't realize that Legilmency doesn't allow you to search for what you want in the other person's mind, rather, you have to ask questions that elict emotional responses that link you to certain memories. Snape rises Harry with jibes, insults, and references ot his dead parents to bring him to memories of fury/pain/anguish.

 

Yeah, I screwed that part up.

I was trying to have Malfoy make a joke about Snape taking Row, but it ended up sounding like Snape was trying to adopt her. I changed it now though.

Snape wants her away from Jack and Harry, but not with him since he hates kids (just like my 3rd grade teacher).

I think that there are varying degrees of leglimency. For example, a leglimens can tell if someone is being truthful very easily using only a light probe. If they press slightly harder, they can see what the person is currently thinking about. This is what Harry does in the chapter with Lupin by asking a question and reading what thoughts it brings up. This is only using a light attack and is hard to notice, but it can only pick up what the person is thinking about at that exact moment. A highly skilled leglimens can also completely enter a persons mind to implant compulsions, or conduct an all-out leglimency attack like Snape would do to Harry in OOTP. In a full attack, I think that they actually can look for whatever they want, but there's no way to do it without the other person knowing and only Harry could do it without a wand.

The morals of leglimency are going to be a point of contention later in the story.

-the Jack

 

I like the new chapter. It's good that you don't ridicule characters just because of you don't like them. I hope you update soon.

 

Just a notice:
Canon spells it as "Legilimency".

Plenty of speculation about the skill at the Lexicon> http://www.hp-lexicon.org/magic/legilimency.html