Edit: Thanks, Swimdraconian

Subject: Harry Potter and the Lord's Lament by Selena Silvermoon - T
Title: Harry Potter and the Lord's Lament
Author: Selena Silvermoon
Rating: T
Genre: N/A
DLP Category: N/A
Pairing: Harry P. & Daphne G.
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: Something in Harry changes that summer between fourth and fifth year. At his trial he discovers what someone has been hiding from him since he was born. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4643123/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Lords_Lament


Now, I believe it my duty to bring this to the attention of the forum. I know some people are interested in this pairing so...hmm. This story has some interesting ideas (only the ideas) but the way that its written, its style, its context...I don't know what to make of it. Its confusing as hell... but I guess I'll let you all form your own opinions.

 

Format's fucked. Try this on for size.

 

Harry has knowledge and attitudes that he shouldn't have, given that this is a canon continuance. At times he displays them, at other times he appears to be as clueless as ever.

The set-up is pretty much a typical indy!Harry. Dumbledore has been keeping something from Harry that he just has to know (and yet never thought to ask about before now), Ron and Hermione bashing, Weasley bashing, adults trying to set up a load of kids relationships, etc. Not good.

The writing is average. Not terrible, but it doesn't blow you away.

2/5

And yeah, OP should be in a different format.

 

The title and name of the author easily puts up giant red flag warnings.

 

1/5. I've become a lot less forgiving of bland, unremarkable, poorly-written shit.

Sorry OP, what is the appeal of this story? The style is beguiling in its similarity to See Spot Run, I agree, but otherwise...

 

The pairing is indeed something I like very much. In fact, in terms of consultancy, Harry/Daphne has been in my top two HPships since May, '07. That's a really long time now when you think about it...

Which is why crap like this pisses me off. Go pollute some other pairing. Boring, unimaginative, zero character development, OOC!Harry with no justification.

0/5

 

Essentially this. Read it two days ago and only pushed through because I couldn't be bothered finding anything else to read. It doesn't improve, at all. It starts off okayish but rapidly goes downhill, seeming to lose characterisations throughout the first few chapters. Hermione is apparently incapable of believing Harry has a brain. All of Dumbledore's manipulations come to light (which is the challenge, essentially) in the trial but Dumbledore does next to nothing the whole time except stand by and watch it happen. Fudge and Umbridge hate Harry as in canon at the start, but by the end Harry and Fudge are friendly, Umbridge and Fudge both unwaveringly supported Harry's call for Lordship, and yeah... Harry starts talking like a pureblood within the space of a few lines.

1.5/5 (rated as 2, as it could be worse, but not by much).

EDIT: Here is the challenge. I swear at least a couple of others have taken it up, too. Here's a Harry/Susan one. It's better, but not a lot better. I'd rate this one a 2 on its own merits and pray to God it doesn't fail like the topic story did, but have little faith.

 

I enjoy Harry/Daphne a lot, I like fics that show what pure-bloods think about people like Hermione pushing for change without investigating things properly, and the trial in OoTP has potential as a point of divergence.

Unfortunately, I can't look past all those things that were added or red-conned without much development, and the increasingly sucky execution in some spots.

All in all, this is just another average Independent!Harry fic that has started to ruin itself in its latest chapters.

2/5

 

i read this a few days ago,my review is on the current pg1. It is ok but there is a lot of excess stuff that detracts from the plot, starting with the Kiley Davin OC ( self insertion?)introduced early on, and once we get to her, nothing interesting happens other than Harry thinking she is attractive, and possibly setting her up with either him or Draco. Its just not very exciting and most of the dialogue between HP/HG and HP/AD feels rushed also.

The story had a lot of potential, but it went pear-shaped after the first few chapters.

 

Hmm..like I siad before, I'll let you all form your own opinions. The reason I put this up is because of those who perfer this pairing don't end up wasting time reading a fic which, as was adequately phrased , " MY EYES FCKING BURN!!!"

The idea of...some sort of behind the scenes power group is appealing to me. There is no way in hell would I do it anywhere similar to this, but still....

Most fics tend to focus on some behind the scenes character who suddenly makes an appearance and causes power scandals everywhere he goes because every fart he lest out is like breathing in the fresh, morning air. I'd like to see a fic where that character was always there, always running things. You know what I mean? Like someone from canon who everyone immediately disregards as weak and useless.

 

Wow. This really is bad writing. I got to the point where...

Spoiler

...he's basically turned into Matlock in front of the Wizengamot, trading political favors with Lucius Malfoy, even while he forgot to wipe off his trouser leg from where Kreacher humped him. Go super-voice in his ear that tells him to do everything right! Yeah, that's great storytelling.

Do we even need spoilers for crap stories like this?

The characterization is horrid, the plot, unbelievable. "Donkey punch"/5 is too good for this story. I rate it "habanero juice in the eyes"/5.

The basic premise of the challenge, that the act of raising his hand (which is sort of lulzy) forks off an entirely different set of occurrences, could actually be made into a decent story. If you avoid the "shoulds" and "preferred" bits, it could be made to stay away from the standard tropes. That said, I find the mandatory lines:

Lolwat? That's about as inspiring as:

Must contain the lines: "Hello, Hermione," "she smiled at him," "and then he left."

 

I read the first chapter of this and knew right away that it was the type of writing I hate. A retread of about a thousand INDY! Harry plots, Dumbledore, Ron, and Hermione are all idiots, and Harry and Daphne are absolute perfection. So a 1/5 just because it is adequate technically.

P.S. Is it just me or does Selena Silvermoon sound like either a stripper at a fantasy themed strip club, or some dudes female World of Warcaft charter whom he masturbates to.

 

LMAO! I agree wholeheartedly. I saw the authors name when I was posting this fic and I got the feeling that if the guys a dude...he’s not coming out of his fantasy world anytime soon. And if it is a girl...she has major dominatrix fetishes-you can tell with the Lady club he/she talks about in the fic.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com" /><o></o>

 

Wait, I'm confused. You put a fiction up in the For Review not only knowing that it sucked, but because it sucked...

Will wonders never cease.

All you need to know...
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