Harry Potter and the Transfer Student by Enterprise1701-d - Rated T

Breed · Nov 30, 2008

Title: Harry Potter and the Transfer Student<code></code>
Author: Enterprise1701-d
Rating: FF.net rated T
Genre: General
DLP Category: General or Independant
Pairing: Harry/OC
Status: Completed
Summary: "A little experiment brought on by a bet with one of my readers. A new Transfer Student comes to Hogwarts, and her life in the school is anything but easy."
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Not your average transfer student story!

Liane, or Magus, comes from a completely different society to those our wizards in Britain are used to and finds the lack of Decorum applied to her in Hogwarts hard to deal with. She befriends Harry and Luna, and takes Harry under her wing, teaching him her ways and giving him a backbone.

I found this to be extremely well written (except for the lack of chapters) and very enjoyable. THe OC can be a bit of a stuck up brat at times, but it's better than a Mary-Sue.

4/5

Nukular Winter · Nov 30, 2008

This is an incredibly interesting story, with a refreshing lack of clichés. The protagonist is well drawn, and the first person perspective just plain WORKS.

Full marks.

(Wait, strike all that; reverse it)

Ryuugi Shi · Nov 30, 2008

Didn't really enjoy. Furthermore, the fact that this was a Transfer fic makes it worse.

Would give it 3/5, but it drops to 2/5.

Dr. Strange Lulz · Nov 30, 2008

Breed said: ↑

Pairing: Harry/OC

Transfer Student

Liane, or Magus
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Nope. Not gonna happen.

Zombie · Nov 30, 2008

Come on guys, give it a shot. I'm sure its good.

:awesome.

The Mysterious Nobody · Nov 30, 2008

If it looks Mary-Sue, and smells Mary-Sue... It's not Mary-Sue?

Wait, wut?

I'm almost afraid to read it.

Sesc · Nov 30, 2008

... er, what? The transfer-student is the archetype of a Mary-Sue by the very definition -- someone who comes into a story (literally!) and takes over the plot. You know, as in

Breed said: ↑

She befriends Harry and Luna, and takes Harry under her wing, teaching him her ways and giving him a backbone.
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...

(I bolded the relevant parts of that quote)

Breed said: ↑

THe OC can be a bit of a stuck up brat at times, but it's better than a Mary-Sue.

4/5
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I'm going to take a look at it when I got time, just to prove you wrong.

Peacemaker · Nov 30, 2008

What the fuck? I just tried to read it (shame on me) and was unable to continue after two thirds of the first chapter. No catch at all, sterile writing (at least no huge mistakes that hinder reading it) and a general premise that screams "self insert Mary-Sue"... I understand that I'll probably miss out on one of the greatest stories ever written since it most likely gets better and better immediately afterwards. However, I truly am willing to take that risk. 1.5/5.

Manatheron · Nov 30, 2008

.....

Under normal circumstances I don't mind a bit of OOC, and even a mary sue isn't such a bad thing when your in the mood for a super!harry, but seriously...

My name is Liane, the Magicwarper. My Assistant is Amy Icebender
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there are certain Cliche' lines that simply shouldn't be crossed. Ever. as far as I read (admittedly only the first chapter) this puppy is chock full of them.

1/5

Kthr · Dec 1, 2008

I dont know, I was afraid to even try this at start due the usual crap these fangirls come up with just to insert their names inside the potterverse.

Still, I was incredible bored and decided to read.While the transfer girl seems a bit like a mary sue, the constant request for the use of proper titles and respect during her stay at hogwarts / her conversation, while tiring after some time, was a welcome change from the usual "Call me Lord Potter-Black, old man".

The plot could be more developed though, since across the story there's not a single motion as to why she was sent to hogwarts, but that could be easily repaired by a sequel

I found it to be a good story in overall, and even if few of you would agree with me, i'll give it 4/5

edit: Ah, and I enjoyed the idea of her having to work her magic around a messed up core

Cathal · Dec 1, 2008

4/5
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Would give it 3/5, but it drops to 2/5.
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1.5/5.
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1/5
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I found it to be a good story in overall, and even if few of you would agree with me, i'll give it 4/5
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...

Oh, what the hell, I might as well give it a shot, although it does sound like a pile of stinking crap.

EDIT 1.8:

80k words in one and only chapter? Wtf?!

<link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CEugene%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CEugene%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CEugene%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"> Do you think my landlord will agree to call me “Magus” if I call him “Lord Master”? Seems like a fair deal to me.

Having friends is having weakness
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Yesss... Now, let the Dark Ssside embrace you.

Anyone else noticed the amount of "head dipping" in this fic?

I could feel the nobility within him, if only his posture and mannerism as I walked past with my Assistant behind me and the Lord Headmaster before me wasn't radiating the commoner I could see all around me.
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Please don't tell me it's gonna be Malfoy/Potter/OC love triangle.

Hmm, believe it or not, once you get into it, it's actually readable.

I hate it when authors take a certain resembling feature of an existing character and emphasize it to an extreme.

I'm a little bit more than half-way through the story (yes, I am a notoriously slow reader) and, despite all of its downsides, I find myself enjoying it. It seems, the problem everyone here is experiencing is suspending their disbelief on the earlier stages of the fic. Once you get past that, the story can be fairly enjoyable. Then again, I'm only half-way through.

Finished reading, will write a complete review in a new post.

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ZeroTheDestroyer · Dec 1, 2008

You got ballz to put this on DLP.

Sesc · Dec 1, 2008

Breed said: ↑

THe OC can be a bit of a stuck up brat at times, but it's better than a Mary-Sue.
Click to expand...

Ah, here we go. It's not better than a Mary-Sue, it is a Mary-Sue. She is teh awsum and everyone else at Hogwarts is a philistine barbarian (<-- my word, but then I just found her using it, lol). And since it's written from her POV, and in first person on top of that, her opinion == the opinion the reader gets.

So far, she told off the Headmaster on her first day, McGonagall on her second and showed her brilliance at Transfiguration, by doing lots of big shit.

I admit that it's somewhat amusing to read how everyone is a commoner, and to see her pwn basically anyone, but then, I just started. I don't see how that would work for 80k words, especially as by now, my eyes start to twitch every time I read "Decorum" (every other sentence); and the continued rants (to herself, the ones to others are (still) bearable) begin to get annoying.

But yeah, my mild interest stems from the fact that I haven't read Mary-"I'm better than all of you"-Sue clash with the commoners in Hogwarts in a while, and not because it's a Transfer-Student fic miraculously lacking a Mary-Sue.

Edit:

“Liane... can I...?”

I smiled slightly, and pulled the soaked covers off her, and held out a hand. Allowing me to pull her to her feet, I waved my wand to dry her sweat-soaked clothes, and guided her to my bed. “Get in, Amy.”

The girl drank the milk in one go, put the glass on my nightstand, and crawled into my still-warm bed. I crawled in after her, and threw an arm around her.

[...]

Unable to help myself, I planted a small kiss on her forehead ...
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You know, I'd rate it 5/5 at once if the Liane/Amy vibe was intentional, and it suddenly turned into hawt Mary-Sue and her best friend making out ...

azrael · Dec 1, 2008

The moment I saw the title, I knew reading this would be a waste of time. I read it anyway, and I was right. I didn't make it more than one or two pages before I stopped actually reading and skimmed through looking for any redeeming qualities, which I did not find. I give it 2/5, because it was at least well-written in the grammatical sense.

Synchro · Dec 1, 2008

Why do they all give Harry skill in occlumency or a device to that effect and yet he ends up seeing Sirius in the Hall of Prophecies? Why does the protection fail exactly then when it held strong since he saw Arthur Weasley being attacked? And the damn Decorum started driving me up the wall...it was like watching a drama from the Victorian era...

I looked at Harry, who seemed to search my eyes for something. He nodded, finally. “She's calm, Assistant.” He stepped forward, and hugged me. “You looked like another person, Liane. Please don't ever scare me like that again,” he muttered into my shoulder.
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Dear god. 2/5

Militis · Dec 1, 2008

What. The. Fuck. Is. This. Shit.

The mechanics of the writing aren't bad. No spelling or grammar errors as far as I could see, so I'll give it a point.

But the plot...based around a complete Mary-Su (an probably a self-insert) and her dutiful not-lover-Assistant, is a complete chunk of fail. It is readable, but it is fucking annoying, and reads like MacBeth. Maybe a little more modern, but still just as olde-time and annoying. (<-- Intentional spelling is intentional.)

1/5, just for actually not being full of spelling and grammar errors I guess. It really isn't even Bin worthy in my opinion.

Andro · Dec 1, 2008

Breed said: ↑

Not your average transfer student story!

Liane, or Magus, comes from a completely different society to those our wizards in Britain are used to and finds the lack of Decorum applied to her in Hogwarts hard to deal with. She befriends Harry and Luna, and takes Harry under her wing, teaching him her ways and giving him a backbone.

I found this to be extremely well written (except for the lack of chapters) and very enjoyable. THe OC can be a bit of a stuck up brat at times, but it's better than a Mary-Sue.

4/5
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You're funny.

Marzik · Dec 1, 2008

Not a terrible story, but it won't be well received here.

Readable, depending on your tolerance of Mary Sue and/or boredom level, but not worthy of the Bin here.

2/5

Manatheron · Dec 1, 2008

.... perhaps my boredom level simply wasn't high enough.... I'll try again.

Edit: well, either I'm still not bored enough, or else I was right to begin with. Harry takes an immediate like to the OC, Trusts them immediately and implicitly, Is willing to stand aside and let them Curse his appearently 'Former' friends for immature and childish insults, and learns more from them than from the teachers.

azrael91 did bring up a good point however, the spelling and grammar were impeccable, therefore it Raises to a 2/5.

ZanyMuggle · Dec 1, 2008

Nukular Winter said: ↑

This is an incredibly interesting story, with a refreshing lack of clichés. The protagonist is well drawn, and the first person perspective just plain WORKS.

Full marks.

(Wait, strike all that; reverse it)
Click to expand...

Obviously Nuke was yanking our chain. Breed's review makes me think Breed was as well.

BTW as far as the fic itself, -3 out of 5. With work, it could be worthy of the Bin.

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Harry Potter and the Transfer Student by Enterprise1701-d - Rated T

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DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Harry Potter and the Transfer Student by Enterprise1701-d - Rated T

Breed Third Year

Nukular Winter The Chosen One DLP Supporter

Ryuugi Shi Hierarch

Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

The Mysterious Nobody Auror

Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

Peacemaker Second Year

Manatheron Headmaster

Kthr Unspeakable DLP Supporter

Cathal Sir Nils' Right Hand

ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

azrael Professor

Synchro High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

Militis Supreme Mugwump

Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

Marzik Squib

Manatheron Headmaster

ZanyMuggle Third Year

Harry Potter and the Ashes of Chaos by ACI100 - M

Harry Potter and the Perversion of Purity by AC100 - M

Complete Harry Potter and the Balm of Time by ladylaughalot

Complete A Wand for Skitter by ShayneT - T

WIP The MARVELous Harry Potter by evildaystar.ca - M

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