Title: Harry Potter and the Ultimate Betrayal
Author: Mulledmead
Rating: M
Genre: Action/Adventure
Pairing: H/G?
Status: WIP, slow updates
Summary: Harry must learn how to destroy Voldemort, but he is the only person that has ever come close. Who best to teach him how to destroy Voldemort than Voldemort himself. Rated R for a reason. Read my warning at the beginning
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2183374/1/

It's strange none of you Ginny haters had posted this story before. This should be like a bible to you guys. If you don't know what I mean, see chapter 5.

 

Loved the start, but that's where it pretty much ended for me. Meh *shrugs* i suppose it could be likable?

 

i just read it.....it ok...is he like a half cat/man thingy? Bella is in so i might just read some more of it...

 

I liked ti... except the whole cat-ear-tpye-thing... but im willing to ignore that... it is one of my favorite stories though personally i love andromeda in this

 

post

I like this story

 

review

meh...........could do without the cat/human thing but is you just "forget" about it i guess it could do..........

 

Yet another long-ago-abandoned story that is no longer worthy of the library. This one, though, actually has an interesting premise:

Spoiler

Harry apparently murders Dumbledore at an Order meeting and then joins the Dark Lord. It's revealed later that D isn't really dead, and that he and Harry concocted a plan to get Harry accepted into the Death Eater ranks as an apprentice/spy. Things get interesting when Ginny is captured and Harry is asked to kill her. The moral dilemma would have been fascinating in another author's hands.

The problem here is execution, no pun intended. The author has very little sense of how to tell a story, and so the reader is deluged with huge blocks of text and endless dialogue that serves no purpose. Much of what's there is filler.

Chapter Three, I submit, may be the most boring chapter in all of fanfiction. It's titled 'Shopping,' and consists of, you guessed it, 10,000 motherfucking words of shopping. Harry buys a seven-compartment trunk, of course, and splurges on some dragonhide robes:

I was having flashbacks to Bubba and his endless list of ways to prepare shrimp. I have no idea why I kept reading beyond this point.

Anyway, it was abandoned four years ago and is no longer up to snuff.

2/5

 

It's certainly well enough written as far as the story-telling goes and I only noticed some typos and the odd error in grammar, though I'm not very good at English grammar so not sure about that. I was able to last to the end of the story as far as it was written.

There were more than a few nice points too. While I agree with darklordmike and will say that the third chapter with all the cliche shopping was a real bore and drag to read (I ended up skipping a large part of it), the way in which the meeting over Sirius' will was presented was quite good. There was also the usual Sirius-writes-Harry-a-letter plot point but it was done in a novel way that I've to admit I've never seen before.

In the sixth chapter, Ginny is basically revealed to be a slut, Harry tries to save said slut later, despite knowing of her sluttiness, and we have a gory kill-off that I didn't bother to read.

Spoiler

Of course she's redeemed in the end when she sacrifices herself (the source of the gory kill-off - to allow Harry to complete the ritual that Voldemort - now Harry's teacher, by Harry's and Dumbledore's design - has Harry perform. So its Harry doing the killing, though he botches the ritual.

The seventh reveals that Bellatrix and Narcissa are really trapped in their marriages and are planning to run away together after the war. There is more training and a chat with Dumbledore. Voldemort plans to attack the Ministry and kill the Tonkses. The story is abandoned after that.

All in all, not too bad. It is well-told, the reasoning isn't cringe-worthy and the revelations are handled okay. Some of the usual cliches are present but they can be ignored by not reading the shopping section of the third chapter that basically has nothing to do with the story as far as it has gone.

I don't think the story would stand up to a more critical view, though. It may have ended up being good if the author had gone through with it, but it could have done without the cliche and boring third chapter and definitely done without the cat's ears and tail that Harry ends up getting (Creature!Harry stories put me off because almost all such stories I've read have had some form of slash in them). And of course it is abandoned.

So I'll rate it 2/5 and say it isn't up to standard though it may just have managed to be, had the author bothered to finish it.

 

The ultimate betrayal... what, Hedwig doesn't want to deliver letters any more?