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[Complete] Harry Potter and the Wastelands of Time by this_old_dance (joe6991) - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Oz, Feb 25, 2008.

  1. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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  2. Dwitty

    Dwitty Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Hmm, I think I may be going senile. Or just getting dumber. It didn't even occur to me to check in-DLP for a thread when I was making my reviews on PC.

    I honestly did have a decent review for you for chapter 8, it just went away. Raven tried to explain to me why it didn't come through - I think - but I'll be honest and say I didn't understand what he said.

    I'm enjoying it, Joe. Keep up the good work. 4/5, 'cause nothing's perfect.
     
  3. Hadoren

    Hadoren High Inquisitor

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    I'd say that my favorite part of your new fic is the atmosphere you create when you write about a specific setting. It's something I've never seen in the Hero series.

    And I really like Harry's possessiveness of time and how he acts arrogantly in regards to the subject. It adds weakness to him.

    One question, though. How did Harry's Time-Turner originally get there?
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2008
  4. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Too true, buddy, too true. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

    Yeah I'm trying to steer clear of the pitfalls that made the Hero Trilogy a few levels too epic. Oh yeah, Harry's possessiveness of time is going to come back and bite him in the ass pretty hard.

    The Time-Turner he found in the chest had been put there a long time ago. It is part of a system of clues and riddles set up by a 'mysterious someone'. It will be necessary to find Atlantis, but I'm not telling ya how. The portkey-coin doesn't lead straight to Atlantis, either - that would be far too easy.

    Thanks for reading, mate,

    ~~Joe
     
  5. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

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    Of course the coin doesn't lead straight to Atlantis. It's like any good mystery...it only leads to another clue, and then another clue...and of course, Voldemort always beats Harry to the Lost City, anyway. One question about this...did he leave get the Ring of Concealment back, or did he end up leaving it there? Because if he doesn't have the ring to keep his identity hidden, it could lead to much more conflict for Harry...on many fronts.

    This is looking really good, Joe. Belerdorhan nailed the bit about details and settings...you're giving us a way into the story this time; we can actually see it. For that, you deserve groveling and worship.

    Dumbledore was a bit less exciting in the second half of the chapter than he was in the first...but I can see why you'd have to do that if you're getting rid of him for a while. I'm still hoping he'll keep the 'air of ancient magic' about him and come back to a key role helping Harry. Sure, they can keep attempting to manipulate each other, but I'd much rather see them attempt it as equals than as Headmaster and Student. After all, Harry's level of experience is pretty much equal to Dumbledore's now.

    All in all, I'm going to impatiently await the next installment.
     
  6. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Hey, mate - yep, he did pick up the ring, just before the fight started:

    “It’s okay,” I said, plucking the Ring of Concealment from the pyramid spike and placing it back on my finger. “The creature is imprisoned in chains of diamond and iron—”

    So no trouble there.

    Cheers for readning/reviewing,

    joe
     
  7. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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  8. Veri

    Veri Denarii Host

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    Good update.
     
  9. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    Quite the excellent new chapter.

    I wouldn't change a single thing about this story is given the option to do so. Everything is perfectly written, it has found a place among my favorite HP stories.
     
  10. artenry

    artenry Seventh Year

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    I'm definitely impressed.

    It's not often one come across a writer who's capable of weaving an epic story line with the concept of a time traveling mage - and magnificent writing, as well.

    I'm curious to the system of magic that's set up in this story - the fact was mentioned that the Harry Potter of that time wasn't fully capable of channeling the powers and abilities that he brought back from the Harry Potter of the future. Is the magic in this universe a reservoir of power that one can deplete, or is it just the ability to manipulate energy?

    Because if it's the latter option, it'd be mighty interesting to see what feats of magic Harry can accomplish (a powerful Incendio hex, a bone breaker curse, and magical web/slingshot cushionaside, that is).
     
  11. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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  12. Illution

    Illution Seventh Year

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    Your style of the King of Roses felt just a like a classic fairy tail. Nice job on the rhymes too.

    Making Harry experience new events given me a feeling of eerie and excitement. This is a well written chapter as always.
     
  13. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

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    Awesomeness Joe i've been following your fic since the beginning but have held off on reviews...till now of course.

    The cliffhanger you left was interesting though im confused in how he will be able to fight them seeing as how his magic was unresponsive when fighting the other two...would you call them demons? At the hotel in Italy?

    The timeline also has me sceptic in that you mentioned that the final battle will take place before the school year starts? So 2 months tops yeh? If so it just seems that everthing is going to move to fast and culminate in a very short time period? Kinda seems anti-climatic.

    Anyway 4/5 easy, 5/5 though at many points...particularly Fleur, anything more going to come of their current relations?
     
  14. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Hmm, you raise valid points here. Although if there's anything at all looking to kick Harry's ass in the lightning, it may be something entirely different from the creatures that could sever his magic. Then again, maybe not. We'll see.

    There will definitely be a battle before school starts, as with the way this story is going I reckon its going to end up just covering the summer before sixth-year. I think I may have a sequel in me, so it wouldn't be the final final battle, if you get what I mean...

    As for Harry/Fleur - in a word, yes.

    Thanks for reviewing, mate.
     
  15. neren

    neren Slug Club Member

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    Another amazing chapter! You're descriptions were spot on. I could picture the scenery, the lightning and feel the anxiety from the thunder. Lord Osiris brought up a good point about the demons. Will Harry fight them with sword or does he also know the weakness of the Bone men?
     
  16. Alexeyy

    Alexeyy Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    “Do you believe in Shambling Bone-Men, Fleur?” It was a funny question – the stench of sulphur was overpowering, acrid and harsh – a fucking hilarious question, but an important one.

    “’Arry…” Fleur grasped my upper arm.

    I began to laugh, and above the thunder, I roared, “Because I think they believe in us!”

    I loved the final line. My respect for you just grew. Any author worth his cookies must learn how to write that.

    ***

    I finally decided on my opinion of your-- ever-present cursives dramatis: I don't like them. And I finally remembered who was the first to come up with these-- lyric side-contemplations: it was you! I actually laughed when I realised that it was your Sword of the Hero, beflooded with millions of epigraphs for every godforsaken chapter, that first started to annoy me with what later became a trend in shitty fanfiction.

    I realise that everyone has his quirks, but I dislike your epigraphs, -- and now your mid-chapter epigraphs, -- with passion; if not for their literary un-merits, then at least for the example they stand to the countless wanna-be shit-writers, who try to copy your idea and nest shitty emo-songs before any chapter, and if ff.nazi would allow it, even at the margins, in the background, and between the lines.

    Come on! Those side-thoughts must bear some meaning, they can't be perpetually vague, what is their purpose? Or are they just supposed to bare your wit immeasurable to the reader?

    Ah, it's good to let out some steam.

    P.S. Oh, and this

    was not technicality-heavy enough to make one feel "out of his depth". My granma could have asked something like that, not your Harry-bloody-Potter, the life-weary adventurer. Here're some examples:

    "The railroads are the future of mankind! The trains run faster then the wind!"
    "But how do they turn, if they run in a straight line?"
    "But won't you suffocate, or worse -- be crushed by the wind?"

    Or even better:

    "The age of aviation comes near! We'll have an experimental aircraft in a fortnight!"
    "Oh! But there must be some difficulty in making it stay airborne."

    Do you feel out of your depth with these arse-holish arguments?

    The story gets 4.5/5
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2008
  17. fuubar

    fuubar Headmaster

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    This chapter really showed just how far you really have come since Sword. The characterization and interaction between Harry and Fleur was done exceptionally well. The fairy tale was also a nice touch, you have me wondering if it has some significance to the current events with Atlantis?

    So another outstanding chapter, despite that, I'm tempted to say 0/5 for the damn cliffie, you bastard... lol. Who am I kidding? 5/5
     
  18. Galleon

    Galleon DA Member

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    I like this....a different Fleur, but still in character. I only wish there were more scenes with Tonks. Still, a 4/5 for now; A potential 5/5 upon completion.
     
  19. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Thanks for the review, mate. Fight them with sword? Did I give Harry a sword? Fuck, now I'm gonna have to read back through it...


    Well, if I lose half a mark for epigraphs then I guess I'm doing good. This review made me laugh - thanks. Laugh a lot. Did I really start a crappy trend? Well, fuck - I never even noticed. The ones that are physically in the narrative and not immediately below the chapter title actually do have some meaning.

    Thanks again, dude.

    I've been reading/minor editing the Hero Trilogy over the last week or two and I can't believe I used to write like that. Everyone starts somewhere I guess. Oh, the current events with Atlantis are... not yet truly revealed. I don't actually have a full plan for that part of the story, just bits and pieces, but we'll see.

    Ha, fuubar, you're the tenth person to call me a bastard for the cliffhanger. You don't win a prize or anything, but still... Thanks for the full marks.

    Tonks is gone but not forgotten (for now). I'm shooting for that 5/5. Cheers, mate.


    Now back to writing, Joe.
     
  20. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    This chapter was very well written, as typically 11k words entirely at Fleur's estate would bore me to tears. Not the case here, although I'm rather looking forward to Harry setting out tracing Voldemort's steps again.

    Your time musings in this chapter confused me more than anything else. I thought it was straight-forward, that whenever Harry happened to die, he was always sent back to the same point. However, in this chapter, you talk about a eight-year maximum. Huh?

    Good chapter though, with a nice, creepily lead-in to the ending. I eagerly await what you have cooked up, ya bastard.
     
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