....Well thats made of herpes. Authors choice I suppose. Thanks for the correction.

 

I'm too young and lazy to remember what the technology was in 1991-97 . . .

That, and any technology Harry uses has a purpose . . .

Speaking of which, do people have a problem with it? People have bitched to me about it in PMs, but I just ignored it. Their main issue is why Harry is the only one who can do it and what not . . .

I just remind them that charming muggle things is illegal in Britain, but its common practice in the rest of the non-European magical world.

I've also had a few people complain about how stupid it is for Harry to get it to work on 'magic'. Well, I just don't know what to say to that . . . I'm not all that knowledgeable on how magic would affect technology IRL and how one would bypass such problems.

I'm mainly pointing these things out so you can, if you want, express your complaints and I can try to address them.

One complaint made me almost bang my head against the table at my own stupidity. That was in regards to the Potion/ritual that's supposed to cure Lily. I re-read what I said it was supposed to do and I came to one conclusion . . .

It pretty much says it'll make Lily young again . . .

That wasn't the intended effect of the potion, nor did I plan for it to happen. I just pulled a unique and bizarre sounding potion out of my ass so that it's believable that trained medi-wizards weren't able to cure her.

When i update next, I plan to go back and change it so that it ' . . . reversed the effects of the last offensive spell cast against the target of the ritual . . .'

Parselmagic is the strongest medic-magic in this HP world, thus the whole thing with Asculapius being considered a 'god of healing' because of it.


Another issue I found people had was Harry finding 'infinite knowledge' from Slytherin, the CoS and his portrait, etc.

The only 'knowledge' Harry was able to get from Slytherin was the man's notes on the different aspects of Parsel magic HE had studied and taken notes on. PARSEL MAGIC, that's the only magic Harry obtained from there.

I really didn't see a plausible way, otherwise, for Harry to be proficient in the art by the time he graduated unless he found such a source of Knowledge early on.

His first bit of actual Parsel magic will be coming up sooner than later. It'll be a set of complex wards, I'm fairly certain.


Now, I have a question to ask:

Does the fact that I don't show Harry (all that much) training, and the exact details of his learning, bother you? I think that it'd be better to wait and see when he uses the spells and knowledge he has in practise rather than have the surprise ruined beforehand and be like 'meh, I saw that coming' when he actually does it.

Right now, you have a vague idea of what he specializes in, but my not showing him performing any real feats of magic other than using the Fiendfyre, adds to the suspence, I think.

Your guys' thoughts?

Adios

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You just nailed every plot point/part in your story that tends to hit that cliche nerve that aggravates a lot of readers.

My particular annoyances were the future skip, making technology work so easily (someone far more dedicated to that venture would've tried much sooner than Harry), and the lack of training we see. That's just me though.

I think the time skip is a cop-out for lazy writing. You obviously write a lot but a lack of research is what destroys a lot of actual authors so it tends to persist when I critique even fanfic authors. The technology thing frankly I completely ignore when you write about it. Harry's very smart in this fic, yes. But you're saying one muggleborn didn't dedicate their life to trying to solve this and Harry could before his maturity? Teenagers can be smart. But this solution is something that a wizard or scientist would be working at his prime to solve and a teenager's formative years is not that time. As for the lack of training, I just like reading about the training a character undergoes at times. Authors tend to explore their take on magic there and it shows the author's ability to write and research more than other authors.

 

It doesn't really bother me, just one of those little things yu find in every fic. To be honest if you started to go in-depth with Harry's training I would probably drop it.

Too many fics have whole chapters devoted to Harry running laps or casting silent spells or some shit. The lack of that works pretty well in this fic.

Oh, and it's a pity you aren't going to make Lily young again. Harry/Fleur/Lily would make for epic smut.

 

I'm still holding out hope for Lily to get it on the action. After the Mirror of Erised scene, where he sees himself giving piggy-back to Lily, my Oedipus-Detector went off the fucking charts. Harry/Fleur/Lily would be, without a doubt, one of the best threesomes ever.

Veritas

 

I was actually looking forward to Lily being cured as you originally planned it. It would give an interesting twist to their interaction, after all by the time Harry successfully cures her they would be near enough the same age and given how Harry's been presented in this fic he would probably be the more mature of the two. Yea Lily would still be his mum but some of the situations they could get into would leave people wondering...

As for training, I really don't think you should include it. The few scenes you've done, Harry in the Room of Requirement duelling his clone, were good enough for this fic. In some stories in-depth description of Harry working towards gaining the strength he needs is necessary but here it just isn't and would probably be out of place if it was included.

If you really want to show more of his work though little things would be enough. Have him working on the Arithmancy for a new spell when someone comes to bother him for example. Just show that he doesn't spend all his time lounging around doing nothing.

 

I don't have a problem with you not revealing the details of his training, but the technology issue is a little bothersome. I agree that it is unlikely that teenage Harry discovers what no one else has and gets muggle technology to work on magic. However, you might be able to fix that. Perhaps the pureblood influence in magical Britain has led to the society putting tradition ahead of progress. In this case, you might be able to work it out so that other countries have researched this and developed a way. All Harry would have to do then is acquire the information, probably through a deal involving a large amount of gold. Another alternative is that, in the past, a wizard working for the Department of Mysteries researched it, but the ministry made laws against it or som,ething because of the afformentioned pureblood influence. Those are a few things off the top of my head, but the technology doesn't make your story unreadable for me.

 

That's pretty much exactly as I see it. I never said Harry invented the concept of making muggle technology work, he just learned how to do it. I'm fairly certain (though I definitely cannot be arsed checking), that I had Sirius or Remus comment on how he picked up an expensive book on the subject in Knockturn Alley.

Read between the lines there peoples.

That's the black market. Charming Muggle things is illegal in Britain. Harry, therefore, acquired a book that would be considered illegal in Britain from another country.

Nevermind though, It would have become apparent when Harry and Archie went abroad. So, it's not a real issue.

Also, there will be NO Harry/Lily smut. That scene with the piggy back thing was Harry's desire to act like a goofy kid and let go of all of his burdens. The fact that it was his mother there shows his desire to cure her, and make her happy (IN A NON SEXUAL WAY!)

I've given little cousins, my mum, and my younger sister piggy backs, if they've been reading them as sexual advances, I'm in a lot of trouble . . .

 

You're fighting a losing battle about Harry/Lily. On this site, Harry and Lily in the same sentence equals Oedipus Flower.

I'm glad that you cleared the technology issue up. I look forward to the next update.

 

This story is really good. I like how Harry acts, I find it really funny at times. If you want people to not ask for a Harry/Lily pairing in the story, you could make a small one-shot or two. It could be a random thing or it could be a sidestory, maybe one Lily wakes up she is in a depresion about missing all those years and Harry, as everony says, looks alot like James.

 

No.

I'm not a smut writer, I tried a small bit of it in my other fic and I felt dirty afterwards.

 

Mr. Joe, not having Harry bone his mother would cheapen their relationship.

... Or at least, someone can say that with a totally straight face.

 

It doesn't have to be smut, exactly. Kissing and implied smut is good, too.

 

It's not happening. Lily could be the last woman on earth and Harry could have the worst case of blue balls ever, there won't be any sexual relationship, or tension, between them.

The closest you'll get is Harry making some crude jokes in reference to sex to his mother, who may, or may not appreciate the humour.

 

Stop feeding the trolls, MrJoe.

(sidenote: what's with the popular Aussie fix authors named Joe?)

The training time (or lack of) is a non-issue IMO. The sarcastic Harry theme feels like it's getting drilled into my head, but at least it's still entertaining. I dunno - I compare it to watching certain episodes of the Chappelle show over and over. I'd also like to see Harry proven wrong: that fluffy shit with Cho that ended up working I actually enjoyed.

 

I wouldn't compare any part of this to Chappelle.

How did this fic make it out of the bin? Its written by, in the great words of MidKnight, 'Cuptardic Fangirl'. Good plot, 'meh' writting, but largely overused. A lot is just standard Ravenclaw Harry, which was amazing a few years ago, but so was Power of Time.

Perhaps too harsh, but, in service to the genre, >1/5.

In short, reading this is .

 

A problem I have noticed with your writing is that you ask your readers to read between the lines a tad too much, as is the case with the magic fed technology. If you think the topic is a question is one that might cause you unnecessary confusion for your readers, then try to find a way to work some clarification it into the story. It is well and good that the DLP members that read this thread know of your inclusion, but far too many people will gloss over a minor scene where someone buys a book.

I am not saying that you should completely forgo attempts at subtly. Certainly if the idea in question could be used to better effect later in the story, do not go out of your way to explain it. However, do take some time to evaluate whether the confusion you might instill is worth the loss possible dramatic effect later on.

On the other hand, I do like how you handle Harry's training. Hinting at it is sufficient to give the reader the sense that he is working for his skills. Conversely having a series of drawn out scenes where Harry trains his skills begins to feel like a desperate attempt at filler, which considering the length of your chapters, you certainly do not need.

To finish off, I still stand by what I said in our PM exchange about Harry taking too long to solve the cipher. I was able to obtain the message in a matter of 10 minutes (before reaching the end of the chapter), though to be fair, while encryption is not quite my specialty, it is certainly a professional interest.

As for a review, I believe mbond98 was somewhat harsh in his scoring. Certainly the story starts off with rather poor writing and an abundance of overused plot devices. Fortunately, the more recent writing has very clearly improved, while plot has adopted a very sharp and original sense of humor that leaves me gasping for breath at least a few times throughout each chapter. The original characters also read rather smoothly now that they have been fleshed out, and it is refreshing seeing such a wide array of personalities. Score wise, 3/5 due to the earlier parts of the work, but pushing a 4/5 if you can manage to keep the humor going until the end.

 

As long as one person likes the story, I don't care if people are 'harsh', everyone is allowed their own opinion.

I may be a little too subtle at hinting at some plot points, but my point is that it would have become apparent in the future. I plan to have Harry and Archie visit several other magical communities around the world, something I think JK should have definitely done.

Places like Russia, Romania and China may already have people like Voldemort running their countries while places like America, Australia, Japan and Canada will be more modernized and focused more on economic growth rather than the purity of one's blood.

While I definitely don't intend to have countries going around and violating the statute of secrecy, they will definitely be more immersed in the muggle society - as opposed to Britain who tries to completely separate themselves from it.
​

 

I have a feeling that voldemort won't be revied this year in the fic.

 

The lack of training is good, especially with this fic, IMO at least. You drop the subtle hints that Harry is rarely around and usually in the library or something which hints to me he's readin up on stuff.

As for the whole technology thing, It's not a huge deal nw that you've clarified that Harry didn't invent the spell and that it's illegal. That makes it a lot better.

HARRY/LILY SMUT!

As for the visiting other countries thing, that's good so long as you don't make it as a chance to rag on every detail of wizarding Britain.