i thought i should write it so I did any questions shall be answered in the fic by the chars so here we go chapter one of.....

A Darkness Born

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Pain was all he was aware of as a hard fist punched into his gut, intense unreasoning anger behind every blow. Pain was all a 10 year old Harry Potter had felt his entire life.., the drunken beatings of his feared uncle Vernon .., the times harry was left in that dark cupboard .., the “freakishness” he had caused.

The only thing that stopped Harry from dying was the voice in his head. The dark voice that soothed Harry to sleep promising sweet vengeance “when the time is right”. A smooth seductive voice that had an agenda of its own. Soon this voice, this Darkness, would be at its highest rung of power and an immemorial plan will unfold.

This is based on the seven book saga but there are key differences. Let me draw you into a tale that will be different to anything you have heard before.

And so it begins.., Harry had had enough of the pain of it all. He could feel something was happening as he was being beaten by his supposedly ‘dear ‘ uncle. Suddenly, he felt something powerful and dark bubble to the top of his soul. He then heard the familiar dark voice say “[FONT=Kristen ITC, serif]You don’t have to take this I can give you power. I have felt your pain - it has given me enough strength to give you your birthright” [/FONT]. Harry felt the compulsion in the dark voice “what do I do? All I want is vengeance” Harry thought with nine years of anger. The strange but familiar voice replied “[FONT=Kristen ITC, serif]Nothing, just let the Darkness you have within you escape” .[/FONT]

Harry let out the bubbling in his soul as he remembered all the past evils and injustices fate had dealt him. He felt an incredibly overwhelming pain build up even more. Harry could see and hear everything but could not control it as a black oily tentacle appeared from his back. “[FONT=Kristen ITC, serif]Through you I shall display my power” [/FONT]boomed the dark voice [FONT=Kristen ITC, serif]“Through you I am born. We are one but now we are separate. I will avenge for you”. [/FONT][FONT=Kristen ITC, serif][/FONT]Harry saw all the horrific deaths of the Dursleys before he sank into the welcome blackness of unconsciousness

 

Wrong place, bro. Put it in the 'Work by Author' section. DLP will pick it apart if it's shit though.

Then again, if it's great, and you actually get praise, it will be deserved.

 

In b4 DLPenal Slapping.

 

In b4 flames.

 

I think we need to get to the point where we all lol at, but don't flame, dumb-shit noobs.

We'll invite less trolls that way...

 

You might want to write a little more of this, it's much to short.

Also, maybe you should rethink the Dursley abuse. It's been done to death. There are dozens and dozens of ways you can write Harry's break into darkness.

If you have read Shezza's Dresden/HP crossover, he has an interesting version. It's not all out abuse, but just the promise of getting into trouble, or more, breaks Harry to the point where he is actually very susceptible to manipulation. (At least I think that is how it turned out, I haven't read the first part in a while.)

Harry suddenly hearing a voice in his head.. I've seen it quite a few times, and it's usually Voldemort, or his Horcrux doing this.

We need to see more of what is happening in Harry's life before everything blows up in his face. We need to see some hope, some bright light in his future, and see it be crushed like the bug it is.

Think on this for a while. Maybe even try to get at least 1000 words. Come back then.

I hope this helps you.

EDIT: Also there is really no need to capitalize darkness. You might even want to think of something else to call it. It's kind of corny.

And would an ten year old even know what vengeance is?

EDIT2: Okay, I've just been told that Darkness is some sort of comic/video game duo thing. You should make that clear at the start. Otherwise, clueless people like me will be even more clueless! Heh.

But I still think you could do this in a more creative way.

 

^
That.

Also, before you re-post this in WbA (as I'm hoping you will) learn how to use punctuations, even in your author's notes section. And don't post here, or all the "ib4s" will come true and an admin will painfully sodomize you.

 

For one, the Darkness manifests on the 21st birthday. Full stop.
For two, for Harry to have it, James would have had to die the second he impregnated Lily. That's how the Darkness works.
For three, even if it had manifested, a newly-awakened Darkness wouldn't have been able to do shit unless Vernon was beating him with all the lights out, which takes this in a whole new direction.
For four, you fucking suck at writing, so bad.
And for five, because of you, a Darkness crossover has planted itself in my mind. Fuck you.