Hmm, I've tried to be careful about that - the only time I thought I missed it I made Ron reference his unusual usage of the word "susceptible" - I'll make sure to keep an eye out for it.

 

I noticed that, and it would have worked if he was older. Ron just doesn't feel right, at all. And the Dumbledore scene felt a bit forced, with Dumbledore accepting things, and working them out a bit too easily.

Aside from Ron's characterization, though, I've been following this and lovin' it since the beginning. Your Ron is OOC, jarring, and fail. But it's an acceptable loss in an otherwise excellent fic. :awesome

 

I'm not in the mood to eat dick, but if I were you'd be the very first person I'd ask.:awesome

You were offering, right? You'll need to go first though, show me how it's done and all.

Dying though? That's just not gonna happen any time soon. You're stuck with me.:facepalm

 

I'll murder the next one.

 

It's a nice story overall. Been reading it, and I have to say it's quite solid in both writing and writing style. The only drawback I've found for myself is the "kids sound too old" part, which I agree on. I think it should be expanded a bit especially as far as Hermione and Padma are concerned. Edit: by this I mean you could make references of them being especially smart, even going as far as invoking them as a savant. They really, *really* sound too old.

Story-telling wise, the only thing that keeps you reading further is the question of "where is the author going with this?" and the AU parts, hence the

3/5

Btw, I hope Tinn Tam wasn't being generic with the 'next one'...

 

I'm mostly sure that she just meant the next person to make an incredibly trivial post not related to the story whatsoever.

Oh... oh shit. I'm dead now, aren't I?

 

Very funny.

Anyways.

This story is written well, has a unique "hook" to it, and does seem to be doing something with its divergence(Dumbledore's reaction to Harry's claims, his relationships with his friends, especially the girls of Gryffindor, and so on).

I still feel like some of the interactions are done in a stilted manner(the kids), but the rest are done very well, like Snape and Dumbledore. I really like Snape's scenes in this fic, actually.

I do wish that the author would take a more aggressive stance on changing canon early, just because of the profusion of authors who retread the first book, but since that's a concern that's gradually becoming less true(the story is diverging as it progresses), I'll keep the rating at a 4/5.

 

So far the plot is quite interesting, we'll see what will come up in the next chapter. 4/5