Title: Heir to a Warlord
Author: OccAmy Phyre
Rating: M
Genre: Crime/Drama
Status: WIP
Summary: AU. At six years old Harry Potter becomes the heir to a Somali Warlord. This story follows his life from 6 to 16 years of age as he grows up in a country ripped apart by war before being dragged into the one waged against Voldemort. dark!Harry - eventual HPDM
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Crime/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 113,516 - Reviews: 545 - Updated: 3-4-09 - Published: 6-4-08
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4300805/1/Heir_to_a_Warlord

While many of you will be turned off by the slash, I can honestly say this is one of the better fics I have found as of late, and he's only just started getting into the slash. 5/5 from me, change depends on how he pulls off the Malfoy/Potter ship.

Flame away boys.

 

I despise slash.

That said, I just played Resident Evil 5 and I'm kind of in an African mood, so...meh.

 

True, my first reaction was, "Slash? Nuh uh, no you didn't!"

I started reading it though. It's written well enough, with a solid writing style and a good grasp of the English language.

Characterization is... well done, but just reading the first few chapters reveals something that made me click the "X" button on this story: Harry's a complete and uttery pussy in this story. Weak, emotionally abused, socially stunted and made completely subservient.

No wonder he ends up with Malfoy.

 

I've been following this for a while. As it is now, 4/5. -1 point due to Harry's obsessive love of his Abba. Admittedly, it's understandable that he would turn out as he has, considering the whole Dursley situation, but it's still annoying as shit to read. That said, in so far everything else is pretty great.

Sadly, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to end up dropping this when the H/D starts up, as this author seems the type to put rather a lot of focus on the Romance/Smut.

But, until the slash, it's worth the read. To reiterate: 4/5.

 

I cant bring miself to read the story yet, so I started with the reviews.

So, Harry isnt the only gay one in this fic ? Remus/Sirius perhaps?

They, I dont know who they are, played the greatest wizard in history like a fool. Not looking good so far.

Dreadlocks? For real? Is he black in this story too?

I started reading the story, after the first chapter I stoped.

2/5 For good grammar, spelling and somewhat original ideea.

Also, I found this review:

I lol`d.

 

I read the first chapter/two chapters, and strongly felt as if I was following Dobby the House Elf.

He serves food well enough, even preparing drinks at the age of six.

He was getting clothes!

2/5, for the singular point that the spelling and grammar aren't necessarily atrocious. The beginning, however, reminds me of Watermage's Potter (I think) where the Harry is Dursley's scapegoat from paying a debt.

Skimmed the rest. Nuri - a new, completely unnecessary name. And that part with his small harem of men was useless. Also, lest we forget, Somalian/African magic is clearly superior than anything else in the world. Always.

 

Huh, I thought I'd seen this posted and torn apart before.

Might have been something else, seen one Harry/Draco fic, you've seen 'em all(and seen too many).

2/5 since as stated above it has the redeeming quality of grammar.

 

It started out alright (if you ignore the impending gay), but the author is clearly a self-hating Westerner. The chapter on Mogadishu with the American military unable to match the might of a guy who can light stuff on fire was head-bashingly painful to read. Not to mention the Fail of wandless untrained Harry defeating Dumbledore, Snape, Kingsley and Bill Weasley.

 

It was posted before. I remember laughing at the idea of gay!Muslim!Harry.

I started reading this a while back and agree wholeheartedly with what others have said. The whole premise of this story is just bad in my mind.

 

I hate Slash, but I want to readthis one If you have a link - post it here plz

 

From what I gather Ksai this is that fic lmao.

 

You know, I usually am a huge proponent of 'don't review unless you read the entire story', but I'll be a hypocrite today and just shake my head no after only a brief glance.

I honestly can't see this ever being in the library, and not just because it's HP/DM. His characterization is too against the general trend of this site.

Overall, the story isn't terrible but the small things in this story (dreadlocks, his patheticness, Dumbledore being fooled so idiotically) make me rage enough to overlook any merits this story has.

1.5/5

 

Oh jesus I'm thankful I didn't read past the second chapter. I'm sorry but Harry/GayHarem. FUCK OFF AND DIE IN A FIRE!

Now that that has been said, S&G doesn't give a fic a 2/5 it is expected as the minimum of any fic to gain entrance into the library. If a fic is well-written, which this is not then it might get points on that basis. If you're giving fics rating points solely for being correct grammatically, then I pity you, for you must have surely suffered under the weight of all that is crap fanfiction.

It's a pretty sad state of affairs if we're resigned to giving fics a 2/5 because the author can use spellcheck and bothers to read through their fic to correct the basic errors.

The opening two chapters with Dobby, I mean Harry, were piss poor. Writing was bland and average, plot exploration was extremely predictable, and not even the good kind of predictable. More the kind where you end up thinking "not this shit again."

I really shouldn't rate this fic based on just the first two chapters that I have read, but really they just don't seem to anything that I might find interesting or new. The sad and rather unpleasant truth is that if this fic wasn't slash I would probably read it, a fic has to be truly exceptional for me to allow slash and I haven't found a Harry/slash fic yet that is good enough for me to bother finishing it.

1/5 for being bland, average and taking what could have been cool and making it weak, oh and the slash.

 

Cliches. Africa is new, but everything else...

And... Malfoy?

 

I had to vomit when I read this story.

 

I don't think that this piece of fiction should be rated sorely on first chapters. I admit they are cliche. But the rest is really good. It's innovative; very few fics that take Harry to other country before Hogwarts are actually readable - but this is. Excellent portrayal of war torn country, with real problems like ten years old soldiers on drugs and contrasts between rulling class and poor majority. Ruthless!Harry that for the first time is belivable, growing up surrounded by the constant bloodshed. He is really dark, scary and little insane, not like those riddiculus "voldemort-is-not-as-manipulative-as-dumbledore-let's-join-him-in-murdering-rampage" fic's. Fic contains good character characterization, with downright evil Abba and Harry morphing from abused kid to cold hearted (and little brainwashed) killer.

More than slash bothers me that some people come here and label it very low when they didn't read more than first chapter. I know you don't expect anyone to read the whole fiction if they don't like it, but please at least refrain from "vomitin" over it.

I'm giving it 4/5. I hope though that Harry will turn agains his Abba at some point. The thing with killing his friend was far worse abuse than Dursleys ever did to him.

 

I'll give this a 2/5, simply because the grammar is good. Otherwise, it is completely without merit. Harry is overpowered, uses wandless magic, defeats Army Rangers by lighting things on fire, is completely subservient, and bests the Order's top members...

Oh, and the author is a self-hating Westerner; her story is poorly disguised propaganda with HP thrown in for shock value. I haven't even mentioned the imminent buttsex...

Don't read it.

 

She hasn't said anything on that, its just the reviewer fantasising.

Not sure what this reviewer is talking about. Dumbledore, Snape and Sirius met with Abba and Harry in the later chapters, but it pretty much Dumbledore not negotiating right, Snape managing to salvage the deal.

 

I read through the first three chapters--against my better judgement I might add. I didn't get to any slash, so my review doesn't reflect that.

To begin with, the premise is farfetched and--aside from the setting--not particularly engrossing. I had initially wondered if putting Harry in Africa might lend itself to some sort of Tarzan/Last of the Mohicans/Last Samurai/White Indian theme, which could at least be somewhat interesting (until the eventual buggering, anyway).

Instead I got a five year old Harry being rescued from the Dursleys by a rich, worldly, powerful, and inexplicably generous patron and then trained in language and social graces and combat... substitute "Malfoy" for "Somali Warlord" and this story becomes a lot less original.

And the warlord... I really struggled with suspension of disbelief, first with the idea that any warlord would give a 10-year loan to start a drill company (drugs, diamonds, and war being immensely more profitable. Not to mention more short-term), and second with the idea that he'd take some random white kid as his "heir" on a whim.

It seems as though the author thought "wouldn't it be cool if Harry was a African warlord" and then put him there, without realizing that:

a) Most of Africa is a shithole. Harry wouldn't be living in a mansion with his "Abba"
b) Harry would be more of a liability to a man like that than he was worth

Final score:

3/5 to start
+0.5 for spelling/grammar
-1 for ridiculous premise
-6 for "eventual HP/DM"

-3.5/5