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Help with a fic

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Tommy, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. Tommy

    Tommy The Green Ranger

    Joined:
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    Location:
    In a bomb shelter, South Africa.
    I've got a fic in WBA called Die Trying.

    Chapter one: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showpost.php?p=638851&postcount=1

    It's sorta how I want my fic to go. But I fucked up in part two.

    My genre changed completely and it buggered up my fic so badly that I can't figure out how to get it back on track.

    Chapter one - Part Two: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showpost.php?p=639096&postcount=12

    It might as well be a scene from a completely different fic.

    So I ask you, DLP, to help me untie this not, because I'm planning on dumping part two, but I am struggling to find another avenue to take.

    Clusterfuck.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2013
  2. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 ~ Prestige ~

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    ???

    It's already in WbA, so you start a new thread why?

    If you really want help and you're not review whoring at the moment, don't give us links. Tell what the plot and genre were, what you're trying to do with them, and where you think you went off. What are you changing it too now, etc.

    Three quarters of your problems would be solved simply because you ended up putting the effort in to post it in a way that explains it to everyone else. Hell, give us that info, and you just might work out your own answers.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2013
  3. Tommy

    Tommy The Green Ranger

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Okay:

    First, do you think I'm that stupid to post something on fanfic discussion to get reviews? Really, it had occurred to me that you might see it that way but trust me, if I wanted reviews and not help, I would've hassled the fuck out of the fokes on WBA and ff.net.

    Now, as for the plot and shit, I'm sorry I linked you, then. I was sure that some people would not know what I'm on about if they didn't have links to the fic I speak of.

    Harry was shut into a psychiatric ward at the end of his sixth year. This was because, one, he pissed the wrong people off and did some shit that finally galvanized Voldemort into action. Two, instead of trying to kill Harry, as the prophecy led him to do in canon, he gets smart and leaves him alive. So basically, he didn't want to chance it.

    Harry was rebelling against Voldemort's forces and so Voldemort took that very opportunity of Harry's fuck up as a reason to label him unfit for society and in bad mental health.

    Which leads us to the first part of chapter one:

    James Potter finally has enough and decides to make a difference. His first action is to kidnap Harry from ST. mungos. Aurors arrive on the scene, shit gets done, and I'm happy with that part.

    Part two:

    Harry wakes up in the fideliused cottage where Susan Bones, his former girlfriend and who went to Harry's father for help to avoid the consequences of fraternizing with Harry in... whatever shit he pulled, is hiding. He wakes up to that familliar face, bells start ringing, and old feelings cause a slight sexual tension between the two.

    And that's where things get rocky.

    It's poorly written and conveys little of what I was aiming for. I created Harry into this... unfit member of society to give Voldemort's claim some realism but then that would conflict with his feelings toward Susan.

    So it's gone from kidnapping and action to a shitty attempt at romance. So, how do I move forward?

    Do I cut out the romance? Try my god-damnest to fix it? And if I do, how do I get Harry working and being active again?

    Maybe my creativity is clouded by my wanting to do a nice lil cozy-cozy with Harry/Susan... I dunno.

    And you're right, there are some things that I just now discovered but it doesn't pull me completely out of this.

    Thanks
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2013
  4. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 ~ Prestige ~

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    We have people here stupid enough to be communists, democrats, and one idiot stupid enough to name himself after a C.S. Lewis character, so yeah, I do.

    Undestand that, my point was that there's no reason to read the fic, just give us the info because that would make you do the work and clarify things.

    See below

    Understandable. Now that you've discovered a few things, give us a direction that you're thinking, or what you've discovered, then we'll know how to actually help you.

    BTW, there's psychotics that get married all the time. Women that marry convicts with life sentences. Etc. etc. So one doesn't preclude the other at all. It's how you write the relationship that will determine whether it is a good or bad direction. Make him completely enamored with Susan one time, and then the next time, he wants nothing to do with her, or he is fascinated by her hair even to the point of cutting a lock off while she sleeps.

    There's a thousand ways you can push it that will only enhance your story. Relationships aren't "hi," "hi," "Let's screw," Okay!" In real life . . . unless there's money exchanced.
     
  5. Tommy

    Tommy The Green Ranger

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    Location:
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    Thanks.

    I suppose my dirrection would be a resistance of some sort with Harry playing a huge role.

    I got to thinking, eh, cut out the romance and use the Susan was adopted angle, cliché as it might be. I was aiming for a psychotic Harry who was all for banging Susan without strings attached, but it'll become a pain in the ass to maintain the equilibrium with that thrown into the equation.

    I'm sort of back on track now, though, so thanks for the ass-kicking. :)

    And I think one of the things that could give me more things to work with is to widen the scope of characters and to tie some intricate knots. But then I don't want it to get too convoluted to the point where people find it displeasing.
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2013
  6. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 ~ Prestige ~

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    Its the best way to learn how to write, edit, and fix your own fics. It's why reviewing is so important, so you can learn how to do it yourself (did just say that in this thread already?)

    There's nothing wrong with depth to a story. Giving Harry a relationship is fine, as long as you don't just let it be a relationship for the sake of him banging her or getting a flat character. Really want to screw with people? Make her just as pyschotic in her own way. Maybe even to the point where they feed each other's psychosis.
     
  7. Tommy

    Tommy The Green Ranger

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Eh, that's actually a pretty idea. I think I'd love to do a oneshot like that sometime, but it'll take a lot of figuring out.

    Again, thanks for your booting. :D
     
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