A little while ago, I begin writing a Harry Potter / Stargate crossover. Without much success. I'm sort of stuck without any idea how to develop the story.

So, firstly, I'd like to know what you think about the first chapter (draft). Is it a good idea, is my writing style acceptable, etc.

Secondly, I'd like to ask for help.

While I know how to avoid making a cliché or bad fanfiction, I've never really been good at making plots, action scenes, etc. So, if anyone's interested in co-writing a fanfiction with me, or at the very least just help me to make a basic plotline, I would really appreciate that.

Below is a description of the fanfiction I'm writing, how it will be, what I'm trying to avoid, etc.

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Vivacia

Basically, it's an Alternate Universe story, where Harry disappear from Earth when he is about eight year old, due to an accidental magic (it's not safe interfering with dark rituals). Because of that, he will lose most of his powers, though he will gain others instead.

Asgards will help him relocate. Goa'ulds will take him as a prisoner. Harry will find a suitable home with some more primitive races. And Harry will get his own ship, at first a goa'uld one he will use to travel to different planets including Earth. The ship's name would be 'Vivacia' of course.

Why stripping him of his magic?
In a lot of fanfictions, whether it is a crossover or not, Harry is usually too powerful. In a lot of fanfiction, Harry for example has a katana, throwing daggers and other ninja equipment. And he barely uses it. What I mean is that many authors give to Harry a lot of powers and equipment which is never used. That is why I decided to strip Harry from his magical powers, except a few like Telekinesis, Healing, and maybe later in the story, Apparition. (And powers Ancients possesses.)

Why Telekinesis?
Telekinesis could be really useful and has endless usages when mastered. It can stop projectiles, lift heavy things, shield himself, throw enemies (like the Goa'uld hand device), summon items, manipulate the air (oxygen) like compress tremendously and create explosions when releasing it, etc. Of course, mastering it would require many years.

Well, If anyone's interested, I'll give more informations about the story.

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Here's a link to the draft version of the first chapter (it's just a preview to my writing style and story beginning).

Chapter 01 (Draft)

lnky

 

To be honest I didn't even read the first chapter because the outline seemed very similiar (re: almost identical) to another HP/SG1 story ive read on ffn and there are propably 4-5 others running around im not familiar with.

To me there are not nearly enough GOOD HP/SG1 fics out there but before I ask more pointed questions in order to help you with your plot/Crossover points/Characters/ect I have to ask

Where do you see your fic going

You must have some idea, some picture of where you see this fic going, to see where your characters are going to end up regardless of starting point.

Do you see harry leading the Tauri against the Gou'ld, do you see Harry bridgning the fiver races in a new inter stellar and intergalactic alliance, do you see the Wizarding world playing a big part in the story or is it going to be mostle the sci-fi SG1 universe?

 

I havent read your chapter yet- will in a bit, and edit this then- but for starters I'd like to point out something that bugs me about most "large-scale" crossovers in which Harry leaves the HP world and enters a totally different universe:

When Harry "crosses over" in early childhood and doesn't retain his usual powers, he loses what makes Harry Harry. (I don't know of a good way to say this, but what I mean is that instead of being the Harry we know, he is just an OC with the name Harry Potter, inserted into the Stargate universe, so it is not really an HP fanfiction. Sorry if that doesn't make much sense...) One way I've seen this problem fixed in an SG1 crossover is to have Harry return to the Wiz. world after some time and 'rediscover' himself; another is to have Harry leave Earth after beginning his magic training, so that part of his character is preserved.

On a totally unrelated note, love the sig pic

Edit: ok, read it... your method of offworld transportation certainly isn't what I expected (The ritual from Fullmetal Alchemist?) and didn't quite make sense, but I'm sure you'll clear that up in a later chapter. My complaint, however: One minute Harry's running away from Dudders, the next, he's aboard an Asgard vessel, and he takes it in stride -

If I was transported to an unknown location full of little grey men, I would freak out, not ask them if they'd be my family. Harry's reaction is bizarre, especially from a mistreated kid who lives in a cupboard, who should not give trust quickly.

Anyway, I'm interested in seeing where you're going with this. Your writing doesn't have any obvious flaws (spelling is good) and your storytelling style is pretty good, so all that's left is developing your plot as kung lou said. [FONT=&quot]
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So far, I found three 'important' (about 100k words) HP/SG1 fanfictions: Fighting the Gods, An Ancient's Journey and Shezza88's HP and the Stargate.

About the first, well, there's no similarities. About the second, there's only the fact Harry's an Ancient. And the third, I see why you would think there would be some similarities: Harry will get a spaceship. That's about it.

If you think Harry will be raised by the Asgard, that's not true. He will be on another planet (not really advanced). He won't have some super advanced knoweldge and won't be able to create some powerful weapons.

Harry will be as human as you and me. SG-1 did some spectacular stuffs, yet their technology level was low and they didn't have superhuman powers, etc. It's just a matter of using the best way the little you have.

Now, the only thing you are right is that Harry's teleported elsewhere while on Earth and not knowing about aliens. I tried to vary a little so I made a failed ritual, which could offer me other advantages in the future.

Well, good point. If he does retain his power, basically, he would he a SuperHarry. Not only would he have his magical powers, but also new technology.

With only a few powers, it offers much more space to develop them, like what I said about Telekinesis.

Oh, I read a HP/SG fanfiction where magic could only be used in Earth. Something like that would be interesting to implement in my story to maybe justify why he can't use his powers. But, well, Harry's powers and what happens to them will be described latter on the story. I might get an original idea meanwhile.

It would be more like a wink to Full Metal Alchemist. Plus it's not really well described. I should maybe precise how the ritual works and what could cause the effect it caused when Harry Apparated there. For now, they don't really play a part in the story except it's because of their ritual Harry was sent in a far far away galaxy. Though I could always made them play a part in the story later.

Right. Thanks. I forgot about this. Anyway, the chapter was a draft.

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lnky

 

I really don't think you should give him a spaceship. At least not yet, do it SG1 style, where he has to work towards getting the information, prove himself worthy to the Asguard(if he's going to get any help). If he has to struggle and work towards getting 'powers' and technology through blood and sweat I think it'd make it a more interesting read. Instead of, e.g. just giving him a ship as thanks, or one he finds and figures how every techno, mechinal aspect of it works in a few days, weeks.

 

Here is the story I was thinking of

Fighting the Gods by phoenix catcher
A HPStargate crossover, Harry leaves Earth at the age of 7, learns a different type of magic and with the knowledge and technology of ancient races helps the SGC and SG1 to defend the galaxy from the Evil Goa'ulds.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2994996/1/

 

In this story, Harry's a Tok'ra. He learns some kind of magic from a planet called Melatai. He is quite powerful at an age of ten. The first wizard on Earth just appears in the last chapter which came out two days ago.

I never intended to make someone powerful at an age of ten. It's just as unnatural as Magic is to the Dursleys.

The main part of the story will happen when Harry's fifteen or sixteen. It will be somewhere during Order of the Phoenix or Half-Blood Prince in the HP timeline.

Plus, in Fighting the Gods, Harry's Half-Ascended, has his own personal construction site, and interact way too much with the SGC and barely with the Wizarding World.

Just because I said Harry's an ancient genetically doesn't mean he will have their knowledge.

Now, about the spaceship, the first one he will have is one he used to escape. It will be quite damaged and it will be 'destroyed' after not so much time.

Anyway, Asgards will just dump Harry on some safe planet. He will indeed have to work hard to master his powers or gain access to advanced technologies.

lnky

PS: By the way, when I made the post, it was to ask for some help

 

Ok - I read your Chapter 1 draft and can see why you are stuck. I feel your characters are 2d and you have entirely too many dues ex's. As a result your chapter feels entirely too rushed.

My advice (and my prefered method) is too flesh out your characters (motivations, backgrounds, character flaws, ideosycracies), keep a mental fix on where you want to end up 5-10 chapters from where you start and allow your characters to paint the details of your story.

Allow for logical progressions and growth of characters and your story will write itself.

Other authors on this site will no doubt have there own methods but...