This plot bunny came to me a while ago and Ive been working on the details but Im kind of stuck and was hoping I could get some outside opinions

The premise is a crossover between HP and my favorite manga series "Priest." I know that 99% of these suck but before anyone says anything the one and only asian thing in the series is the author. The books are set in the American Old West under the idea that a priest by the name of Ivan Issacs is murdered and he sells his soul to a demon in order for a chance to come back. The demon Belial only wants to bring Ivan back so he can use him to kill a fallen angel by the name of Temeozarela

I can see the way Id start this off with having Voldemort hold off a few years before attacking Godrics Hollow by this time Harry has a younger sister and she is believed to be prophecy child by Voldemort. Harry would not be int he house at the time of the attack but he would come back in time to see Voldemort kill his father and Voldemort would kill him as well. However instead of moving on to heaven his soul gets dragged down to hell by Belial and he offers him a deal. He will restore his life and free him from hell if he finishes the job that Ivan couldnt. Harry accepts and the story would continue one from there.

I can picture how lots of scenes would go but I cant really seem to flesh out the details in my mind past the starting point, so I was hoping to get the people on this sites opinion on this is it something that could have some potential or should I just scrap this and spare everybody the pain of having to read it?

 

I've never read the manga, but only taking one character and a single premis isn't exactly a full crossover. Full crossovers with manga can hardly ever be done.

Would Belial play a continual role, or would he just pop back in very once and awhile? I say make it the later. Don't make the "Priest" storyline central, HP story and plot MUST be central (your own HP plot of course). That's the thing that ruins most semi-xovers, an unoriginal ripoff of a plot.

You could very well make it a different demon, and not make this a cross at all. Think of a slightly different reason for the demon to drag him down and offer him the deal. Or at least modify the reason a bit to fit the HP Universe.

Finally, make the 'deal' a looming threat Harry must face eventually, not a central story driving plot line.

Remember, in turns of importance:
Plot first.
Characters second.
Idea third.

Even though we all think backwards, it's best to be done thinking when you start to type it out.

 

characters

Im sorry I should have been more clear on this when Belial brings Ivan back he becomes part of his soul and often drives him into homocidal fits of rage so I was trying to decide on the best way to incorporate that.

As for the plot I agree with you completely that this needs to be something original and I have a basic idea so far of what I want to do with that so far and thats it. Also the deal Harry would make, its not really a central plot line so much as something that he did thats driving him insane slowly as time goes on.

 

o.o

Many of us were talking about something similar just the other day. It was... and epic discussion of... lameness and an attempt at Demon!Lily that didnt suck.


But the premise of this is interesting, at the very least. I'd have to read more of Priest to find out what the series is like, but it would be vaguely interesting.

But basing it on what you mentioned of it, I can offer this advice.

Siblings who Lived tend to suck. I might suggest putting off Voldemorts attack, but no sister or what not. Chances of having a second child who fit the same prophecy are slim at best.

Then you need a driving force for why Harry would accept it. Revenge for the murder of his mother and father? Fear of death?

A plot for Harry, and if Belial is going to play a part, a plot for him as well. What is harry going to do? Kill Voldemort? Dominate the world? Murder human kind? And what about Belial? He gonna keep pressing Harry to go after this fallen angel?

Like Mage says, you could make it another demon who offers it to Harry. Maybe Sitri, Agares, or Haagenti. They all have their own motivation. Sitri is a collector of secrets and a meddler in love, maybe he just wants to fuck up the world. Agares is supposed to have powers over runaways and such. Haagenti is more of an alchemist, changing metal to gold, water to wine and wine to water.

Huge amounts of demons can be used.

Harry's feelings about what he did, what he became, what his parents would think of him for doing it; some of that may be important as well.

 

I like Beeazulbub trying to get Harry to help him kill the Morning Star himself... that would be fucking awesome... or maybe using Harry to cause so much destruction, both the great snake and God himself have their attention distracted.

OF course, God'd have to be non-omnipotent.

 

thanks

ok this is exactly the kind of advice I was hoping for thank you guys very much.

Vash: I see your point about the sister and that can be dropped easily. Regarding his driving force for accepting the offer it would be in Harry's case the fact he would only be about 4 and he just saw his dad die so hes scared out of his mind and wants it all to stop. As for a different demon Ive been trying to do some research but Im having trouble finding anything very good. Is there a website that you could recommend? About the plot right now I havent fleshed out the details completely but the basic plot is that the fallen angel has 13 main servants and they are trying to corrupt various places in the world so they bring their master into the world physically so he can destroy everyone. Harry would of course be trying to slaughter them all before they can finish.

The way I see this tying into HP universe is that one of the 13 would be Voldemort. One of his power rituals went wrong many years ago and it should have killed him but the fallen kept him alive and has been manipulating him since then

LogrusMage: It is a very interesting idea but I can just see myself having to go into superpowers and totally messing it up if he wants him to kill Lucifer. As for the destruction idea that is interesting, I'll have to think on that

 

Wiki is pretty good, but id recommend a library and encyclopedias of mythology and such.

This has 72 demons, and you can search for more based on similar terms (Demons, Fallen Angels, yadda.)

 

John Milton's Paradise Lost has a bunch of interesting fallen angels. Beelzebub has always been my favorite. Mammon is also cool.

 

belial

ok one thing I do have to point out is that when I mention Belial i dont mean the one in the key of solomon. I was intending to use the Belial from the "Priest" series. In the series he is shown at the start to be the devil or something very close to that but as it turns out later on in the series he was actually a priest in the Inquisition whose son was corrupted and then murdered by the fallen angel. This caused him to turn to very dark magic to take revenge. This Belial is more of a manipulator because whenever Ivan feels moments of great hatred or anger he makes him go completely nuts and butcher everything in sight including his allies.

 

...cool. I gotta go read this manga now...