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[WIP] Hogwarts Battle School by Kwan Li

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Averis, May 22, 2013.

  1. Photon

    Photon Order Member

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    Why this is marked as complete?
     
  2. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

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    It was my mistake. Third year is now complete, and Kwan Li is working on the fourth year (in WbA) with the intention to continue the story under the same title.
     
  3. Stalin's Pipe Organs

    Stalin's Pipe Organs Auror

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    Just read this.

    4.5/5 rounded up.

    I love your Hermione, its the best one I've read yet. I'm definitely shipping Harry/Hermione in this. Fuck Harry/Tracey.

    Snape and whoever he is talking to just piss me off. They're doing really evil shit in this incredibly self-righteous way. Why get Harry to kill somebody completely innocent? Is this really necessary just because of the nonexistent possibility that Harry wont kill Voldemort? I also found it insane how Snape just killed Hermione's parents on a whim and when that didn't do what he expected, he just shrugged. Canon Snape would never do this sort of thing. This Snape seems to have completely lost it.

    I can't wait for the moment when Snape and whoever is in on the conspiracies get what's it coming to them.
     
  4. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    This Snape is the epitome of fanon Manipulative!Dumbledore and I hope he dies slowly.
     
  5. Photon

    Photon Order Member

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    There is something strange - I really like this story despite my strong dislike toward manipulative!Headmaster stories. It is weird, it have even headmaster's plan that is extremely dumb and may work only fueled by pure narrativum.

    I am not sure why, but after Hermione's parents I was certain that I should now hate this story (it was not only "show that X is evil", it was so stupid action that it is just unbelievable) - but result was completely different, it had intended emotional effect and I wanted to continue reading.

    I had no problem with completely implausible changes in Hogwarts (Purebloods agreed to do something against traditions? everypony trained for position in the army? It makes less sense than economics of wandmaking in the canon).

    My attempt to discover what is different here completely failed.

    BTW, I wonder what was reaction of society and other magical countries that they are preparing army for war with other wizards.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2013
  6. Euroclydon

    Euroclydon High Inquisitor

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    This was updated a couple of days ago.
     
  7. Lumnox

    Lumnox Second Year DLP Supporter

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    New chapter up. I am loving this new development.
     
  8. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    New chapter and it was amazing. I like the new model for battle class, and I can't wait to see how it gets mixed up.
     
  9. Euroclydon

    Euroclydon High Inquisitor

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    This lightening bolt is the new dark mark.
     
  10. Invictus

    Invictus Heir

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    Pretty awesome, epicness is reaching new levels.
     
  11. Fardeki

    Fardeki Headmaster

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    I'm just surprised O.S.C hasn't got this fic yet. They usually don't last this long.
     
  12. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    He's changed his tune regarding fanfiction (since my own Ender's Game story was taken down). Apparently, he realized how, far from hurting JKR's brand, it helped her commercially in a big way.
     
  13. Fardeki

    Fardeki Headmaster

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    So does that mean you will continue yours? You know you want to.
     
  14. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'll probably repost it sometime in the future when I can expect that I won't get a "don't mention incest or it's CAD!" letter. It was just a 5k word one-shot anyway, though arguably one that didn't treat Peter in the most favorable of lights, even considering canon.
     
  15. Vengeful Astartes

    Vengeful Astartes Squib

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    A Must Read

    This is a fic you need to read if you have not. The story just gets better and better. I LOVE this story, can't get enough.

    Once I started I could not stop reading. It goes from strength to strength. Really looking forward to reading more of this wonderful story.

    5/5
     
  16. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 Prestige

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    I'm two and a half chapters into it, and have mixed reactions.

    Plot is 5/5. Great idea, love the way Lupin is spun so far, all in all a win.

    But the characters themselves are a 2/5. There's absolutely no character I like in this story as of yet. Harry is flat, Draco has as much depth as canon around the second book, Blaise comes across as nothing more than comic relief and Tracey is the chick sidekick. I've read deeper characterizations in far worse stories.

    There also doesn't seem to be real hook. Sure, Harry finds out what he finds out in the beginning, then has to deal with a certain failure of sorts. But there's nothing that draws me into the story itself except for "Look how well Ender's Game and Harry Potter can be merged." And that, the authors does very well. So for that I give it a 3/5.

    Also, lots of errors that draw me out of full immersion and makes me focus on the writing, rather than the story. Never a good thing. For writing, I give it a 3/5

    So, all said and done 2.5 rounded up to 3/5. Great story idea, but there's just no reason to care about the characters. Of course, I'm still on chapter 3, so I'll reserve my final judgment until later.

    ________________
    Quite a bit further along in the story now.

    Harry's character rounds out, kind of. His interactions with a few other students, both positive and negative, give him a bit more definition. Blaise's character makes sense for the interesting reveal the author used concerning him. Tracey's character has moments of growth, but then she falls back to the same flatline Tracey.

    Something else I've found annoying is the completely tagless dialogue at the end of almost every other chapter. I know, it's Endgame based, but even there, more and more hints were given to reveal who both speakers were. I don't think it's being handled as brilliantly here.

    My overall grade now is a 3.5. I have a few more chapters to read as I'm at the end of the first year.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2013
  17. Mutton

    Mutton Auror

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    I feel like Blaise gets better as the story goes on, but Tracey is always one step outside of real characterization. A bit of focus on her and she'd be able to be a full blown character, but right now she is just the generic chick sidekick.
     
  18. Euroclydon

    Euroclydon High Inquisitor

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    There has been an update.

    Krum may or may not be a douche-canoe, a bit to early to tell.
     
  19. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

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    Seems to lightly be swinging the Fleur/Harry sword, and I like that. Hermione's character is the best one in the fic, with the small exception of Harry, and I like how Blaise's part in the story is panning out. Flamel also promises great fun in the future.
     
  20. Darth Disaster

    Darth Disaster The Waking Sith Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I wouldn't get too excited about Anything but H/Hr in a Kwan Li fic. The author (unsure if male or female) is a pretty reliable H/Hr shipper. Sometimes other relationships are explored, but if Harry pairs off with someone permanently, you can almost always bet it will be Hermione.

    Not that I would mind, in this fic. I'm not too fond of Hermione. She needs some humanity added to her. Right now she's just unlikable, really.

    Still, I dislike the description of Fleur. She came off as anorexic. I'd probably get behind the Pansy or Luna camp, myself.

    That being said, the update was great.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2014
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