I have been following a few Harry Potter fan fics that have a "train wreck" sort of appeal.
Spiral Path is a Plane Crash.

Better than average writing, twisting all over rule 34, but still I check out each update.

I had a hard time getting into the story, But I am hooked now.

And in way it is a "dark lady? Potter" story.

Your mileage may vary.

 

What Tinn means, is that once this story has been up for review, you can't put it back up, ever.

So, if you want to take it down for review, fix it up, and put it up again, best let the nice pretty lady know before she decides to random kill one of us out of frustration. By us, I mean you. Oh, and she is a med student, so said death will be anatomically... unpleasant.

 

I can see that. I think a lot of the new ideas and new way of looking at things in this story are very fresh and interesting.

The squick doesn't bother me, really. If Holly could do all the things she's capable of, without the squick there to help balance things by making her life a living hell, people would say she's a Mary-Sue.

And we have the squick to thank for Newt.

Stories where the basilisk venom and phoenix tears in Harry's blood give him some sort of ability at (usually) zero cost are a dime a dozen, stories where they cause him an equal amount of grief aren't.

This is an extreme example of how getting tainted with magical substances from highly magical creatures could go very, very wrong.

It's when she started hopping on (and sticking her tongue in) anything that moves, with the understanding that most of these partners also have their own partners on the side, that I lost much of my interest/respect in the character.

There's loving and accepting, then there's loose and trampy. She's straddling a thin line here (pun intended).

And I'm sliding into a deep dislike of Hermione.

And Holly should have put Dean Thomas deep, deep in the ground. Instead he's out there doing encores of his performance with her.

Whatever...

 

Not funny and it was boring as hell but the writing wasn't bad so I'll give it a 2/5. The format you used sucked. Bad. The humor if that's what you can call it failed beyond all else and well... I haven't read a lot of it because it's just so darn, boring.

 

I'd mostly agree with Warlocke- i really like this story, but i can't "like" the characters". I feel for them, and i find them interesting, but everyone is messed up to the ninth degree.


As for the story itself- i am amused at how people are all going pretentious and using the fact other people are agreeing in order to say the format makes the story bad.

I can understand people not liking the ways things are said- i personally do, and find it much more profound and expressive than the usual Shezza work or some such, but i can see how some people won't like it.

However, the whole sheep bandwagoning is a bit annoying.

 

And the anti-bandwagon comes chugging along. I'm not begrudging your chance to be amused and condescending to all the little sheep unable to see this misunderstood masterpiece for what it is, just don't go overboard.

Better than Shezza? Who the fuck are we kidding here.

 

Yeah....


Oh and this story? 2/5. The characters are horribly written, the story itself is bizarre and offputting, but your writing itself (the actual structuring) is decent. Otherwise I wouldn't have read more than a chapter.

 

I haven't even read the story, but better than Shezza? If you say so... Now go say it somewhere else.

 

He didn't say better, he said 'more profound and expressive'. Shezza, from what I remember, was a lot funnier, but never really got that deep. Then again, I've only read the azkaban one, and HPparody. Assuming I'm thinking of the right guy, anyway.

 

.....


My vote goes to 'Troll'. And I can't believe ya'll fed it so much.

 

Profound and expressive? If that means confusing, unintelligent, and just being shitty in a general sense I agree with you.

What is it with authors of fanfiction trying to sexualize 11 and 12 year olds? It's not just over the top rape and child molestation fics, but just other fics with 11 year olds dating seriously or making out and things like that.

Edit: Story 2/5 because you generally spell correctly and have decent grammar.

 

Holly Evans

Yeah, I could tell without even reading it that it wasn't going to be that great.

 

So like, at any point in the story does Tonks become a futanari and fuck Harry's brains out?

 

Funny you should ask...

 

Ah fer fuck's sake, it's script format. Never mind.

 

The first chapter is full of non sequiturs that reek of author fiat. Almost nobody knows Holly exists. Is this because:
a) She was born while her mother was in hiding under the Fidelius Charm.
b) I'm sorry, you are not the father.

Why does Petunia cut the birth control section out of the sex-ed book she sends? Does she like taking care of other people's children?

And in the second chapter, what does she mean loan? I thought she was writing in a journal.​

On further reading, the above is resolved, but the underlying problem is not. You seem to retcon things without so much as a by-your-leave.

Also, any transition between framing layers has to be distinct, and you can't arbitrarily switch back and forth. You start at a disadvantage, in that the entire story is already a flashback. In the aftermath of the Chamber of Secrets incident, the story of the incident is told as a flashback within a flashback within a flashback, with the occasional telepathic interlude or a temporary transition up to level 2 to observe the interaction of the professors.

Expecting readers to follow this is utterly ridiculous. I recommend that you use a standardized bracing and indentation style.

There were no misspelled names or locations, and the length exceeds most of the fits and starts we get around these parts, so 2/5.

 

it's a guilty pleasure...

I enjoyed it, for what little that's worth, but more in a guilty pleasure kind of way than in a "god what good writing way".

Would have thought of posting it here were it not for two things:

1) The premise and style are fairly non-DLPish

2) It's just not that good.

That said, it's enjoyable, especially later in the story, and you get into the characters. 3/5 although that's probably because I remember the later bits better than the earlier ones.

 

Just for you, I reformatted the Tangents without the QQQ layout. The one Warlocke was referring to was Tangent 7 'Polyamour'. It's probably not as out there as you might hope, but at least I bypassed the man-love.

I'm glad you're enjoying it. At this stage the story isn't Library-destined but I haven't a clear idea whether folks feel it should be jettisoned or sent to the Recycle Bin. I'm biased but I think it's sufficiently inventive for the Bin.

 

This fic doesn't hold my attention for more than a few minutes. It's very...bland. Humor is non existent and all your characters rub me the wrong way, especially Holly.
The journal format is a complete turnoff.
2/5

 

Gotta say, there's very little that pisses me off more than the creator of something shitty taking negative reviews to mean that the reviewer just isn't 'mature' enough to appreciate the MATURE THEMES FOR MATURE PEOPLE SUCH AS MYSELF, and are just lashing out at the story that offended their petty morality. The possibility that they just think that the work in question is shitty is unthinkable.

You often see this attitude in the furry subculture. Combined with the whole catgirl thing that Styx brought up, and I think I see a pattern forming. Just sayin'.

You, wordhammer, are arrogant far, far beyond your talents, and too impressed with your own fetishes to see that your story is not daring and groundbreaking, but instead just bad. DLP does not titter like a schoolboy telling dirty jokes when you bring up - what did you call it - 'sexuality and bio-squickiness', and we are not dismissing your story for it either. We've had selfcest in the Library for four years now, we've written incest - hell, I personally have written incest - and I doubt there's a fetish out there we haven't discussed either in S&P or on IRC. We are not grossed out by the fetishes you've jammed into your fic. We just find it to be bad. A guilty pleasure at best seems to be the general consensus.

And I believe you mentioned a possible move to the Recycle Bin? I doubt you'll get even that, considering you're below two stars with 26 reviews of inertia behind it. And I'd bet money that a lot of those low reviews are from, either partly or in whole, your noxious arrogance. You've only yourself to blame for this.