Title: Harry Potter and the Dagger of the Damned
Author: Kendra and Kenya
Rating: T
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama
DLP Category: Independent Harry or perhaps Dark Arts
Pairing: None
Status: Work in progress...
Summary: Harry Potter has found the last remaining Horcrux, but it slips from his grasp before he can take it. Tonight, a centuries long truce will be broken...tonight, will he have to face Voldemort as one of the Damned?

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3264080/1/

My sister and I came up with this. I think the title is stupid, but it's there. We're taking turns writing chapters, i.e. me the first, she the second, and so on and so forth. We love vampires--movies about vampires, books about vampires--the HP Universe needs more vampires. So this is our take on what would happend if the trio ran into a whole castle full of them.

We know you'll be honest, no matter what. Have at it. Thanks.



Checked by Minion, March 10, 2013
Dead link is dead. If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.

 

Ahh yeah, I've stumbled upon this story a few days ago and found it quite good. I didn't post it here because I was waiting a few more chapters to make sure Harry won't be pussyfied too much (he's a post HBP Dumbledore-kissing idiot, after all); But so far, he's been nothing but a fiesty little bastard, so I guess I can live with him not having much brains or common sense.

4/5

 

The first chapter was a little tough to get through for me. A couple of tense changes, and switching way of showing the character's stream of consciousness hindered the flow of the story.

Plot/story wise it’s fairly interesting, especially by the third chapter. By then, the general flow of writing is better too. There are some typos and awkward sentence structures, but it gets better. If the writer(s) are reading this I would suggest proof reading it just a little closely, even if it delays your update a bit.

Right now I’m rating it a 4/5 for your later chapters. I understand one needs to get creative to set the mood, just try to balance it with how well it is flowing.

 

I didn't like it. There's nothing technically wrong with it really, I just didn't like it. It was so damn obvious that Ron would kill that Vampire too, and how he died was just kinda stupid. The whole fic reminded me of a bad Vampire movie, with the same corny atmosphere, and how you can predict everything that's going to happen before it happens, but i'll give it a 3/5 for being pretty well written and technically sound.

 

I like it so far. The two of you did a good job of keeping to the same diction, which can be difficult. I am putting this on Alert.

4/5

 

I just came from reading the first four chapters. In my opinion the story is genius in the making. To take a word from ip82, Harry is one feisty son of a...

5/5

Not one to rock the Ron/Hermione (I think that what it looks like) boat, but strangely its very tolerable. Okay, Eve.

I am very much looking forward to the next chapters.

 

Okay...the fic itself is good. No offense to your sister, but its extremely easy to tell which parts you wrote and which parts she wrote.

There is one thing that's annoying me, and that's the explanations within the parentheses. In the first few chapters I saw it a couple of times, and it's really irritating. If muck is getting into Harry's cuts and burning, say so, don't put in parentheses. There's nothing more annoying than having the author try and explain things that way when it's just as easy to say so within the story.

I agree with Illusive...Ron killing an Ancient, no matter how luckily, is ridiculous. And it was extremely obvious that it was going to happen, so you might want to cut back on the foreshadowing a little if you're going to have things like that happen.

As to the rest...it was pretty good. I want to read more, and I'm impressed by the way Harry's taking care of things. The wandless magic is good too, but I'll have to ask you to make sure that he can't just pull on it every time, even with desperate screaming. At the very least, a scene where he tries and fails, and nothing else is around to change his fortunes is warranted.

Good stuff, 3.8/5 with a definite chance of going up as this progresses.

 

Thanks for the feedback, guys.

As for the stuff you mentioned about the prose, the parenthesis and everything--I'm not placing all blame on my sister. She likes grandiose, giant, dramatic sentences. I also have kind of a habit of making things more complicated than they should be, in terms of sentence structure and explaining things, etc.

I tried to curb that as much as possible, but with the combination of me and her it's still a bit much to take. Thank you for tolerating it in order to get through the story. I'm in the process of editing the next chapter, and hopefully it won't be as saturated in that kind of stuff.

Ron killing an Ancient...may be ridiculous. But that vampire needed to die. I wanted the scene with the bats coming to kill them, and in order to anger them so they'd come swarming in, I figured Ron should vanquish old Julian.

But your criticism is duely noted and much appreciated.

EDIT: Yeah, I've jsut gone back and looked at the first chapter and now I totally see what you're talking about, Yarrgh! Shit.

 

Havent read yet but am about too. I was gonna post on the Harry Potter needs more vampires no offense but A Second Chance at Life series has plenty. But more could be added, the ones in SCL are very very very very over powered. Realistic ones are needed.



I like it. Its not the best but its definitly pretty good.
4/5

 

I like it a lot, but can't be bothered to post a long reveiw right now. (I won't bore you with my problems) So I promise I'll get one up sooner or later.

4.5/5

 

Really couldnt get into this fic, i tried because it seemed pretty well written and a good idea but it just didnt work for me. 2/5

 

I'm working on chapter seven right now, and I can honestly say I think it kicks ass. I haven't really focused on too much "action" in any of my other fics, but this one has me coming up with stuff that I would want to see Harry and Ron doing if ever they ended up in a fight for their lives with a throng of angry blood-suckers....

Oh, and until further notice, my sister won't be writing any more chapters. She started another fic and just kind of left it up to me to write this one until she wants to put in further input, which she has verbally, but I'm doing all the writing from this point on.

 

As there isn't a "action/adventure" or "drama" category, is it possible for it to go into independent? I'm going through to update the C2 as we need new blood in there, but there is nothing new in Independent.

Would you be against it being in there, and do you feel as the author, that this is an Independed!Harry story?

 

Independent is fine. I like that.

 

Good story, I like it. So far I'd give it a 4/5 because there is some interruption in the flow. (The bits in brackets interrupt the flow as well - use a comma or a semi-colon if need be, brackets put the sentence outside of the story).

Overall - 4/5.

 

I deleted because I'm re-working it a bit. Well...a lot. It needs a serious makeover, and when I post it again it will be much better, with a clearer plot.

It'll be back--thanks for the support.

 

What is it with writers deleting their own stuff "because its no good"? You obviously thought it was good enough to post on a fanfic site and that it was good enough to post about on DLP.net... What makes people suddenly decide to delete their works?

--bornagainpenguin (who does not have a copy of this in the archives)

 

*shrugs*

I think it's my right to delete the shit if I want to. And as it is now, I'm unahppy with it, it didn't go the way I wanted it to. So when I'm ready to repost it I will....

Sorry to irritate you, there, guy.