New cliche: In every Romance fic it is inevitable that the harry/whoever will have sex and every time harry will enevitably have a monstrous gigantic penis. and Harry pulled out his 2 1/2 feet long and 6 inches around dick" Bullshit the boy was malnourished his entire life I highly doubt that And inevitably he will be able to go for hours on end without release pretty good for his 1st time "Oh harry lets go for 12 times im feeling lucky"

For once as much as I would hate it id love this scene

Ginny: "harry please dont tell me you already lost it "
Harry: "Im sorry Ginny i'll try harder next time"
Ginny: "Jeez harry Ron lasted longer than you"
Harry: "WHAT"
Ginny: "In fact every guy i've ever been with has lasted longer than you"
Harry: "How many guys have you been with?"
Ginny: "Well there was neville,dean,fred george,seamus,bill,charlie,filch,mundungus,kingsley,justin finch fletchley, marcus flint,Professor flitwick,Cornelius Fudge,tom riddle,euan abercrombie,stuart ackerley,Proffesor snape,avery,nott,crab,goyle, Draco malfoy,ludo bagman,Crouch Sr.,Professor Binns,Moody,Slughorn, Sirius, Professor Lupin,Terry Boot,Borgan,Lucius Malfoy,Sir cadogan,Micheal corner,colin creevy,dennis creevy,Barty Crouch, Dobby, Kreacher, Hargrid,Fang,firenze,bane,roger davies,dawlish,diggle,cedric diggory,amos diggory,harold dingle,Professor dumbledore, aberforth dumbledore,fat friar, nearly headless nick, bloody baron, peeves,fortescue, ollivander,Anthony goldstien,fenrir,hooper,lee jordan,karkaroff,victor krum,rabastan, rodolphus,lockhart,frank longbottom,frank bryce, dudley, vernon, stan shunpike,ernie macmillan,
mcnair,montague,perkins,pettigrew, sturgis podmore,ernie prang,quirrel,Rookwood,tom the bar keep,griphook,rufus scrimgeour,sloper, kirke,zacharias smith,ted tonks,Voldemort,warrington,dad,percy,wood,ragnok,grawp,magorian,and roan"
Harry: uke:


P.S. sorry if i missed anybody she can't remember every guy

 

HAHAHAHAHA!!! That was great... and yes, that does seem odd, but then again, its what the author wants, and I dont think that nuroushment has anything to do with the size of your dick...

 

I "assumed" malnourishment stunts all types of growths.....but we all know what assuming does

 

Okay here's one I just saw that annoyed me to no end...

Harry (or insert main character here) is about to confess his feelings for _Love Interest_ only to have that derailed because she\he has already heard this confession before because the 'author' decided to have Harry give a little soliloquy about all his feelings to move the plot along...can we say 'Show don't Tell?'

Harry: Love Interest, I don't know how to tell you this, but--

Love Interest: Oh Harry... You don't have to say anything! (places finger on Harry's lips) As I walked by your room the other night, I saw you [spoiler:294f4193ae]wow is this censored![/spoiler:294f4193ae] while proclaiming loudly in Greek that I was your True Love and that I was the only one for you!

Harry: You saw that? I mean I'd never do that with Fluffy!

Bonus points are added for every time one of the supporting casts gives a three sentense recap of the last few chapters, begining with the word 'WHAT!?!' and five points for each additional exclaimation mark.

--bornagainpenguin

 

New cliche:

Hermione looked around nervously, and replied to Ron "Oh, honestly Ron! You-Know-Who could attack this train at any time!!!!!!!!!!!!! !"

Harry scowled at her while Ron smashed his head against the window for fun.

Adopting the Dumbeldore-ish persona that he always used when authors wanted him to say something profound, he said "Fear of a name only increases the fear for the thing itself. Call him by his true name if you must, Miss Granger. If you cannt stomach the thought of calling him Voldemort, then call him Tom Riddle."

Hermione blinked, and wandered away, muttering "You-Know-Who" and "insanity" under her breath.

WHY OH WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO FALL INTO THIS STIGMA?

The fic might spend pages ranting about how Haryr hates Dumbledore's old wrinkly ass, but then...at the drop of a hat, he quotes the 'old coot' (another cliche).

Another one is the frequently enthusiastic/sometimes sardonic way in which Harry says "Death is but the next great adventure"

Get some originality, assholes.

 

well if harry says "death is but a great adventure" right before he says "and its time for your next great adventure" to dumbledore then is it cliche? ive never read anything where he actually mocked dumbldore with that line.

 

Hmmm...that sounds interesting. I had a vague though once that was even more vaguely connected with Harry saying something like that, but what you pinted out sounds like pure gold.

Would you mind if i used it, probably somewhat loosely, in my fic at some point?

I don't foresee it as being a real threat...more like a sardonic reply to some pretentious garbage that Dumbeldore spouts off.

 

Ok, its probably been said, but, Isnt it weird how wizards always seemed to be so much more powerful 1000 years ago, when wandless magic was common place. It was only with the introduction of wands that wizards became lazy and relied too much on the wands core, rather than that of the wizard


The question is, why are ancient wizards always (apparently) more powerful than modern day ones?

 

I think you just answered your self the question you were asking us.

 

Yeah...

I dunno, but i can't understand how stuck up some of the purebloods come across as in canon. Don't they understand that man didn't just appear out of nowhere someday with a wand in hand?

Evolution, blah blah blah.

Seriously, even if certain cavemen were capable of magic, i'm sure they wouldn't have known how to use it rather than to light a fire or something. At that pojnt, hitting some muggle cavewoman over the head and dragging her back to the cave for a wild romp probably didn't osund as bad to them as purebloods make it out to be.

Basically, all purebloods therefore descend from muggles, thus invalidating their point.

However, maybe they see it differently. May be they think that 'X' number of generatoins of marrying only between magical families discounts their origins from muggles. Maybe thirty-forty generatoins makes them a pureblood.

Whatever.

 

you know we are talking about 'high and mighty' pure bloods. who knows what's going in there head.

 

I think the pureblooded theory would be that wizards have evolved from muggles to become a different species. Thus wizards:muggles :: muggles:apes. It would fit with the general pureblood/racist analogy.

My two pet peeves are authors that make things way too easy for Harry, and authors that interpret canon in such a way as to create giant plot holes.

I understand that canon can't really be interpreted so as to completely avoid plot holes (especially with Fidelius, the luck potion, and Wizard's Oaths), but some authors seem to go out of their way to create more. A lot of the "power Harry up" devices (wands, trunks, time-dilation) fit in here: if such powerful and useful items are available, why hasn't Voldemort used them?

This leads to the other problem, which is fics where Harry is so powerful there's no real tension in conflicts. Either Harry kills the bad guys easily, or he doesn't kill them for reasons that make no sense other than the author wanting to drag out the story. It's like playing a video game on God mode--amusing, but not for too long. Actually, these fics are like reading somebody's written story about playing a video game on god mode...

 

Only thing I can figure is the general lack of magical ability. Wands were not always around, but from what Olivander's shop says, they have been around for a long damn time.

I would assume that most wandless or ancient magics, whatever you want to use to make them more powerful, could only be pulled off my the more powerful of the population. The average wizard has to use their wand, they can't focus their power enough otherwise.

Accidental magic is the only time it seems they can, and seems like it would fade out because as you grow older, your emotions are less primal and base, and become more complex.

I would think that the Hogwarts staff would teach the average, and not the exceptional, so you won't see anyone teaching a more powerful magic, as there may only be one or two a generation to learn it.

 

You people know you're arguing about completely made up fanon concepts, right?

The idea that wizards were more powerful years ago, the idea that wandless magic was commonplace, or even that older people are more powerful than younger ones.

None of these have basis in JKR's world/canon.

There may be evidence supporting some of this, but that's the same as the evidence that my socks keep the elephants away. No elephants, it must be true.

But I remembered seeing someone rant about something that caught my interest the other day. Why the hell is the Chamber of Secrets with an entrance in a girls bathroom? The concept of indoor plumbing or pipes or anything short of a bucket and a hole in the ground was centuries later. The basilisk moves through the pipes, but of course pipes in bathrooms came around somewhere near 1800 maybe? I just looked it up. In 1775, was the first time water was put in a toilet bowl.

Dunno. Just bothered me.

 

Maybe when wizards build high end buildings, they hire seers to consult with the architects to make sure they're compatible with future technology. Or we could go with the canon-ish view that the 11th century was basically like today except that people wore funny looking clothes.

Back on topic, one cliche that I've seen around a lot recently is the whole "misguided wizards are actually weaker than muggles" thing. That one Wheel of Time crossover is particularly bad, with the whole "kevlar is the most spell resistant material ever" and "guns plow through shields" thing, but quite a few fics tend to have guns as being nearly as effective as magic in a fight.

 

New Cliche: (I think)

Spells with a ridiculous number of conditions attatched to them, or just ridiculus spell in general. E.g. and this isnt even that bad, but really annoys me

"Oh i put a spell on malfoy so when ever he blinks 3 times in a minute, he will get the urge to touch is nose and sing a song, the spell wont end until someone with green hair gets sorted into Hufflpuff by the sorting hat" Harry said naughtliy.

 

Other one-
When Harry is in the book store and browsing through the shelves there is a;ways books written by people he know.
Like-
"So, you want to be an auror?" by Alastor Moody
"Guide to Animagus transfiguration" by James Potter and\or Sirius Black
"Most dangerous potions" by Severus Snape
"Household charms for everyday" Lily Potter or Molly Wealey
"Guide to be a succesful Dark Lord" by Salazar Slytherin
"Chronology of Goblin Rebellions" by Berl Binns
and so on......... annoying to the end

 

Im not sure if this is new but one cliches is in powerful!harry or watever story the Death Eaters ALWAYS attack the Express and usually it serves either as filler or something else for Harry to yell at Dumbledore for or show his new powers.

I've only seen it done properly once and that was in Daakath when they lost their innocence after killing making them more susceptible to Harry.

 

oh i got one. sirius somehow comming back from the veil. The fucker is dead get over it.

"Oh Harry I found a way to bring sirius back from the veil." Hermione said rushing into the room. Harrys eyes lit up.
" really!?" asked dumbfounded.
" Yes, all we have to do is politely ask the veil to give him back to us."

scenes like that piss me off a bit