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WIP Hurricane Suite by The Pro - T - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by RustyRed, Nov 30, 2010.

  1. Wizardmon0073

    Wizardmon0073 Second Year

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    I thought the reason why Naruto is so different from his canon counterpart was explained as 1) knowing who his mother is and wanting to make her proud even if she is dead 2) his failure under Kakashi and almost bombing of his dream (jounin) 3) not feeling overwhelming hatred from Konoha but rather indifference that made him want to achieve something.

    What I wanted to say is that I believe differences between canon!Naruto and this one were explained sufficiently IMO.

    And author has changed his name if somebody is confused. Now he/she is The Pro.
     
  2. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    To clarify, the problem we naysayers have is that the author is bad at characterization, leaving us reading about cardboard cutouts engaged in some very epic fight scenes. This is entertaining, but not particularly attention-grabbing.

    Yep. No arguments there, except maybe on calling this portrayal of Naruto a person. It's not that he's poorly characterized, it's that he's barely characterized at all. When you read this story, you get very little sense of how he views that world around him, of how he feels as a human being living an actual life, or just who he is as an individual. Where the author has failed is in differentiating his main character from the supporting cast in anything other than skill.

    Actually, I feel the author did an okay job at that. It all made a lot of sense to me why his Naruto is the way he is, except for the whole being a near-emotionless puppet thing.
     
  3. RustyRed

    RustyRed High Inquisitor

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    Eeeh, I don't know if I totally agree with the characterization thing anymore. It was pretty bad at first, but he does have a more expressive personality now. I think part of it is just that we're used to authors trying to make Naruto super 'witty' or loud, while this one is sort of trying to be the consummate soldier. So maybe he's not the Naruto we're used to, but that doesn't make him a cardboard cutout. Another factor is that we've rarely had a chance to see him outside of a fight, during which he would actually have time to reflect on things. Anyway, I kind of don't care so much in this case--the fight scenes are too cool. :D

    I liked the addition of some of the Rookies we're used to; it was neat seeing them react to Naruto even if it was rather on the periphery. I hope he gets a chance to interact more with Kakashi and Jiraiya, too.
     
  4. Antix_Shadows

    Antix_Shadows First Year

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    ^this

    But I would like to say that seeing him outside of the constant combat situations would be more interesting, since all we see him is during his 'on duty shift'. Also, I don't believe it would be too much to ask to see things from other people's perspective more often, especially the genin.
    While I do find the fic to be quite interesting, the lack of any general perspective aside from danzo and sarutobi grates after a while. Sure, Naruto may be a soldier, even a very professional one at that, but he's still human, and so are everyone he interacts with. I don't know if I got the point across right, but I hope this made sense at least.
     
  5. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    Exactly what I meant. Naruto in this story is utterly one dimensional, because of the situations the author puts him in. However, soldiers still have opinions and feelings about the orders they get. I would call him more of a "Monotonous Killer" than a soldier at this point.

    We pretty much agree then. I just don't find it particularly interesting, given how many stories I've read with a cold and soldier-like Naruto that are just better and more epic.
     
  6. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
    And we all know where that leads. Thunderbirds, Death Dragons, huge basilisks, half demons, gay more powerful than everyone ever vampires who are also big ass dragons.


    Yeah my only real complaint has been stated that Naruto is rather one dimensional.
     
  7. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    ... what kind of characterization are you guys looking for? He shows the depth of his 'emotion' by becoming 'angry' when his compatriots die. He shows his resilience from blossoming after the tragedy. He shows his morbid humor when joking with his teammates. He displays concern when 'protecting' the genin team. You call it a lack of characterization when a author doesn't devote paragraphs to a character's internal monologue. At least, that's what it seems like to me. If anything, its the way the story is delivered that's dull, not the characterizations. Ninja stuff explained, Naruto fights, Naruto interacts with people, Naruto fights, ninja stuff is explained. Every chapter follows roughly the same formula.
     
  8. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    Something more interesting than "Generic Soldier #187745"? You'd think the author would want something a little more enticing for his main character.

    Yes, and this Naruto is an incredibly boring character. He doesn't really change, he doesn't grow, and he doesn't do anything interesting other than fight. The biggest problem with this characterization is that his character isn't given enough room to develop. Look at Geor-sama's stuff, like Naruto: Altered History, where the fight scenes are well handled and the characters do more than try to kill each other. Regardless of the personality of the characters, if they are only shown in a single type of situation, they will be boring.
     
  9. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    "The soldiers do more than try to kill each other." That's so illuminating. Good you be any more vague? I don't see much difference between this and every other decent Naruto fic. This one just has less emotional tripe than others. Less grandstanding and posing.
     
  10. rj_stone2

    rj_stone2 Seventh Year

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    What struck me on reading this story is that Naruto doesn't have any relationships with his peers that go any deeper than being a friendly co-worker. He might like his teammates, but he doesn't really open up to them (and there's nothing like manga Naruto's burning desire to impress his teammates). There's a girl he's sweet on, but it's played super low key, so it isn't really a source of dramatic tension. There's no real antagonist.

    It feels weird to say it about a story with so much combat, but there's a real lack of meaningful conflict. Naruto fighting a bunch of mooks isn't enough to carry the story when there's no context given to make us care about it.
     
  11. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    I prefer his other fic, Patriot's Dawn.
     
  12. Bucks

    Bucks Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    I disagree, the other fic was... well, not something I haven't read 100 times over. Up until the point
    Asuma died
    it read as the same old 'Naruto focuses on his training early fic' or whatever they are called. It is still only two chapters in after that event so I can't really judge how it will go from there.
     
  13. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    Everything is the 'same old' nowadays,
     
  14. Hasty

    Hasty Fourth Year

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    The fic was just updated. Not an incredible chapter but it put everything in place for the next arc which looks to be interesting.

    I just hope that Konohamaru, if he ever becomes a substantial part of the story, ends up being at least a little different from canon!Naruto. Not so worried about personality, as they're pretty similar anyway, but skill-set wise. For example it would be interesting to see Konohamaru with the monkey contract and, hopefully, no rasengan.
     
  15. Bucks

    Bucks Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Heh, so what other Fanfic do you know of which is similar to this fic. I know it is the first of its kind that I've read.
     
  16. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    @ Bucks: Really? It was rather popular a few years ago. "Naruto w/o Kyuubi" is a genre in and of itself, and the traditional character twist is to make him extremely focused, because somehow the Kyuubi has become equated to ADHD.
     
  17. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    I found it moderately interesting. 3.5/5
     
  18. Knyght

    Knyght The Chosen One

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    What does Hurricane Suite mean? I've always wondered...

    Like before, I read this story once years ago after hearing the hype but failed to see the appeal. Now I'm back and giving it another shot following my re-read of Patriot's Dawn.

    First Arc (Prologue - Chapter 11)

    So, admittedly, I didn't get into this until the Konoha Crush in Chapter 7.

    Call it a slow burn but the prologue and first six chapters just weren't that interesting to me despite following an almost entirely original storyline. It's not boring but it didn't hook me either, even if it did pick an interesting divergence with Naruto failing Kakashi's bell test.

    It does a good job of expanding on Anbu with how they operate as part of Konoha and how ninja work within the organisation. On top of that is Root doing their work without them being an illegal division - at least not as far as the Hokage is concerned - as well as Danzo being a competent ally instead of just another antagonist like always.

    The fight were generally good to read and the invasion itself was a solid show of what it would actually be like to be part of the defending forces rather than the more independent fights that Naruto usually ends up in. There's the emotional strain of fighting for hours in an ever-changing situation, the continuous loss of their allies and reacting to genuinely dangerous war tactics such as the two waves of attack. Plus how terrifying it is to see a Tailed Beast in the midst of your home.

    Part of what I struggled with is just that I never found this version of Naruto that interesting despite liking the idea of him not being a jinchuuriki for once. The rest was just a collection of things that bothered me.

    One is Naruto's affinity being changed to water which I've always found to be the least interesting element, and the inclusion of the 'high' and 'low' affinities though that's more to do with the chosen terminology than the concept. There's the 'original' jutsu that Naruto develops which is actually the preexisting False Surroundings Jutsu, Lariat which is distinct to the A-B Combo, and the Black Hiding in Mist Jutsu which is genuinely original but doesn't appear for the rest of the arc as far as I could tell.

    The weirdest thing is Naruto having small chakra reserves. It's perfectly logical considering his non-jinchuuriki status but we're repeatedly told about it to an almost annoying degree and rarely, if ever, see it actually have a tangible effect in his battles. The only positive thing I got out of that is that it motivated him to practice his chakra control which he doesn't often bother with even in stories where that's a major issue for him.

    Naruto's heritage throws me since his parents were actually alive for the first year of his life yet he only knows about his mother, not being able to find anything about his father, and explicitly believes he doesn't come from a "lost and obscure bloodline" when that is literally the case.

    And I feel like we just miss out on things like when we skipped Naruto's confrontation with Mizuki (preceded with what felt like a really random fight with Kidoumaru), why Kimimaro was fighting on the streets in the Konoha Crush instead of helping Orochimaru, and Jiraiya fighting Orochimaru outside the village but without Hiruzen dying.

    All things said, if the first arc was all there is then I'm not sure I'd rate it higher than 3.5/5. Fortunately, there's more.

    Second Arc (Chapter 12+)

    This is where the story finally hits its stride and the quality goes right up.

    There is a not-insignificant part of me that thinks that Hurricane Suite should have started with this arc. You'd lose the setup but it'd hit the ground running as we follow Naruto in pursuit of atonement with Akatsuki while exploring his war-filled past.

    But wishful thinking aside, we start with the mystery of what exactly made Naruto decide to leave the shinobi life when he was last seen going to war and was as loyal and dedicated as they came.

    And without wasting any time we're confronted with the leader of Akatsuki face-to-face as we see Nagato himself in perfect health; Pain's a fine villain but having Nagato up and about instead of crippled makes things a lot more interesting in my opinion. Throw in his interesting personality - which may or may not be a purposefully cultivated façade - with his apparent desire to connect with his last living relative then a far more believable plan for world peace and you've got a winning combination.

    This arc allows me to forgive Naruto's affinity being changed to water as he harnesses the capabilities beyond what's ever been achieved in canon. He'd always used a random hodgepodge of jutsu before this - which he alludes as he acknowledges that being like Hiruzen just ain't happening - and there's something a lot more appealing in seeing him push a jutsu style to its limit with his sensory jutsu and boiling/freezing skills. The closest I've ever seen to this before was Hanzo in Houses of the Holy in a rather memorable moment of fanfiction so it was awesome to see that again. Plus Nagato providing his unique knowledge on chakra and Naruto perceiving the world in ways that might lead to discovering certain natural energies...

    The flashbacks are a surprisingly strong part of the arc which is saying something since I typically dislike jumping back to the past; the demonstration of Naruto's close (and only) friendship he had with Haku, his initial disdain for a missing-nin like Zabuza, his missions in Grass Country. Most important is Naruto's battle against Roushi which is one of the best fighting scenes there is and made a fine turning point for his new lifestyle.

    But since there's no such think as perfect I'll point out a couple mistakes: Nagato tells Naruto that Jiraiya was his teacher in Chapter 13 and was then surprised when Nagato said it again in Chapter 15, and Naruto thought he was being tortured for five days in Chapter 14 and then was surprised that it was five days in Chapter 15.

    And despite how pivotal the memories of the war in Grass Country are, I couldn't find a single mention of the name (or even code name) of Naruto's team leader which kept catching me out since it was like it being deliberately excluded. Said team leader also taught Naruto "a modified form of the Chakra Flex" which bugged me from the lack of explanation on what that's meant to be (modified or otherwise) or how it differs from just using chakra. But none of those are deal breaking.

    Once again, I'm looking forward to what comes next.

    4/5
     
  19. Imperial

    Imperial Squib

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    I don't know if Dr Snakes MD/Inert is for me.

    This one has a lot of the same earmarks as his other stories, The Uzumaki's Peace and Patriot's Dawn -- a preoccupation with turning Naruto into a dickhead who trains harder than he did in canon so the author can write him stronger and more morally dodgy. Granted, if you are like me and think canon Naruto is an obnoxious bore who needs to get off his high horse, then changing up Naruto isn't a bad thing. But Dr S writes Naruto with a self-indulgent hand.

    Just look at how Naruto rants against Sakura or privately muses that Konohmaru (who is even more of a Naruto clone in the HS than he usually is) devoting all this time and effort to pranking is an exercise in futility. That's not Naruto talking. That's the author using his Naruto-In-Name-Only as a mouthpiece to criticize characters or concepts he doesn't like.

    And you know, for a while, even that is forgivable. Dr S brings fight scenes to the table like few others, and that was enough to hold me over until it dawned on me that this is the only thing HS and PD really have going for them. I can only read so many times about the way Naruto creates an Earth Clone to distract his enemies before throwing a kunai at his enemy's head and corkscrewing through the air to dodge a kick and throw a throat-crushing Lariat simultaneously. These are evocative images that capture the chaos and creativity of ninja combat, but at some point, it becomes about as exciting as reading a step-by-step instructional guide about the Foxtrot. Move here. Do this. Move there. Do that. Repeat.

    I never thought I would find a good fight scene boring, but these stories manage to pull it off. There's no emotional heft to any of it. It's a Naruto I barely recognize fighting wave after wave of faceless goons. It reads like a power fantasy about Dr S's idea of what a "real" ninja would be like. And even that almost works with the big change about a dozen chapters into the story. Dr S really pulled the rug out from under me as a reader and set the story on a brand new course.

    But I didn't care anymore. NINO doesn't hold my interest. The thought of edgy, badass, fugitive Naruto doesn't hold my interest. The hero's journey into villainy (or at least less clear-cut morality) is one of my absolute favorite arcs in fiction when done well, but this is not a shining example of that journey.

    His stories are frustrating because there is clearly some great writing going on here, and some fun ideas on display. But then the author communicates those notions in some of the dullest, most disappointing ways imaginable. It's always a case of one step forward, two steps back.

    2.5/5 (rounded up to three for voting purposes) on the strength of the prose and the weakness of the execution
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2018
    Sey
  20. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Hurricane Suite has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 19
    Words: 142,779
    Updated: 2018-12-04 20:14:48 UTC
    Published: 2010-03-09 22:42:01 UTC
    Previously updated: 5 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
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