You are the submissive, and Hagrid is the dominant.

I wish I still had feeling in my fingers.

 

The feeling in your fingers return, and a falling weight crushes them.

I wish my memory would return.

 

God damnit, I'm not learning...

You remember your run-ins with Ginny... you realise you forgot them for a reason ...

I wish for better marks on my final exams than the one I've gotten. Their pretty nice, but I'm not satisfied, damnit.

 

The scores on your final exams go up by 25%, but your expelled for cheating.

I wish my computer was faster.

 

It's so fast it runes from your house and you can't catch it.

I wish to be called "World".

 

Damn, always the cheating ...

Leibhaftige Finsternis: Your computer has become so fast it finally manages to run away from you.

John Croaker: You become Leibhaftige Finsternis.

I wish I could find a woman that is the exact opposite of Ginny.

€dit: Urgh...

 

They don't listen.

I wish...that someone, somewhere gets shot in the balls and then has a flaming stick stuck up their ass and burns off whatever's left in their balls, and it can't happen to me.

 

Again to edit, damm.

It happens to the rest of the world, you are green with envy.

I wish for world peace. (no coments)

 

It happens to Chuck Norris. And he knows you are responsible. Running won't help you, buddy.

I wish the voices in my head would be quiet.

 

They were your thoughts, you think no more now.

I wish i could write like a native english cat.

 

They are, but next time when a speeding car is coming the voices aren't there to say "Move the fuck out of the way, dumbass."

I wish for an alien to come and eat Bush and Cheney.

 

The digested remains of both stay in office.

I wish I hadn't eaten all those chips. scheissdiewandan...

 

You ate liquid iron. (Help your self!)

I wish i had three eyes.

 

You do, and no girl will ever like you again.

I wish for IP82 to update.

 

He does, but you are blind and can't read them.

I wish for a new author to come up with a worth reading fic. (no ginny, slash or real life politics allowed.)

 

The author arises and completes an awesome fic in a days time, but your internet crashes as well as everyone you know.

I wish for Star Wars episodes 7,8, and 9 to be filmed.

 

They are, but theyre not really star wars, thats just their names. Its really three movies full of incest, slash, dominating ginslut-sex and lots and lots of close ups...

i wish for superman's super-powers

 

You get them, but you can't control them and end up inside the sun for eternity.

I wish this wish was granted.

 

You have wasted a perfectly good wish. An angry mob shows its displeasure by ripping you apart with cold fish fingers. It's a slow death.

I wish there was no netspeak.

 

You get your wish netspeak's name is changed to GEEKSPEAK.

I wish for the world to not have to pay taxes ever again.