You are able to write and publish them, but only on adultfanfiction where all the slash/ginny etc lovers flame you and don't appreciate your work. Your self esteem plumets and you commit suicide because you think the world will be better without your fanfiction.

I wish i could have a barbeque tonight

 

you can only have a barbeque at an apartment building and the guy 2 floors up toliet broke so he's been using a can an dumps it on grill by accident just as your foods about to finish.


i wish i could own my own bar

 

You have your very own metal stake, though it's slightly dented.

I wish to be able to change my body at will.

 

You can. To become bigger you must eat more food, to become smaller you must go on a diet.

I wish for a billion wishes and I wish that my eyes wouldn\'t stop burning.

 

You get them, but a genie vindictively turns you into a equine dollop of turd. You would cry, but you'd feel gross and leakey, so you hold it in

I wish my guitar would stop detuning overnight.

 

All the strings are destroyed so its never in or out of tune.

I wish my laptop battery would last longer

 

Your laptop batttery lasts for decades at a time, but you left it on the whole time and the heat from the battery destroyed the laptop.

I wish I had better eyesight.

 

Your eyesight is so good you have to wear eyesight disrupting glasses that block the color spectrums not visible to normal eyesight to keep your brain from overloading and making you blind.

I wish the existance of a higher power would finallly be proven or disproven.

 

Its proven but its not the higher power as you know it. Instead, the power is based on slash loving fools who decide to control the world and weild it as their homeland of slash and gay-things. You shall be included among this gayness...

I wish i could go to space in a big spaceship...

 

You miscalculate a hyperspace jump and are forever trapped on a ship with nothing but burly men randomly floating in space unable to find your way back to earth.

I wish I could breathe underwater and survive the pressure of the deepsea.

 

Your wish is granted, but as soon as you get your wish all the water in earth randomly evaporates for some strange reason, and since you can\'t breathe air anymore you die. Then a bunch of other random people piss at your grave in a sad attempt to bring you back to life.

I wish to be the greatest bestest most powerful sorcerer in the world.

 

Your wish is granted, however the world is full of abusive! Dursleys and you are unable to do wandless magic.

You are called a freak and live out your days being savagely beaten/sodomized by Vernon, Dudders, and their descendants.

I wish for a dirty stinky smelly nasty sock.

 

Your wish is granted. You get a dirty smelly sock. In fact you get several as you are captured by slash writers. They think socks are sexy, especially smelly ones and make you eat a sock a day. Then they have some nice kinky fun that involves whips, chains, paddles, and whip cream with you.

I wish for a big bucket of chicken. (to eat)

 

How did you know my secret fantasy?

Your wish is granted. However the chicken is laced with a poison that kills you slowly over the course of 20 years while keeping you in a state of pain that is constantly changing in it's intensity between "Oh my god it's a compound fracture through my balls" and "I believe I have just shattered my hand".


I wish for a dirty smelly stinky shoe

 

Whats with you and footwear?

Your wish is granted. You are beaten by nazi german veterans with a smelly shoe. Happy now?

I wish for a better computer that doesnt make me have annoying slashes in my post.

 

you get it. Unfortunately its the computer at the prison you are sent to for attempted theft at a computer store. The last time you use it is to write your suicide note to avoid a repeat of 'Bubba' forcing you to drop the soap.

I wish nothing bad would ever happen, and that nothing good could ever be too good for me.

hah!

 

I wish some admin would come in and smite the stupidity out of this thread.

 

Your wish is granted.