I'd throw down the rubber sword and bow and arrow, jump on the Horse and get the fuck away from Zombie.

If I gave you the password to my Facebook account...

 

My eyes would bleed after looking at all of the ugly bitches you have for friends.

If I gave you a knife-wrench, 'shrooms, and a Platinum Visa...

 

I would cut the shrooms with the Visa and protect it with the knife.


If I gave you a Rubber ducky and a bathtub full of K.Y.

 

I'd put a smile on that face of yours.

If I gave you the ability to make all members of the same sex extremely attracted to you.

/totally gay post

 

I'd never use it!

If I gave you a helmet, some toothpicks, and rough sandpaper...

 

I would put the helmet on and glue the sand paper to my feet while chewing on a toothpick. Then sand my deck.


If I gave you the ability to read any five persons thoughts for the rest of their lives.

 

I'd read your's so I could figure out how to read the rest of the world's minds and be called Emperor of Earth.

If I gave you a bright orange socks, a bullet, two acorns and a pound of feathers...

 

I'd make you look ridiculous the next morning.

If I gave you Season shot and a shotgun...

 

Woohoo! Mugglenet hunting party!

If I gave you a string of Christmas lights, a Gay pride flag, nails and directions to Shezza's house...

 

I'd use the first three to decorate my house and stay the hell away from Shezza, 'cause I don't trust that chick.

If I gave you a lifetime supply of medical marijuana, a Swedish penis enlarger, and a jet ski...

 

I'd be set for fucking life.

If I gave you three dead corpses, a shovel, and a video of your mom and I having sex...

 

You'd be the fourth corpse.

If I gave you an inability to get STDs, a pineapple, and a dart-gun...

 

Good god I'd fuck so much HIV-infected pussy... poor little things have been ignored lately. Might even share my pineapple before knocking them out with the dart gun and leaving.

If I gave you Raven's admin password and account to DLP...

 

I'd redirect the forums to SIYE.

If I gave you a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pritt stick...

 

I'd get so drunk that I'd stop wondering what the fuck a pritt stick is.

If I gave you a Taco Bell franchise...

 

I'd relocate it to Mexico, monopolize the fast food economy there, and train my Mexican employees in the Art of War...yeah, i'm building my own personal army, so what?

If I gave you a hogtied Knox, a bucket of ice cubes, and glue...

 

I see two illiterate fags (glue =/= lube, gaiths).

If I gave you Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, and a gun with one bullet...

 

Shoot Paris. No question.

Paris is a greasy, oily bitch, and Jessica isn't.

Jessica is also far easier on the eyes. That would alleviate the headache of talking to her.

If I gave you a severed foot, some Chinese firecrackers, and a ham sandwich...

 

I'd put the Chinese firecrackers in the severed foot and ding dong ditch someone while eating a ham samdwich.

If I gave you a piece of garlic bread, a human skull, 4 bats and a brown bag...

 

I'd think you were an alcoholic vampire, although for that reason, I'd at least thank you for the garlic bread.

If I gave you a choice between sexing up Celine Dion, Sarah McLachlan or Melissa Etheridge...