I'd drink the soda after jamming the squirrel up Oz's ass. I'd then proceed to shove the empty soda bottle up there too.


If I gave you a shit-covered squirrel, an empty tube of KY, a somewhat-brown empty soda bottle and Oz...

 

I wouldn't touch any of it and fucking bail.


If I gave you a plane ticket to Hawaii and a guide on how to score Japanese pussy.

 

I'd go to japan.

If I give you a baby, a yellow truck and a spaceship...

 

I'd leave the baby on its magic-hating Aunt's doorstep, with a note that says this is a replica of the truck that his father was driving when he and his mother died, and then hop on the Spaceship just before the world is destroyed in order to make way for a hyperspatial express route.

If, lying in your beds, many years from now, I gave you one chance, one chance...

 

Go back and step up to the challenge all those years ago...

If you could build a new reality with just one slight difference?

 

I'd build a reality where Amerision didn't fuck up the format of the thread.

If I gave you a donkey, a busty Mexican woman, and a pair of latex gloves...

 

I'd make the busty Mexicana chat up the 2nd wealthiest man in the world - a Mexican (I know. It's funny, right?), and get him to go drinking with her. She'd then spike his drink and leave him in a compromising position involving naked spooning with a donkey and brown smudges on his latex gloves. I'd then take pictures and bribe him.

If I gave you a box of Cheerios, brass knuckles, and a chia pet...

 

Naw. Early day tomorrow. Some other time.

 

I'd feed the Chia some Cheerios to soften it up and then interrogate it with the brass knuckles in order to find out the Question to Life.

If I gave you a spear-gun, amnesia and the Roman numerals XIII tattooed on your chest...

 

I'd get the tattoo removed as soon as possible.

And I'd shoot you with the spear-gun for giving it to me in the first place after I hunt you down because you gave me f***ing amnesia .

If I gave you a ticket to the zoo, a spade and a deck of playing cards...

 

I'd go to the zoo, play poker with a panda, and then start beating the shit out of it when i start losing.

If I gave you the lastest Dresden book, a blowup doll and a dead panda...

 

I'd let the doll and the panda have fun together while I devour the book.

If I gave you 1$, a smelly fish and a flower vase...

 

Id make fish stew with just fish and spend the dollar on a plastic spoon.

If i gave you a fork, three chickens, a cow, and 2 liters of barbecue sauce what would you do?

 

I'd sell it back to Old McDonald for twice the profit.

If I gave you a playground full of schoolchildren, some candy, a stun gun and Vash...

 

I'd knock out Vash, knock out the kiddies,rape the girls, and blame it on him.

If I gave you Former President Bush, a boxing ring, and 30 million cheering fans...

 

I'd let the 30 million people have him. Surely there's one or the other person who holds a grudge against him. Then I'd sit back and watch.

If I gave you a puppy, a litter pan and a pack of nappies...

 

I'd ask you what the hell 'nappies' are then smack the puppy across the face with the litter pan for peeing on my floor.

If I gave you $10, a fox, and a rotating roaster...

 

I would cook the $10 over the fox and spend the rotating roaster.

If I gave you the original Mona Lisa, a spork and a pirate ship...

 

You'd be looking at the new captain of HMS WTF!PWN with the Mona Lisa as my first mate and a spork to defend it all with.

If I gave you 26 pirate cannons, 50 pirates and a bottle of Johnson's Baby Lotion...