I wasn't sure whether or not to post this junk over in the fanfiction section, or over here, because it is nonsense, but this is what people are now going to be spouting as canon, even though it reads like extremely bad 'murica wank from 2004.

Things you need to know:

Ilvermorny is the American school. There are 4 houses. They are Wampus, Horned Serpent, Pukwudgie, and Thunderbird.

Not new information, but there's about 5,000 words associated with the founding of that American school that I felt deserved their own thread to behold.

 

Well, if it was directly created by JKR then it is in fact canon.

I may dislike the Cursed Child play, but if JKR says it's canon then it's canon.

 

That would be fine and all if she didn't have so many contradictory statements made. You can't have something be true and not be true at the same time. I only consider books 1-7 as canon, and all the expanded universe stuff is just flavor.

 

Uh, nope. Not accepting that. Goblins are cuntish cunts that give zero fucks and that's canon.

 

I didn't think it was that bad, tbh. A bit twee in parts, but nothing too bad.

 

I got sorted into Thunderbird.

Sounds cool.

 

Eh, the goblin saves the day part was awful, but generally it's leagues ahead of Cursed Child plot-wise.

 

That's not really saying much. You could make an argument for Twilight being leagues ahead of Cursed Child plot-wise.

 

At this point, we take what we can get.

 

Which is really sad, considering how imaginative the Harry Potter books are.
I am really dissapointed in the Ilvermony plotline. She had Native American mythology at her disposal and three hundred years of science and political history, and this is what she went with. Honestly, she couldn't have put that much effort into the plotline.

 

Agreed. This is something that any passable writer could produce in a day or two. The American Hogwarts, basically, only with less mystery.

 

Wasn't there something a year or so back where she incorporated a tiny bit of American Indian mythology into the HP-verse and she was called out by AI-SJW's for being racist and appropriating their heritage for her bank account. It was a thing.

 

So that means she shouldn't have done something creative with Native American mythology? Because SJWs cried foul? That's all they ever do.

 

Of all the dubious apocrypha from this article, this one nettles me the most:

Really? One would think (and I'd always assumed) that when a muggle grabs a wand to try and use it nothing would happen at all. Harry goes through hundreds of wands in Ollivander's shop trying to get one to respond to his untrained magical gift without so much as a peep from any but the one he buys, but if Dudley were to grab any of them, they'd buck like a bronco and spew forth explosive force? How does that even make sense? Much more, how is that likely to permit them to keep the Statute of Secrecy? If they were so volatile, you'd think the Ministries would be keeping a registry of wands to ensure that they don't get left behind when someone dies.

 

That wasn't the complaint, but go ahead

 

What? At least some of the wands rebelled in Harry's hands. I distinctly remember him knocking a shelf of wands down. And who says the Ministry doesn't keep a registry of wands? Ollivander is a walking registry as it is. Heck, it might be part of the reason why Brits are obligated to buy their wands from him, or why people hand down wands even though they don't work all that well.

I wish people had a more optimistic approach to canon/Word of God that they don't like. It's much more rewarding to shape it into something intelligent and coherent than to basically stamp your foot and deny its existence.

 

I'm not going to rant about SJWs because that's not the issue and we all know it. I get that JK may have been wary of backlash if she'd tried "appropriating their culture", but on the other hand, if that's why she didn't incorporate more American elements into Ilvermorny, it's disappointing. If that's NOT the case and she wrote what she did because that was the best she had come up with, it's even more disappointing. They're setting a whole new trilogy in America. I think the American school deserved more than it got.

Don't get me wrong, it's a cute family tale, but it's more like something I'd expect to see in Tales of Beetle the Bard, not a piece on the founding of a school. Am I not allowed to be feeling meh?

 

In the book, nothing happens until Harry gets the right one.

As it is, my point was that wands shouldn't do anything in the hands of a muggle, and if they did it would behoove the Ministries to be explicitly tracking the things, as from a Secrecy perspective they are unexploded bombs for evidence of magic. I'm also a bit bugged that Isolt could bash together a pair of wands overnight with nothing but core and wood at hand, but the whole story is meant to be legendary in tone.

I'm nettled but not reproachful- she can post what she likes and I enjoy the bits of lore that enhance the world and ignore the parts that conflict.

 

It wasn't about appropriating their culture, it was more along them being nightmarish creatures of Dark magic while she made them Animagi 2.0. Believe me, I have no idea why she'd change something that was so metal. That's like writing that vampires sparkle in sunlight.

That was movie only? Man, we really need asearchofharrypotter.

So make them do that! They don't do any of the other things you make them do in fanfic, why is this different? It's an interesting premise for a totalitarian AU. It's an interesting reason for Grindelwald to stop with the hiding and subjugate Muggles. And so on. I don't know, at the least it's an interesting what-if.