That's the thing with this fic. There are TONS of good scenes, good characterization, etc. But the reason why it feels mediocre because it gets bogged down with so much other useless junk. The whole story is just bloated and frankly, if this story was half the size it was now, it'd be perfect.

 

So much this.

 

I suppose the fact that it has been months since we have had a chapter from him has lowered my expectations for gab since I actually liked this chapter. The long coming talk about heroic spirits came and went and I can honestly say it was the best part of this chapter for me.The explanations about magecraft and its difference from sorcery really wasn't needed since it should play a fairly minor role at the most in this story unless gab has something coming. The harem scenes at the start just seemed kind of forced an really unnecessary but I guess it was necessary to get us back into the feel of every-day life again.

Is it sad that after 28 chapters and over 400 thousand words, Shirou's interactions with Miya are still the most interesting for me? I'm curious what could have happened with this story if Shirou simply got dragged into the seikirei plan because of his ideals instead of being an ashikabi now. It may be rather boring but on the other hand it may just cut out a lot of the unnecessary in this story if it was done right.

 

Oh, my god. That needs to be written. It could be :awesome

 

I read that and looked at your avatar, took me a few minutes to stop laughing at the expression.

 

Yeah, I could see that happening.

Haruka and Kuno have just escaped Shin Tokyo and run away to, you guessed it, Fuyuki City. But it turns out they didn't get out as scott-free as they thought, and run into the Disciplinary Squad on a sleepy street in the residential district. Chase/Fight ensues. A certain violet-haired pair of passerby's are caught up in the fight.

Shirou (now happily living with Sakura and Rider a la True Heaven's Feel) is returning home after a hard day of work and stumbles across a seemingly innocent couple and his housemates being accosted by some rather shady looking women (probably Haihane and Benitsubasa). Just as Sakura is about to be injured, Shirou intervenes, chasing off/killing the offenders. Then, after Haruka explains that more will probably come after them and that Shirou and is friends are in danger, Shirou heads off to Shin Tokyo and thrusts himself balls-deep in the Sekirei plan in an attempt to keep his loved ones safe.

Flimsy plotline at best, and will probably piss off a number of Sakura-haters, but that's all I got. That, and because of the when the FSN crowd is introduced to the Sekirei story, most of the preliminary setup crap from the Sekirei plan can be avoided and the story can jump right into the thick of things.

EDIT: Other Fandoms' post #12,000. Boo. Yaa.

 

While I love that plotline a stupid amount Sin Saiori, the amusing part is that no Sekirei would be able to hurt the FS/N cast. Shirou/Sakura/Rider are the strongest in Heavens Feel and they could win any fight solo. The more interesting part is how everyone would react to them instead.

 

It doesn't even need to be that much of a departure from what is going on now, just don't have Homura react to Shirou. Have them be friends instead, take some time with it and have Shirou start noticing some of the odd things going on in the town and eventually stumble on a Seikirei battle.

Though I will admit, having Shirou meet Minato and his Seikirei would definitely be amusing.

 

Btw, what was the reason that was given for why Shin Tokyo went into lockdown? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the reason given to the general public was protection against terrorist attacks. If so, that's more than enough reason for why Shirou would want to make a quick travel over.

 

Except Heaven's Feel Shirou stopped being an idiot. He won't go out of his way to save a bunch of strangers anymore and will only fight back an entire city if they threaten the people he loves.

 

Which was the point I was trying to make. There's no way he'd go anywhere near Shin Tokyo if his only reason was saving strangers. But the problem then is that only Karasuba or a couple truck loads of people with guns could pose the kind of threat that could get Shirou to move. And after that, which would supposedly be the first engagement, everything thereafter would be a cake walk curb-stomp-fest.

Actually, Karasuba being the one to chase Haruka and Kuno would work out pretty well. Being the second strongest after Miya (who could cleave battleships in half with a single swing from a couple hundred meters away), surely she'd pose some kind of threat when actually trying. The fight could be inconclusive, like a draw or Karasuba retreating on orders halfway through, and then Shirou and company would go to Shin Tokyo to finish the fight and keep their way of life safe.

 

Ahhhh, I haven't gone along the Heaven's Feel route yet so I didn't know his perceptions changed that much. I was thinking more with true UBW as the starting, same as In Flight.

Quick question, is Heaven's Feel the reason I keep seeing pictures on the Internet of Rider, Sakura, and Shirou living together?

 

Play the VN and go though Heavens Feel. Heavens Feel is the most important route of Fate/Stay and I would say it is the strongest. Then ignore everything I say as the rest of my post is spoiler heavy.

Even after the entire HF event, I still see Shirou as attempting to help people because he is a good person. It is not like he loses all desire to help others, he just doesn't have any self worth issues and he values his love more than anyone else. One of the most balanced mental state possible really.

 

HF Shirou was pretty bad ass. But while I don't hate Sakura I was never very fond of her either. It didn't help that Saber is a favorite character and she

Spoiler

goes evil and dies

That and I don't like Rider.

 

FUCKING UPDATED

 

Not only has it been updated, but the plot is actually moving forward.

 

The harem has pretty much ruined this story for me. I read this chapter, literally, because of nothing else to read.

 

Well i'll be damned, in a single chapter we went from wandering rather aimlessly through this story to actually having a plan. Its alive again! And not even little finger twitches alive but full blown arm movement!

 

It took him, what, three chapters to get his past resolved with his harem? Problem is, his writing is still repeating gestures and thoughts and dialogue. Never implying solely, just repeating over and over.

I still really like the premise of the story and I am glad there is a direction, but I highly doubt there is going to be much action. He's focusing much more character interaction, character development(what little there is), and Shirou thinking in detail about everything.

With that looming in my mind, I'm thinking of lowering my rating to a 3/5. The flaws in the story, to me at least, are heavily out-weighing the good. And this is even after a plot-rich chapter.

 

He needs an editor to make this story 1/3rd of the original length and it would be amazing.