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Abandoned In the Clockface, Weighted and Weary by Nuhuh - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Testament, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. claypigeon

    claypigeon First Year

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    46
    It's kinda funny that there are more words in this review section then there is in the actual story.


    No I take that back, It's very very sad.

    Anyway, excellent start to what will probably be a great fic Nuhuh.
     
  2. That Wench

    That Wench Skittles Addict

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    See, now my interest in your fic has gone from 7/10 to a whopping 10/10. Yeah baby!

    Plus ... when are you actually going to update Hily for me? I know you're working on DF right now (and I have it open as I write this) but really now, Hily is the way forward. Get to it.

    Also, Claypigeon makes an excellent point there about the reviews being longer than your fic. You might want to take that on board and write some more? All this work/social life business needs to cease. You need to get writing. NOW.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2008
  3. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

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    Tsk tsk That Wench, with fans like you it would be so easy to derail the story to appease your sexual obsessions. But perhaps I shall answer the question, what kind of woman will it finally take to make Dumbledore straight?

    Obvious answer: one that carries a strap on.

    Sorry That Wench, didn't mean to encourage any latent tendencies there^

    Much love for the all in one review for the fics.

    fic status: Demon's Feign 14,000 words written, update expected this weekend.
    Sighs of the Neglected Flower 1500 written, update expected weekend after.
    The Binding 2,500 written, update expected the weekend after this^
    In the Clockface 3000 written of Chapter 4 not Chapter 3, 3 weeks from today.

    Social/Academic/Real life: on hold for rabid fans.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2008
  4. That Wench

    That Wench Skittles Addict

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    Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?

    Waiting on a swift update btw! :)
    Edit: Oh, three weeks ... damn.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2008
  5. Nukular Winter

    Nukular Winter The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    Awesome start, but I'm a bit worried that this will turn out to be too ambitious (most redo's where Harry starts out at 11 don't get finished). There are also going to have to be a shitload of OC's...

    Still, good premise, solid execution so far. 4.5/5 for now.
     
  6. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

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    Thanks, glad you liked it.

    I understand, track record of these kinds of fics is not good, but one thing this has going for it is that I have the full plan for it figured out. So there are definite middle parts and end laid out.

    Unfortunately, I think OC's are inevitable, but the focus will be on familiar characters so that should help.
     
  7. KirijamaScion

    KirijamaScion First Year

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    Interesting story, don't think I've ever seen a Harry/Ariana fic before, it will definately be worth keeping an eye on this one to see how it develops if it ever does. 4/5
     
  8. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    Excellent beginning; as stated by other posters, the potential for this story is enormous. I don't know where the author plans to go with the plot, but that adds an element of excitement, rather than the usual predictability and cliches seen in other time-travel fics.

    4.5/5; the half point was for not having Harry wake up in his 6 year old body, casting a wandless "Lumos!"while planning to learn kung fun and visit the goblins about his trust fund....


    Edit: I was going to correct "kung fun", but decided not to as a means of punishment for my moment of wee-tad-ed-ness
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2008
  9. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    Inside YOUR closet. Go check.
    Good stuff, a bit early and all, but otherwise great.

    So is Harry in possession of the Elder Wand now? Ever?

    What's the deal on that front?

    Otherwise, good... I think the idea of skipping through time is good AND necessary. This thing would be a behemoth otherwise, and I don't think I've ever seen ANY fic start from Harry age 11, go to completion (other than canon).
     
  10. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

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    What equipment DOES Harry have with him, and is any of it strikingly inappropriate for the date? Did Harry ever repair/replace his wristwatch? As I remember, the "wrist" watch was invented by Queen Victoria, who took a pocket watch and attached it to a bracelet. Thus, wrist watches were considered effete until post-WW1.
    Are his glasses frames made of plastic?
    Is he wearing sneakers, a zipper, or an elastic waistband on his briefs?
    Don't let anyone see his teeth, if he has fillings.


    If Harry has the Hallows, does that mean that they are duplicated right now?
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008
  11. Palver

    Palver High Inquisitor

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    Harry has Malfoy's wand, Elder wand from present was still with Voldemort at the moment of his "departure". Interesting, would past Elder wand recognize Harry as it's Master? Will Harry steal it from Gregorovitch?
     
  12. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    Inside YOUR closet. Go check.
    Re-read this.

    Very interesting idea. Hard to incorporate Deathly Hallows lore into a fic, so I'm excited to see more.

    Dumbledore family dynamic will be hard to nail down.
     
  13. Erisah

    Erisah First Year

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    Shame this has been left to moulder- I was really enjoying it, then all of a sudden, "oh. 2 chapters. bugger."

    Ah well.
     
  14. arthurh3535

    arthurh3535 Muggle

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    It would be more interesting to actually show a more balanced (and information light) portrayal of Dumbledore, rather than 'trying to change him' per se.
     
  15. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    So I read the new chapter and :awesome is the only way I can describe it.

    Percival Dumbledore is an intense character, as is his job. My only complaint is that Harry acted a bit childish and rude in his remonstrations (run off with wife, go to hell).

    The writing itself is more precise and powerful than your other stories, a fact I've noticed before but have been at a loss to explain. I think it may simply be due to the content of the story - Dumbledore's character, family, and his family's time period demand a more exacting description.

    You show it in the way you write Percival's speeches, and carry on in your narration.

    Can't wait for more - 4.5/5 if only for the flaw I mentioned above.
     
  16. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

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    For anyone just coming into this thread. I have finally, finally updated.

    Links are as follows to the three chapters:

    PC.net FF.net Latest Chapter in Work by Author


    --​

    Thanks Amer, it was a long time coming, so I am glad you liked it. I hope to write Percival well. I want to be proud of what I do with his character. So keep me honest if I fall into any characterization pitfalls with him.

    I was in two minds about that dialog. Reason I left it in is because I wanted Harry to react in an unrefined manner. It is an effect of all that has been happening to him: martyring himself, traveling back in time through every moment he brushed with death, realization he is too far back to have his life again, suspicion of his character, and finally being imperiused (can we use this as a verb now?) by Percival. I admit, though, that it is very jarring compared to the rest.

    Funny you should say that. I was thinking of your critique of my writing on irc some time back when I wrote parts of this. The setting and type of literature from this time is very verbose and sort of crawls to the actual point of the story. I wanted to somehow capture that type of writing without totally boring myself. I expected you would criticize the wordiness, but I am glad that it worked for you in this case.

    Thanks.
    --
     
  17. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

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    I like the pace of your story, you take the time it really explain the dynamics of everything.

    Your version of the Dumbledore Household is well thought out and dynamic. There are so many potential plots that bend and twist every which way.

    Hopefully this turns out as epic as your alternate dimension Harry x HP's sister fic, yeah I know that is not the pairing but I couldn't really see any other girl.

    This has to be one of the most awesome ideas for time travel HP fics ever.
     
  18. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

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    Thanks a lot Zero. I am enjoying writing the Dumbledore family and want to make them as real as possible. Glad you liked Catharsis so much, but the mood and pace of this story will be very different from that one, I hope it will keep your interest.

    Also, did anyone see this yet?:
    :p
     
  19. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    Spectacular update. The wait was well worth it.

    When Percival spoke of bringing Harry along, I had thought it would be to Ollivander's, and the story would move into slightly more familiar waters. Yeah, not so much, still maintained the vastly creative edge.

    Seeing as how there's no magical military in canon, are you writing it from the viewpoint of Percival being the head, and his incarceration leading to the closure of the Military branch of the Ministry?
     
  20. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

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    Well, that could be considered something that was diverted since Harry interfered with the timeline. But I am also building it up to show that the Magical Military is being seen as an outdated institution around this time. Hence the empty halls, and Percival's references to his political enemies, etc. So Harry may have only postponed the inevitable. I have lots of ideas of what to do with the Military and how it will tie in with the other departments. The main angle I want to exploit is the role of this department with the muggle imperialism of the time. You saw a little hint of that too in the previous chapter.