Ninjas. Scantily-clad tree-dwelling women. Boomerangs. A farmer named Farmer. Evil warlocks. Orc-like creatures. Vengeance.

Sounds like an awesome movie, right? I mean, who could possibly screw up with such a plot consisting of these characters?

Uwe Boll.

Here's the synopsis:

Set in the kingdom of Ehb, the story follows a man called Farmer , who was adopted by his village. When Farmer's wife, Solana, and his son leave to sell vegetables at the town of Stonebridge, Farmer's farm is attacked by creatures called Krug. With the help of his friend and neighbor Norrick he travels to Stonebridge; however, the Krug kill his son and capture his wife. With the help of Norrick and Bastian, Farmer's brother-in-law, he intends to find and rescue his wife.
The Krug are being controlled by the wizard Gallian who is amassing an army to overthrow King Konreid, with the assistance of the King's nephew Fallow.

-from Wikipedia (2009)

Doesn't sound to bad, does it? Well, prepare to be amazed - in a horrible, horrible way.

The elaborate fight sequences come off as boring and repetitive, and awkward-looking. The characterization is incredibly shallow: Farmer is a farmer who wants revenge!!! after his son is killed and wife kidnapped (we never really find out why). So, he's basically a wannabe John McClane. But with a boomerang. And uber1337 fighting skillz. Again, no reason is given for a farmer to be proficient in both the Way of the Sword and the Path of the Boomerang. Showing zero emotion, he looks at his child's dead body and decides what the hell, I might as well kill the king while I'm at it.

The story is flat, clumsy and senseless, with everything from circus performers to ninjas randomly appearing and disappearing within the same scene. The haphazard editing, made by a blindfolded technician, throws continuity to the wind as it starts and ends scenes without rhythm, reason or clarity. One moment, Muriella is being chased across on horseback with a Krug in hot pursuit, and the next, she is fine and safe with nary a mention made of what happened.

Magical abilities are made up on the fly, revealing themselves only when a crisis calls for it. The acting is laughable and woeful, and awful. The special effects look like a 80s production, as do the occasional still-wet matted backdrops.

But the worst (or best, if you're looking for hilarity) is the dialogue. It is incredibly corny, combing medieval lingo with modern-day slang. For example, at the end of the movie, the writers tried to spice up an old LotR 's line. To paraphrase:

"No man's power can kill me!"

"No, a mother's!" *mother stabs him with a sword*

I admit, I laughed there.

So why write all of this? To tell you NOT to buy it, for any reason. Instear, grab a few friends, rent it, and pretend to be movie critics - it's impossibly easy with this moview, and it's an (unintentional) barrel of laughs.

 

Watched this ages ago, and the saddest thing about it is that someone sold Uwe Boll film rights. Honestly, the asshole ruins game based films. Oh yeah, and he managed to get Jason Statham in it.

 

... Farmer? Seriously? I had heard that this Uwe Boll guy was a dumbass, but this just takes the cake.

 

No, he took the cake when he called Michael Bay a shitty director and challenged him to a boxing match.

 

Why make a movie based off of Dungeon Siege? The game story is horribly generic (albeit fun), and all of the supporting characters in it die, are shopkeepers, or are meat shields to encourage solo play.

 

Michael Bay is a shitty director. Science fact.

On a related note, Uwe Boll has fucked up everything he gets his hands on. I'm amazed anyone takes him seriously.

 

Not really.

With the exception of Lord of the Rings, I can't remember a high fantasy movie that went well. It just doesn't fit the big screen.

 

The D&D movie wasn't a total flop, irc, but yeah fantasy doesn't sell and this one sounds particular bad.

...You do know I was being humorous, right?

 

Yes. If it wasn't humourous I wouldn't put it in my sig, would I?

 

...I'm not fanatical.

 

You're a nationalist.

 

Fuck both of you crackers and your semantics.

On topic: If Uwe Boll didn't make me lol so hard, he'd need to die.

 

What are you talking about? This is one of the greatest movies ever done! The intriguing dialog, the masterfully done costumes for the monsters, and the acting is top notch! boy oh boy, if somebody says Jason Statham can't act they obviously haven't seen this movie, or Crank 2 for that matter! And the name farmer, that really connects with the common man in a big way. And that big plot twist at the end, who say that comming? Nobody!

Does sarcasm translate well on the internet. I had to do it as this was the worst movie i've ever seen bar Escape from L.A.

 

It's funny how little some of the actors fit their roles: Burt Reynolds as a king? Ray Liotta as an evil mage? Oh dear...

What's even worse is that this isn't the worst film-adaption of a game. Farcry anyone? Apparently Jack Carver is german... and guess who directed it.

 

Who the hell keeps giving this guy movies? After he royally fucked up the first ten you'd think eventually studios would start to notice, "Hey everything this guy makes flops spectacularly maybe we should find someone else." At least Blizzard was smart enough to laugh in his face when he offered to make the World of Warcraft movie.