Nah, Ellisande, I get what you mean in your review. Any iffy parts I've already thought over a thousand times, so I know more than anyone how dry some parts can be and how character focus slips here and there; overall I'll always be proud of this, how could I not given the undertaking it was, but I'll never not want some things to be a bit more... more.

I think it shows in Chapter Fourteen: Integrity, which is now up on FF.net. After a while the politics plots, arguably the weakest aspect to the story, just drove themselves into dry and boring stuff. While I tried to make the point of every politics-based character arc reflect on Harry's own character or the plot at large, whether or not I succeeded is something that the readers will have to decide, while I myself am torn.

On one hand, I wanted to write them because it was something I hadn't seen before, and at the time, my main inspiration was Game of Thrones. After watching that then reading the books, I loved the idea of the interwoven families and generational conflicts, so much so that I added the Wizengamot plot based on more than twenty histories I created for every member. Conveying that in such a way that was interesting tripped me up, and after a while I just realised how out of place that kinda stuff was. Again, I pushed myself to the challenge of writing them, and I don't regret that much.

Anyways, to get back to the point Ellisande made, the characterisations aren't as focused because there's so much to keep track of where there shouldn't be. In my attempt to make every Wizengamot member pop and be memorable, I added twenty subplots that drag shit down. So this chapter I'm posting now is a bit of a catharsis, a long-ass one, but felt great from a writing perspective. I hope you all enjoy, because we don't have much left, and I'd be interested to hear a lot of hindsight comments by the end of it, because that's where I've been working from this whole time, and when y'all reach, it'll be great. Two weeks to go!

Also, on another note, I might as well float an idea I had while writing Incorruptible, and that may have sprouted from the politics holes I'd written myself into. Basically, I liked all the characters and the world I created, but felt that there were some aspects I could've explored more, some alternate plotlines I wanted to try out (Some that got excised from the original concept years back) that wouldn't have fit in the Incorruptible outline.

So basically, the idea is for an AU fic starting from one point (Think Fate/Stay Night alternate routes). The idea of the zombie apocalypse world mixed in with Dementor craziness really appeals to me due to the desperate plots and tragic character beats I can create, and I think there's story potential in AU plots. I'd take one point and change it, for reasons that would be evident in both AU fics right away. Yeah, both. I'm talking no politics, but a more focused character-based way of doing things in both of them, while still retaining the basic backbones of things. Like, you'd know the history of a certain character because it was the same in Incorruptible. Though, of course, I'd explain it, or any changes, in the AU fics to make them stand on their own a bit, but it's a neat idea that allows me to show how things could've gone had a certain event been changed.

In basics, the AU point is the end of the St Mungo's lockdown. In one fic, we see what happens when Neville dies to Harry's reaction; the changes would be instant, if you remember what happened immediately after. This one would go balls to the wall crazy right away, in interesting ways. The second fic would have Sarah survive, Neville too, and explore some aspects of rebuilding the world after the events surrounding the disclosure bill in an AU-y way; this one would also build some more on Harry and Sarah's relationship, give a real sense of why Harry would've chosen to marry her, and have them push past various events as a team. Right away you can all see how things would be different to Incorruptible, so I don't repeat a single plot while still keeping them in the same relative world.

Anyways, those two are stories I'm really looking forward to exploring, and if there's interest, that would be awesome to hear. I've already been taking in constructive criticism from this thread in consideration for them (Except, sorry Silens, but they'll never fit your definition of a "true" zombie story; I use the zombies as a backdrop for the stories being told, 'cause I think there's no doing it otherwise with how magic is involved.), and so yeah, just thought I'd get it out there.

If anyone has any questions about that, I'd be happy to field them here in between other comments on Chap Fourteen. I hope you all enjoy.

 

Yet another great chapter. It's nice to see the end of the political story line, which you finished off very nicely. Harry's speech was very good. While the politics isn't your strongest suit, it's still much better than in most other fics. I like that you have managed to give each character their own unique motivations for siding the way they do, as opposed to the usual Purebloods vs everyone else.

So is your idea basically to write a fanfic, of your own fanfic? Hmm, I'll probably read the shit out of that.

 

Cheers, Bill. As I've said before, still trying to write the politics stuff was worth trying, just to see what would happen. I would be hella interested in what another author or two could do with it, but I digress.

Chapter Fifteen: Incarceration is up on FF.net after a slight delay involving a late night and a series of unfortunate events. I like this chapter. I mean, it's nothing huge or special or mind-boggling - well, it could be depending on your views - but it's a capable little bridge and hits the emotional notes I wanted it to. But in the end it's a precursor to my super huge and epic fun final chapter, which should be a treat for all those who have waded through the mire of politics and the like in the rest of the story. Anyways, hope you all enjoy Chap 15. Leave a comment or something if you'd like, though if you're saving final comments for the end of the story next week, that's cool too. Looking forward to it.

 

You magnificent bastard.

Ron is such a minor character in this story and you still made me care about him. I was genuinely touched when he said how he already planned for the others to use his (un)death.

This whole situation just reflects Harry's position so well: He is so caught up in this overwhelming mess of political maneuvering, hidden agendas and allegiances, dementor armies and normal people desperately trying to survive, that he couldn't even take care of his best friend after he went through a traumatic experience. And now that friend is dying, actually moderately happy about it, and Harry can't do anything to change that.

All of this feels like a lead up to one epic showdown, but with most of his major enemies and adversaries out of the picture I couldn't even begin to guess how this story is going to end. Additionally I do believe that there's something big that we (as in the readers and Harry) don't know about yet.

And why do I get the feeling that this minor anecdote about Astoria, Daphne and Nott was really, really important?

This story gives me the same impression as Breach, it just feels so carefully and meticulously planned out, crafted and executed.

Great chapter.

 

FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!

Goddamn cliffhanger. But yeah, another great chapter. Agree with everything Trig said.

 

Oh god damn it. I just knew Juliet was going to be the one. I just fucking knew it.

If you never post another chapter, this will still get 5/5 from me.

 

This fic is simply remarkable. What a brilliant story you've put together here, Matt. I can hardly wait for the epic conclusion.

Also, fuck Juliet.

5/5

 

I think Terry would have liked you (til he got fucked over by Juliet).

 

Ooh, burrrrrn Kai. You go guy. Also, thanks for the comments Trig, Bill, Aek and JC McGee.

Okay, so this is it. No more whoring out my chapters. I've been sitting on this one for over five months. Decided to release it early-like. With Chapter Sixteen: Incident, the story of Incorruptible comes to a close, and, while I do a bit of rambling on how fun the ride's been in the chapter itself, let me do some more here! Hell of a ride, ups and downs, had a blast, enjoyed the comments and discussion and the thumbs up/stars et cetera. Having a story in DLP's library is a forever awesome experience, so woot me! And woot all of you, too. You crazy guys have, while not exactly pushing the actual writing of this because it was all complete and stuff, definitely encouraged future writings. Especially the Incorruptible AUs; no politics guys, promise. More character/apocalyptic focus.

So yeah, in keeping with that, if you all have some cool little ideas or something that you'd like to see, I'd like to hear about it. Who was your favourite character? I may already have plans of getting them fleshed out a bit already. Your favourite plot point/dramatic reveal? I don't intend to repeat myself in the AUs - and from what I've got so far, definitely not - but what impacts people the most on a visceral level would be cool to hear, and definitely would influence future writing. Feedback is always appreciated!

So thanks to all of you for reading, and I really hope you enjoy Chapter Sixteen. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. I'm open to comments or questions from everyone, and while you could spoiler tag, it's fine either way. I'll always be here to reply, and on IRC most of the time. And maybe sometime soon I'll post in here a teaser of Ashes. It will be bloody. And fun!


EDIT: And if a mod could change the title from "WIP" to "Complete", that would be really appreciated, thanks.

 

Okay, final impressions...

There are moments of absolute brilliance in this fic. The conversation between Harry and Fortess in the last chapter. The first part of the Hunt flashback. Any scene where Malfoy and Harry are talking. Any scene where Nott and Harry are talking. The realization of the broader, overall symbolic meanings that ring all the more poignant - and also, those that make this fic less of a traditional zombie story and one more analogous to the broader themes of Prisoner of Azkaban. Instead of overcoming fear, this is a story about dealing with despair. Between the Dementors, the doomed romance with Astoria, and the general grim atmosphere of the fic, everything culminates around how we, as humans, attempt to deal with despair and loss. Even the political scenes say things on a broader level about this theme, as it discusses what we might do if we have the opportunity to alleviate another's pain versus protecting ourselves. There are great messages conveyed throughout this story, and it was really refreshing to see them.

So yeah, on a thematic level, this story earns its spot in the Library without question. On an execution level...

Okay, if I'm going to be completely honest, I found the final climax a little underwhelming. It was hard, because I know you were going for a sense of Harry's panic and confusion, and perhaps it was your usage of the first-person perspective, but I had a hard time following the route up to the town hall and the following escape. I mean, it was well-written, but a little unclear.

Also, maybe it's because there wasn't that time to reflect, but Ron's death lacked a bit of weight. Believe me, you wrote him brilliantly, but I think those scenes were missing a certain something that would give them perfect emotional resonance. Once again, I think this is more of a problem with the first-person perspective, but I don't know.

Overall, the story... it's a great fic, I'm not doubting that, and there are moments of absolute greatness that overshadow even the bad stuff. The atmosphere is great, the dialogue (with one exception, which I'll get to) is well-written, the action for the most part is very solid, and the plotting was intricate and engaging. Massive props, across the board.

If anything, I think there are two main weaknesses to this story. First is the usage of 1st person narrative. Granted, I get what you're trying to do with this, and I wouldn't complain as much about this if it wasn't for the fact that I don't think it gave all that much to the story. Harry's thoughts and musings were fine interjections, but you convey so much of that through dialogue anyway that it would been fine through 3rd person. Granted, I know you did it to try and build connections to characters and get us to empathize with Harry - and for the most part, it works - but I wish there was a little more for a reader to latch onto.

And this leads back to the second and bigger problem of this story - the romances with Astoria and Sarah just don't work as well as they should. There's a certain lack of chemistry with Astoria that I know was probably intentional, given it was an affair and their history and all that, but it really didn't make me care all that much about the character, certainly not as much as Harry did. And maybe it was the fact that Harry's already lost so many people, but her passing seemed to lack weight with Harry in a way that perplexed me. There wasn't that time for Harry to brood or reflect on their relationship that would have added some great depth.

Finally, the relationship with Sarah - and I'm really sorry for saying this, Matt, but it didn't resonate with me at all. Maybe it was because we only got glimpses of Sarah until the flashbacks, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that's not it. No, the more I think about it, it's not that we don't see much of her, but that she doesn't really have much of a character of her own. She comes across almost as a plot device, to push Harry towards a certain point with another tragedy that really only adds another name and a different type of burden to the one Harry already carries with Hermione, Luna, etc.

Let me draw an analogy to Wastelands of Time - and yes, you're a good enough author, I can do this. There was only one brief sequence in that story with Tessa, and before that, she was hardly mentioned, but it was profoundly powerful because she was a fully-realized character and you could tell exactly how much Harry's lives had been shaped by her.

Now, I compare that to the flashback with Hunt when the infection first started. Now granted, that's a busy flashback and it's giving a lot of exposition and details about how everything went to hell, but it's also a good glimpse at the relationship between Sarah and Harry - and there's not enough there. I think the biggest problem is that Sarah's barely a character and not very memorable. Harry keeps talking about how meaningful she was to him, but after the flashback, I hardly know this girl. Sure, Harry loved her, but why? There just didn't seem to be enough there for me to latch onto, if that makes any sense.

But if I'm completely honest, none of those complaints hold up to the fact that this is a fantastic story that is both memorable and striking in its own way. Bravo, Matt, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with the omakes.

PS. I reviewed your completed project, you review mine.

 

I've said several times in this thread that I absolutely love this fic, and I think I'll say it again. I absolutely fucking love this fic.

Honestly, I don't think that the ending was as good as it could have been. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great, I just think that it could have been better. At times it seemed like you were trying to make up for a lack of zombie based action in the rest of the story by cramming as much as you can into the last chapter. As much as everyone likes to see some wizards cut loose and blow shit up it just felt a bit forced at times.

That said, it still contained some of my favourite scenes. The parts with Ron were brilliant as were the parts with Ellie. In fact all the character interactions were fantastic, it was just the action that I had a problem with. The epilogue was very well done, you managed to convey a sense of completion while still showing that things weren't all perfect.

All in all this has to be my favourite fic of all time. I can't wait for the AUs. Well done on writing a truly brilliant story.

 

This is probably one of my favorite stories in the fandom, and I've religiously followed it since chap. 12. The ending left you on an uncertain note, and I think it fit the overall theme nicely. I'll let it be known: I was shipping ellie since I first read her introduction.

I look forward to reading the AUs, Warmth in practicular. Cant wait to fail my finals when they come out.

 

I've just finished reading this fic. Please excuse the lack of depth in my review, As im writing this on a phone due to the fact that I have no Internet. I also read the last 3 chapters at the same time.

Firstly, let me start off by saying that Silens covered nearly all of my thoughts far better than I ever could of. Overall, I thought that this was a fantastic story, but it had some very clear issues which took it down from a 5/5 to a 4/5. As I mentioned before, characterization, unlike Silens, I thought it was weak, perhaps the weakest part of the story in fact. The only moments that actually made me feel was Astoria's death, the realization that Ron was going to die, and pretty much any scene involving Hunt. Hunt was my favorite character in here by far. I covered this pretty well in my last review though, and I don't have that much more to add to it.

The next problem I found is that there is stil no hook really. Between chapters or in general, there's never that sense of 'I can't put this down, I must know what happens next'. I think this relates to characterization for me though.

Again, this is just what I felt to be the weakest points. As Silens mentioned, the thematic message of the fic was incredible. As was the plot. Everything was cleary and logically thought out, major plot points were never obvious in coming. It's not something that I'll reread anytime soon, but it's also something that I'll never regret reading.

My last point is, that I. Don't think your next projects should be AU to this story, I'd love to see something new out of you. You seem to have that incredibly rare ability to completely plan a fic out before you write it, and I think youd be better off as a writer by doing something completely new, and focusing on improving the few problems you have.

Either way, regardless of what you choose to do next, I cannot wait to read it.

Again, this was written on a phone, do apologies for any retarded typing.

 

If I rewrite Juliet's death to go on for 200k words involving her being tortured in every conceivable way before she dies then going through the nine circles of Dante's hell afterwards, that gets me five stars, right? RIGHT?

(But thank you muchly for reviewly, Sescly. You survived your distaste of zombies for me. Just for that I won't tell the cops about that dead hooker in Amsterdam. Wooooo.)