Title: Infliction
Author: The Straight Elf
Rating: T
Genre: Adventure/Family
Status: Complete
Library Category: Dark! Harry
Pairings: None
Summary: Harry was abandoned at Cole's Orphanage at the age of five. Harry was retrieved from it by a dark pair at age eight. Harry killed his first auror at age twelve. Harry rose to dominance at age fifteen. The story of Harry Potter's rise and fall. Remorseless!Harry.
Link: FanFiction.Net

I know posting a story for review is likely to raise some eyebrows, especially considering how new of a member I am, but this story deserves to be reviewed. I just found it a few days ago while browsing stories with Harry and Bellatrix as the main characters.

The author did a crap job with the summary, and I definitely wouldn't classify the genre as Adventure/Family. Also, it really should be rated M, especially for some explicit gore in the earlier chapters. Basically, the author starts off with the well-worn cliche of Harry going to Cole's orphanage, and yes, he does have a pet snake initially. However, the story evolves into a training fic, which in turn morphs to something like a super!Harry fic, which finally ends as a mentally unstable dark!Harry fic. Admittedly, the cliches were numerous, but the author has a very novel approach to most of them. I particularly loved the author's Bellatrix and Gabrielle. It's dark, gritty, and the unrealistic parts are explained and developed enough that I'm able to suspend my disbelief most of the time.

There are two major negatives to the story that I can find, the first being an unreasonably high body count, and the second being the total absence of Voldemort. These, more than the cliches, were what knocked it down from a 5 to a 4 for me.

That being said, the ending of the story is truly superb, as is Harry progression/regression in regards to his mental state. The author doesn't try to sugarcoat the dark arts, and the death eaters are NOT nice people. I found myself routing against the supposed 'protagonist,' which I assume is what the author was going for.

In summation, a definite 4/5.

 

Are you serious?

Look:

When the summary reads as if a 4th grader wrote it the story is most likely shit.

Will edit after checking the first chapters.

EDIT: Well, I was correct. Here two outtakes:

A third of the way into the first chapter:

In addition, the narration is full of inconsistencies, terrible cliches (sadistically!smirking!Harry, "hard green eyes" etc.) and utter confusion.

Conclusion: Either the OP is the author him/herself or he/she has terrible taste in fanfics.

1/5

 

If anything, the summary is a little too high quality for the story.

 

Harry was beatin by Durzley, sent to oprhanage. Taken by superdark wizards Harry kills orors age twelve. Harry dominantes stupid wizards at 15. HARRY Rize and Fall! DARKINDY!Harry. BASHING, MPREG, SlASH.

More like it?

ONTOPIC:

Serious case of verbal diarrhea. The author can't use one word where they could use five. It makes reading it a chore, especially when the splurge of words don't add anything new or are just repeating the point, ad infinitum.


2/5, if only for the occasional, "Oh hey, this could be a good story."

 

Yes, yes, I know the snake was bad, and ultimately unnecessary to the plot, it's why I included it in my review. If I underplayed it's awfulness, then I apologize.

I personally did not find the first chapter so atrocious that I couldn't continue with the story, although it is by far the worst chapter. Actually, the first chapter reads like another person wrote it, because after that there's not one mention of cliche smirks or emerald eyes to be found. The second and third chapter are sort of blah if training segments bore you, but it really picks up in the fourth chapter. I guess you could argue that having such an awful first chapter ruins the story, but if you feel like spending more time then I would recommend that you at least read it until the end of the fourth.
I'm glad I kept reading because it was a very enjoyable read, and I now consider it one of my favorite fics because it gets so exponentially better.

And no, I'm not the author. I'd certainly admit it if I was, because the story is something to be proud of excluding chapter 1.

---------- Post automerged at 05:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:49 PM ----------

If you're going to make fun of the story, at least be accurate about it. Harry was never beaten, there's no bashing, and the only quasi-pairing you get is Harry/Gabrielle. And I think we can all agree that unlike *some* characters, Gabrielle does not have a dick.

 

I admit, the fic does get better after chapter one. However, that first chapter is rather terrible, and I was going to drop the fic, before curiosity got the better of me, wanting me to see Harry's "fall". The start of chapter two isn't exactly amazing, either - Harry slinging around advanced magic, killing Aurors, wandless magic, Occlumency master, all at the age of eleven is usually an indicative of a fail story.

The stuff in the middle was bleh. Super!Mercenary!Harry, which them becomes a cheap and pathetic Dark Lord-esque Harry. As is common with bad Dark Lord Harry stories, he's rather pathetic, unmotivated, and his "fall" is because of some woman he couldn't bring himself to kill out of some remaining human feelings. The author tries to emphasize that Harry doesn't feel anything after every kill, and Harry is stupid enough in the end not to recognize what tears falling from his eyes mean.

It could have been better, but the beginning, and Harry after his major descent into darkness, were both very displeasing. 2.5/5.