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Inside My Mind By sistersgrimmlover - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Sowilo, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. Sowilo

    Sowilo First Year

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    Location:
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    Title: Inside My Mind
    Author: sistersgrimmlover
    Rating: M
    Genre: Romance/Drama
    Status: Complete
    Library Category: Romance
    Pairings: Fem!Harry/Tom Riddle, Draco/Luna, Blaise/Hermione, Neville/Daphne, Remus/Tonks, Sirius/OC, Theodore/OC, Astoria/OC
    Summary: It started with a wand. A wand with a brother. And this brother wand, a girl shall wield. And with this girl came War. And with War, came her lover, Plague. Plague lead to his brother Death. And it all ended in Victory.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6661694/1/Inside_My_Mind

    Edit: Okay, since I was stupid enough to make an ass out of myself first shot, I'm actually going to seriously judge this story how I actually see it instead of typing a fucking glowing review like the first time.

    The writing at the beginning sucks ass. Period. Thankfully, it gets better as the story progresses, and the glaring mistakes that the author makes becomes less glaring as time goes on. The romance in quite a few areas is rather cheesy. The Goblins are nice. In the end, Tom was not the sadistic fucker we all know and hate and I really could have lived without the... fluff and Phantom of the Opera allusions and... ugh, why did she have to get all musical? People told her to stop, but she never listened. :facepalm

    I like the potential this has though. I've never seen The Four Horsemen in really any type of story, fanfictions and published novels alike, so the concept the author was trying to achieve was rather original. For a guilty pleasure read it was pretty damn enjoyable, but as a serious read there's no way this would make it into DLP, and let it be noted that sleep-deprived and uncharacteristically stupid does not mix at all on DLP.

    In the hands of a much more experienced and mature writer, this thing would be fantastic. Fan-girl the author may be, she obviously put a lot of thought in the making in the Horsemen, and this could have been a hell of a lot better if she actually knew what she wanted to do with it (and worked on her writing instead of looking for "the perfect pictures" :fire). But since it wasn't, feel free to scrap this. Or go over there and give her some much-needed constructive criticism, because people are too retarded over on ff.net to do it themselves.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2012
  2. Zennith

    Zennith Pebble Wrestler ~ Prestige ~

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    Trolololol
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2012
  3. GrandHighPoobah

    GrandHighPoobah Third Year

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    Voldemort serenades "Bella" with the guitar.

    Do not want.
     
  4. Innomine

    Innomine Minister of Magic ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I just... I have no words...

    Actually, I then decided to check out her profile. I wanted to quote more of it here, but there's just so much of it that's horrifying.

    This is a taste.

    She has a playlist for 5th, 6th and 7th year up there.

    http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2095855/sistersgrimmlover

    That's her profile, it's worth checking out just to boggle at it.
     
  5. Gila

    Gila Second Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Let's see what makes me think this story is going to suck after reading the first chapter. These shouldn't be much of a spoiler if you spend more than 10 minutes reading, which you really shouldn't.

    This story supposedly has:
    -Fem!Harry/Tom Riddle pairing which seems pretty freaky considering at the start she is 11 and he is... older
    -Grindewald is the one killing the Potters and as far as I know he is not parseltongue, but yet Bella mysteriously has this ability which may possibly be explained by the following
    -Heir to all kind of houses including magical heir to Slytherin (whatever that means)
    -Sirius blood adopts (whatever that means) Bella at the urging of Tom while Dumbledore supposedly would be totally against it
    -Sould bonds (mysterious)
    -Several characters behaving in a way that seems very strange including Bella supposedly remembering stuff that happens when she was a baby, that totally happens
    -Lord and Lady Slytherin

    None of this seems cool to me and I couldn't continue reading.
    1/5
     
  6. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    Maybe we actually need that introduction forum back... If only so we have a chance to filter out the undesirables.
     
  7. Innomine

    Innomine Minister of Magic ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    This kind of shit still happened back when we had it.
     
  8. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    :facepalm WHo did she rename Edward [Cullen]?

    These words, you keep using them. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.


    Really? Cause I cannot, for the life of me, think up any reason as to why anyone would want to post it.


    I believe we've a rules sticky regarding one word posts and the like. :| At least be creative. Lessons must be learned. D:
     
  9. Tibbers

    Tibbers Squib

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    Nov 15, 2011
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    Well to be honest I've never seen a draco/luna before, but I can't actually bring myself to read any of this to figure out how the author managed it.
     
  10. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    She didn't.
     
  11. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    The person can't write, is the problem. With AUs especially, you need a strong frame, an environment that feels real. Substitute Voldemort for Grindelwald and you have the exact same poorly-described, vanilla Godric's Hollow attack scene that's already been written hundreds of times.
     
  12. thebrute7

    thebrute7 High Inquisitor

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    There is 800,000 words of this shit? My god, what the hell were you thinking recommending this to DLP? What possible reason could you have for thinking that this would appeal to anyone here?
     
  13. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Oh, wow.

    Every once in a while I check out the handfull of epically long fics - but this I haven't seen before. Thank God.

    Even if you ignore the pairing, scenes like this:

    are enough to get it down to one star.

    And this:
    makes me want to delete this thread at once.
     
  14. thejabber27

    thejabber27 Seventh Year

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    Out of the fairness I have, I read a chapter before condemning this.... I really wish I hadn't. While Grindewald was beaten by Dumbledore in cannon, which made him famous.

    I can accept that Dumbledore might also not kill him in an AU. What I cannot accept is that the wizarding world let a Dark lord run around free on a rampage for at least 40 years. Even the bureaucracy of the magical government and ICW would have approved their nuclear option by then to stop him.

    Also how is a 14 month old imitating a language she just heard for the first time? And how did she become a parseltongue when Grindewald didn't have that ability? Unless it's a non genetic talent like in Knowledge is Power, it doesn't work.

    Besides those complaint's the rest of it is the standard head banging affair I've come to expect from fem!Harry stories. 1/5
     
  15. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    I knew this story was going to be shit once I read;
    It's not the Fem!Harry/Tom Riddle that gave it away (well, it was clue), but it's the fact that eight pairings were listed.
    I was not disappointed. Giving this story a 1/5 would be generous. It would be better if stories like this were purged from the internet so it could never be read or have ratings at all.
     
  16. Stormey

    Stormey Groundskeeper

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    Without reading the fic, I just wanna say that the horseman are old stuff. X-Men Evolution has it. Supernatural has it. And I have seen others with it that I cant really recall the names of right now.
     
  17. Castiel

    Castiel Headmaster

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    What is magical heir?
     
  18. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Prestigious Tomato ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Well Castiel, a magical heir is when magic decides that you get a fancy new title because you defeated the previous holder of the title as a baby through the method of Avada Ke-doink. :sherlock:
     
  19. Verminard

    Verminard Seventh Year

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    I'd like to see gravity or thermodynamics awarding titles every once and a while for a change of pace.
     
  20. Iztiak

    Iztiak Prisoner

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    Oh god. Ahahahaha.

    I had to try to read it, but honestly I couldn't. I can't rate a story if I cannot get through the first chapter.
     
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