Alright, here's the deal. I've attempted four fics so far in my life, and none of them worked. I'm sick of it. I have a really good idea that I've been sitting on, and I have a prologue and a single chapter on FF.net. It's called Blood Hunger Doctrine. The idea came from seeing all these crap-ass vampire stories where Harry gets adopted into a secret vampire clan and becomes an assassin and blah, blah, blah. I'm taking a different approach, one were vampirism is a curse to be dealt with, rather than a blessing to be exploited. It starts off with a little Petunia redemption, which I will almost certainly change, but I needed a way to introduce Harry's condition, so there it is.

Anyway, somehow (haven't figured out how) Remus finds out about it, even though Harry hides it out of shame. Remus does something unexpected by inviting Harry to join an 'order' (for lack of a better term) that is so secret even Dumbledore doesn't know about it. This 'order' is made up entirely of the minorities of the magical world: vampires, werewolves, free-elves, etc. Beyond that...I have no idea. I'm lost, and I'm man enough to admit it. I need help. Where should I take this? How do I develop the plot? Most importantly, how does it fucking end?!

 

Not really that bad, I like quite a few parts of it. The redemption Petunia is livable, and while not the best solution is much better then using all those other common things. (Lilly, writing a letter which doesn't get to him tell he is 16, Finding out through Gringotts who knows, just doesn't like anyone enough to tell)

I applaud your efforts on making a story where Vamps are not overpowered, and hope to see you succeed with this task.

I have one question 'bout Harry being a "living-Vampire" though. As Vampires usually stand for the "un-dead" and generally don't reproduce sexually, how did Harry come into being? Or are you saving that for later?

If you have any questions, or need help with ideas, don't hesitate to ask. Or check this thread I started a long while back on Vampires it has some great ideas. (I keep some in heart when I get around to using the idea though....)

The Remus thing finding out. Not a bad idea, although the idea of him finding out could be a bit of a problem. His sense of smell for being a Werewolf is way to common and cliché I would highly recommend not using that as a way he finds out. However he following Harry when Harry tries to sneak out while he is on guard duty, and witnessing a feeding....could have merit.

Secret Order: you are treading on dangerous territory here, you must be careful not to make the entire 'order' not overpowered. Otherwise, it will throw the entire story off, and make Harry walking over Voldemort a cakewalk.

How to take this: I would personally take this slowly, and make it seem realistic. Make Harry first try to fight the effects that his body changing. (I am assuming he is going to have some levels of change and urges) Such as fighting off the instincts as long as he can, and then slowly giving in; first in feeding after realizing that starving is getting him nowhere. We must also be careful here; Harry shows in the books that he is not fond of people being hurt, so we must not make it seem instant that Harry enjoys pain. (Keep that in mind) Make his changes slow and subtle, until we get later on and Harry accepts what he is, and the changes that it has.

However, I do need more information, is this post OotP? Or what time are we at? Once we got more info and a base idea what we want to happen, finding the ending shouldn't be too hard. However, if you can think of a good one you might want to keep it to yourself or a few people at most. (Don't wanna ruin it all by having everyone know what the ending is going to be already, takes the shock away)

-Void

 

Thanks for such a fast reply, Void. Let's see if I can answer all your points...

1-The whole thing about a living vampire. That's exactly what the great mystery is. Neither James nor Lily were anything but human. He was just spontaneously afflicted with the disease before birth. (Thought I just had: maybe Lily was hurt by this during pregnancy and was dieing, and therefore not adverse to sacrificing herself...maybe I'll run with it.) Harry is the first of his kind. Here's the tricky thing: is he like Blade, with all the strengths of a vampire and none of the weaknesses? Or is he the opposite?

2-I agree with your points on Remus' abilities. It falls under the same idea about vampires being too powerful. Lycanthropy is a disease, not a power. I can see him maybe being slightly stronger, if only due to the fact that he gets a hell of a workout once a month...

3-Ah yes, the 'secret order.' Honestly, I'm not too sure if I'll even include it; I might just have Remus help Harry through things. I've read some good stuff about Harry becoming an Unspeakable (Summer of Change is a real good one) but the fact is that people have heard of the Unspeakables. If I find it necessary for Harry to find a new group of people to chill with that are like him, I'm going to go all out with it.

This brings up another idea: how will Ron and Hermione react? I already know that Ginny is going to accept him, but she'll be really turned off about it. I don't like her, but she's not that shallow. Hermione will probably end up doing all kinds of research, the typical, and she'll either accept him or be scared. Ron will be much the same, 'cept he'll either be even more accepting, with the blind faith that only a follower can possess, or he'll turn into a real dickwipe about it.

4-Yes, Harry fighting the changes is going to be the basis of this whole thing. I'm not sure how long I'll make him take to accept himself; maybe it will take the acceptance of his friends first. Maybe he'll finally succumb in the fight against He-With-Multiple-Words-In-His-Name. Maybe he won't at all...

5-This is going to be at least PostOOtP, possibly PostHBP, but I'm not sure I feel like dealing with the scavenger hunt to end all scavenger hunts AND Harry's 'bloody little problem' (hey, I'm gonna use that in the story!).

Again, thanks for the feedback. Maybe I won't give up on this thing after all!

 

Now it is time for me to address all of yours! (Shouts in joy)

1. Interesting and exciting, I do so enjoy a good mystery. I do believe that the idea of Harry getting while he is still inside Lily's womb is a good idea. While I am not sure exactly what I would do, I will come up with something if you need a few ideas. You could easily make it happen on one of the three times that Lily/James escape from Voldemort. After all, while it says that they 'defied' him three times, it doesn't say when or how. Perhaps make her cursed/jinxed/poisoned/etc one time, live and not know what the consequences are. Then few months lata....boom! Baby!Harry = Vampire

2. Indeed it is a disease, but this does not mean he wouldn't be able to help Harry. Remus finding out is a good idea, it doesn't happen that often in FanFiction, and is even rarer when he doesn't go blab to Dumbledore.

3. I'm not too good with the secret order things, I would get someone more talented then I to help you there. But perhaps, Remus talks/takes Harry to a friend, who knows a friend, who knows a friend. Who has a daughter, and well Harry gets lucky. And she helps him to slowly accept what he is. (And I mean very slowly)

How his friends will react. These are just my thoughts on how they would act; don't take em wrongly if you think they suck. (The probably do)

Ron: A raciest little bigot that will first abandon Harry, and attempt to prove to the rest of the world (his family) that Harry is dark, betrayed them and should be put down. Will eventually see the error of his ways, blah blah blah. (Would be better to just kill him in a raid by Death Eaters though, much funer.)

Hermione: While not agreeing with the way Harry is, or the things he must now do as a Vampire, will stay by his side in the shadows. Researching in an attempt to discover anything she can do to return him to normal.

Ginny: She owes Harry a life debt and it pisses me off when authors forget this. She owes Harry more then she probably will ever repay, thus it is not likely that she is going to abandon Harry. While she might slip into the crowd slightly, this does not mean that she isn't going to be in his presence as often as she can. And while not agreeing with his actions now, will not give up on him, and will not turn into a freaken prat that Ron will. (She will probably be one of the strongest members in her family to speak up for Harry, if not the strongest)

Dumbledore: Acts like Dumbledore.

The Order: Mixed emotions. Some refusing to work with a 'Dark Creature' others completely hate him. Moody of course becomes more paranoid. (This is of course if the book is after OotP and once they find out after his return to school)

4. Good, Harry must come to his understanding/willingness to be what he is slowly. While not growing up in the wizarding world with all it's biased, he has spent the greater part of 5-6 years in it, and living with the Weasly will help to start some Bias. While not being the most stuck up of snobs, he will have heard that Vamps/Ghouls/etc are evil and will not to become what he is. He will fight tooth and nail to not become one. (Perhaps meet a gal that helps him. Mentioned above.)

5. This would probably work better after OotP as Dumbledore would still be alive, and this would give him more time. Dumbledore can hold off Voldemort for awhile (Voldemort is not a push over, he is a feared Dark Lord, make him that way. Death Eaters are not wimps either.) He won't be holding his ground forever, and will slowly start to loose it. Meanwhile, Harry is dealing with his own issues and training to become some sort of help in the war.

The Ministry may be dumb, but it is not stupid, make them doing something.

'bloody little problem' ROFLMAO Nice, do throw that in there.

I live to serve.

Give up on it, and I will hunt you like a bitch on 'Roids'

 

I started thinking (hey, it took awhile, but I did it) about this whole thing and realize that, while it has potential, it needs some serious changes. I started rethinking the beginning, and just kept going. I now have almost an entirely new story with the same idea in the works. Here are my notes on it thus far, just a quick synopsis that I will develop on. Tell me what you all think.

Harry begins having 'flashes' of bloodlust, beginning minor and brief but getting progressively worse

At the same time, he loses the will to eat or drink

At HQ, he almost attacks Hedwig, barely regaining control of himself in time

He sends Hedwig to Ron at the Burrow with a letter telling him to keep her safe

Hermione arrives at HQ and walks in on Harry writhing on his bed, losing control

Harry sees her and, being out of his mind, physically attacks his best friend

She defends herself valiantly, sobbing the whole time, but can't hold out for long

Dumbledore finally intervenes, stunning and binding him and sending him to Hogwarts

Harry hears bits of conversation in his semi-conscious state

Pomfrey is telling Dumbledore the results of her tests and that Harry is somehow a vampire

Dumbledore decides to confine Harry without telling him, believing him to be inherently dark

Harry finally wakes up after being dosed with a quart of goat's blood, which is known to be a very poor substitute

He is locked in the master bedroom at HQ, and Dumbledore walks in after a couple hours, finding him awake

Dumbledore explains to Harry what happened to him, but Harry can tell he's keeping something

Dumbledore skirts the issue when Harry asks why the door is locked, and when he can see his friends.

Hermione eventually sneaks into Harry's room, asking when his illness will pass

Apparently, she was told a different story than he was, and Harry tells her as much of the truth as he himself knows

Harry then realizes that he attacked her and begs her to leave and never come near him again, but she refuses

...and we'll see what happens from there!

 

Part of me loves your layout, and part of me doesn't. What you're doing is keeping him in-line with Dumbledore's crowd, which is good, and then not good. On one hand, he stays with the same people. On the opposite, that can lead to the dangerous downward spiral of an Syncophant!Harry. I'll throw in my own contribution.

Harry begins experiencing nightmarish visions that show him turning into a total monster, killing, drinking, the like.

He loses the human digestive functions.

He locks himself into a state of total isolation, falling into a half-trance, half-nightmare of a shadowy figure preying upon the populace.

When he wakes, there is an uncontrollable desire to feed. He is unable to fight it.

When he regains control of his mind, he has drained an entire unfortunate muggle family.

Disgusted yet fascinated with what he sees, he flees into the cold night.

Rather than returning to Dumbledore, Harry attempts to coexist with the cattle that humans have become.

After another loss of control resulting in the killing of several, he locks himslef in a tomb, eventually collapsing in exhaustion.

When he wakes, he notices a rotted journal, which details the deceased life as a vampire, and mentions a possible cure.

Harry, empowered by pure desperation, sets out to locate the mysterious cure spoken of by the fallen, and the answer as to why he became what he is.

Just a possibility which you may or may not like.

Edit: Rereading this, I kind of sound like a giant plot-jacking jerkoff, so let me just say this is a way to take it in a more Independent!Harry direction, and gives it a end goal.

 

It's an interesting idea but your way of introducing the problem is slightly cliche and falls short of the dramatic 'BOO!' I think you're looking for.

IMO, M1ndless' version works better than how you would have introduced it. I recommend taking a few of his ideas into deep consideration.

 

M1ndless, you've really got me thinking. I like about the first quarter of how you put it, except I think I'll have him wake up back at home but covered in blood, maybe start seeing weird things in the news. He goes into denial, saying it can't be him, and then he attacks Hedwig like I originally thought.

However, I don't think it would really go with the story if he were to just set off on his own. He's in bad shape and needs help; by leaving, he'll get killed. Admittedly, that sounds like something he'd do, but a dead Harry Potter makes for a not-so-great Harry Potter fic. Possibly, he runs but is found again, and his friends talk some sense into him...I don't know. I'll work with it.

I also really like your idea of finding that journal and trying to find a cure for himself, but I doubt I can fit it into this story...maybe a sequel? Now, I'm getting ahead of myself!

Also, swimdraconian, I know what you mean. The introduction to this is probably going to be the hardest part and will probably be completely rewritten several times before I'm satisfied. I appreciate the input.

 

You could take it the independant way M1ndless described, with the journal being planted there while he's semi-concious. Maybe have him lapse into lucidity occasionally, just enough to see but not enough to fully comprehend what's there. When that happens he sees a dark figure standing over him with something that smells so delicious he takes a bite out of it witohut thinking. Once he's drained the person/animal the figure drops the journal next to him an leaves.

Have the figure maybe be a 'Guardian Angel' of sorts, not revealing his/her identity but keeping him safe; incapacitating threats from the shadows while Harry walks around clueless. Keeps him similar to canon Harry, though I guess you're not aiming for that .

Anyway, just a random thought I had. Hope you find it useful.

Aekiel

 

Yeah, I kind of felt "enh" about the journal covieniently being there too. It could just be Aekiel's Guardian Angel leading him to it, while Harry gets steadily more pissed off by being led by the nose.

 

Perhaps, he hears some vampire hunters talking about the cure and he doesn't realize that they are talking about killing them. Maybe Harry hears them in a bar and he doesn't know that they are really talking about their job.

 

Wow, I gotta hand it to the lot of you. When I made this thread, I was certain it would either be ignored or laughed at, but you all really came through. I've got so many ideas in my head now. Thanks for all the input; this might actually be a good fic now (unlike the trainwrecks I usually turn out )!

 

Hey, all. Spring break is coming up this week, and I plan to spend it cracking down on this thing and churning out some material, so expect at least one update, most likely two (a rewrite of the prologue/first chapter and another chapter). Here's the link again to the story on FF.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3125599/1/. Thanks again to all of you for your help.

 

Where are you taking it? Which ideas are you incorporating and which are you throwing out?

 

I'm still not a hundred percent sure how the whole thing will go, but I'm at least going to start it with a cross between both our ideas. I don't want Harry to become completely estranged, but he is going to be at least semi-independent. I also don't want Dumbledore to come across as a complete ass, although he won't be a saint. Like I said before, I like your journal idea, but it's too much too include in this story, and it would distract from the idea of killing Voldemort. However, like Cataclysmic said, I'll have him actively search for it. I'm going to try hard to not throw Harry one single bone.

I'm not sure if I'll do a pairing. If I do, it will most likely be Harry/Hermione or Harry/OC. Yes, I'm well aware of all the gripes against HHr pairings, and I think that knowing what not to do with this pairing (i.e. having Harry be the bitch of the relationship) will help me do it right. If not, I can fall back on creating an OC to fill the post or just not doing it, period. We'll see how it writes itself.

 

Why not just no pairings at all. They will only get in the way of the plot....unless it's part of the plot.

 

That's the thing: it might actually be central to the plot, if i develops to that point. The idea is that Harry needs help to get through this huge trial; whether friendly support turns to something more remains to be seen. I honestly don't know just yet.