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WIP Just Another Orphan by ValwithV - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Odran, Aug 11, 2015.

  1. Odran

    Odran Prisoner

    Aug 12, 2013
    Title: Just Another Orphan
    Author: ValwithV
    Rating: T
    Chapters: 10
    Words: 50,530
    Updated: Aug 10, 2015
    Published: Jul 6, 2014
    Status: Work in Progress

    Neville is the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter just another orphan. Without the scar on his forehead Harry is free to choose his own path. His Slytherin sorting is only the first surprise to his parents' old friends. Darkish themes. Dark!Harry. Rating could go up to M later.

    Link: "Just Another Orphan"

    Huh, forgot about "Just Another Orphan" until earlier today when I received an email about a new chapter.

    In the AN for it he says the following:

    So I'm gonna give this a reread to remind myself what this was even about.

    Edit by Minion, October 3, 2015
    Moved out of the Almost Recced Thread.
    To be moved out of For Review October 24.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 3, 2015
  2. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

    Nov 11, 2007
    It was really good IIRC, wasn't sure if it was in the library actually. I'll probably wait to see if it actually it updates again though before committing to rereading the last 2 chapters as well as the new one, but I'm really pleased it isn't abandoned.
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2015
  3. BTT

    BTT Minister of Magic

    Aug 31, 2011
    Cyber City Oedo
    Read it for the first time, and while the writing could use some work - there are a few spelling errors and other sloppy editing, which seemed to get better after the 8th chapter - the plot seems to mostly be okay. Nothing special, though; the fic really isn't exceptional, but then again even a mediocre fic is a good find outside of DLP.
  4. Johnnyseattle

    Johnnyseattle Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Oct 25, 2011
    It's alright, I suppose. It falls into the same trap that too many 'Dark Harry' stories do, where there is no grey area to magic - either you're a completely whitebread, virginally-pure wizard, or everyone is freaking out at you because OMG DARK MAGIC and all that. But...

    And that, unfortunately, is the truth, and why I'll keep my eye on it.
  5. Pirazy

    Pirazy Groundskeeper

    Dec 29, 2010
    5 galleons say that by the time Harry comes back for summer vacation that Dung has swiped the stuff he left at Grimmauld and Harry finds out, cue black magic berserker rage.
  6. omnipotentatus

    omnipotentatus First Year

    May 27, 2015
    Aalborg, Denmark
    I thought it was a decent, much better than the average fanfic, but not great. I haven't really noticed any massive clichés, so that's good I suppose. One thing I don't like about the fic, is the vibe I'm getting from it, you know with dark!harry fics where Harry is all like "it's a war, casualties happen" about his parents death, and where the end goal is for Harry to join the death eaters. I'm getting that vibe from it, at least to a certain extent, I just hope the author proves me wrong.
    Will be following it, I just hope he actually updates it in a reasonable timeframe.
  7. Joe's Nemesis

    Joe's Nemesis High Score: 2,058 Prestige

    Jan 29, 2012
    High Score:
    It's the Star Wars effect. Well, that and the fact that most practitioners of witchcraft (including some pagan religions, although paganism =/= witchcraft) hold to some sort of dualism. Although, to be honest, Wiccans tend to see the dualistic sides as two sides of the same coin, one not able to exist without the other, and don't often associate "evil" and "good" to the two sides. That was more a Zoroastrian and Gnostic idea.
  8. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

    Sep 22, 2006
  9. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

    Feb 24, 2015
    3 chapters in.


    -Premise is solid. It's not exactly original, but still interesting.

    -A few retarded cliches. The Golden Trio going "just another Slytherin lolool" is a bit overused for Slytherin!Harry stories. Sirius's reaction to the knowledge is believable, though.

    -Stiff writing. By god, do you have to explain every little detail?

    For example:


    That being said, I'll continue reading the rest of this.

    ---------- Post automerged at 07:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:10 PM ----------

    Review continued:

    It gets better. It gets interesting. There are geniune plot hooks.

    The work has quite a bit of potential. Right now, it's not lib-worthy.

    3.5/5; rounding up in expectations of better updates.
  10. Atram Noctem

    Atram Noctem High Inquisitor

    Jan 13, 2015
    I don't have much to say about this. I've read most chapters long ago so I don't really remember all the details, but my impression is that it's just boring. Nothing interesting ever happens. Harry is just a guy running around, trying to make everyone accept him. There was a point where he was even being blackmailed by Malfoy, but thankfully the author realized how horrible it made Harry look and removed it. The Slytherin conflict isn't explored in-depth, and the romantic subplot is especially meh - we haven't got any sense of character or personality in Padma.

    There's a potential for a greater story there, but right now it's just trudging through the mud. 3/5 at best.
  11. KGB

    KGB Death Eater

    Jan 18, 2011
    This fic is rather bland. Your standard 3/5 the author has decent technical skill and there is actual time and effort invested in the. But nothing that would make it truly remarkable.

    But It uses one of my pet peeves for Slytherin fics: Order of the Phoenix sometimes kills bystanders in the crossfire, so that makes everything the Death Eaters do ok. Since this is war now. It is like a more insidious version of the old "Mah traditions" trope.
  12. Stan

    Stan Order Member

    Aug 19, 2014
    Not badly written, a few decent concepts, couple of cringeworthy moments but nothing too bad, nothing extraordinary in terms of plot or characterization..... this is pretty much the definition for your average fic.

  13. NuScorpii

    NuScorpii Professor

    Jan 18, 2015
    I am glad I didn't abandon the fic after the first few chapters which were quite uninteresting, despite the not-overused premise. The recent chapters seem to be getting interesting and the writing has also improved. I liked the interactions between Harry and his friends post TWT.

    3.5/5 rounded down for now, but I might round it up if the updates keep up the recent quality.
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2015
  14. darkklight

    darkklight Squib

    Sep 12, 2015
    This writing portrays a Harry standing at a crossroad and about to make a decision that will change his life. The writing is a bit slow and the update rate low. The plot seemed done before yet is different enough that I wouldn't mind reading future chapter. Overall, 3/5.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 25, 2015
  15. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Jul 5, 2006
    Tried reading it. Couldn't get into it. 3/5.