Startled, Malaga wakes as something wet and squishy plops down on her face. After turning on her bedside light confusion reigns.
"A steak?" She says.
The sound of squeaky hinges opening is the last thing she hears before a half of a ton of Ursus arctos horribilis (Grizzly Bear) smashes into her. Several hundred feet away darthdavid chuckles maniacally.

 

DarthDavid lies in his bed. He clutches Meepy, his stuffed dog close in his sleep and snores loudly. Four masked figures are gathered around him, and one goes to pull out his gun. Another stops him.
"Remember how malaga looked after the bear incident? We want this to be... slow."
The other nods reluctantly and they pick up the mattress. DarthDavid turns over and they freeze guiltily, until he starts snoring again. They set him down in an abandoned lot, and one pulls Meepy out and douses it in petrol before lighting it and chucking it on Darth's groin. He wakes up with a screech and the four hold him down with long poles until he dies in the fire.

They all pull out marshmellows, and toast them in remembrance of malaga, who everyone should remember has an army of ninjas.

 

BANG.........the last sound malaga hears hears before feeling a heavy thump as something hits her head.

 

Nexus hears a strange whistling noise and looks up. "Is that a very surprised looking whale and a bowl of petunias?" he says, rather confused. Conspiracy theorists will speculate about the meat filled crater for years.

 

darthdavid gets brutely anal raped by a pack of rabid porcupines. Bleeding profusely from the anus, darthdavid look down to discover that many thousand of quills protruding from his stomach. Reaching down to pull one out, all of his guts break lose and fall from his body to hit the floor in a gory splatter.

The End...?

 

Darth007 lies back in a bath. It's filled with bubbles and lavender scents and he lies back and relaxes with an expression of serene contemplation on his face. He gropes around for the soap, and feels it slide against his leg.

"Slippery liddle bugger" Darth007 grunts, but finally grabs it. He picks it up, and it seems to squirm in his hand to escape. He pulls it up to his face only to realise it isn't his soap at all. He screams as it bites him, and the sea serpent slithers away.

~3 Days Later~
Police Constable Jones turns to his partner.
"Who could have done this?"
"The only one is... malaga. But she was seen by 500 people making a speech in another city. It can't have been her... Can it?"
"Anything's possible with malaga. But we can't bring her in. Put it in the 'Couldn't Possibly Be Malaga' File."

 

Malaga smile to himself as he adjusted his new breasts. He didn’t like to think of himself as a man anymore, now that he finally have breasts, but that festering member still dangled between his legs, slightly longer that a clitoris. (S)he raised the pink miniskirt, wiggling it up over her chunky thighs. On occasion it would get stuck bubble of puss surrounding an ingrown hair, so (s)he’d have to pull extra hard.

At last her little deformed member came into view. Malaga scowled at it, looking at the crooked pin. She flicked it with her long pink fingernails, and some bloody buggies from and early nose picking session got stuck on it.

Malaga came to a decision. She reached for the ice-cream scoop on the counter and brought it down onto her demi-cock with a fury never before witnessed. After several hours of work, she managed to scoop out her offending projection.

By this time her neighbor, Edna, had heard the screams. She quickly called the police, who arrived 27 seconds latter. The cops, led by fair Edna rushed into the door of Malaga’s apartment several times before the managed to bust it down. They looked at the fat and hairy beast stretched across chaise long, and then the seeping gob of flush on the floor beside it.

Rocks fall, everyone dies.

 

Merc leans around the door to check out the situation but his jaw drops in shock. Walking into the apartment, he looks up. "The ceilings all solid. How the hell did these rocks get in here?!" Turning around he leaves the apartment.
"Maybe I should just go back into retirement..."

 

Pinkboa runs at Mercenary with a large and unweildy hottub, trips and drops it. The hottub hits a shelf with a pool ball on top. The pool ball drops and activates a series of elabrate conisidences that cause and egg to be fried.

Mercenary eats this egg and cuts his throut open on a bit of shell left in it.

He dies 12 hours later of internal bleeding from the large intestine.

 

...

Vash imperios a pair Rhino and commands them to anally and orally rape Pinkboa to death.

 

Cornering Vash in the middle of his escape from the wild sodomizing rhinos that have been persuing their overseer thisperson takes out his wand.

Legilimens

A not so subtle whisper is briefly heard before a pale pathetic excuse for a man is on the ground thrashing. Hair wildly changing colors,
burgundy, orange, green, then a myriad of others quickly flashing before coming to a halt.

Panting and eyes darting every where with a sense of apprehension our antagonist quickly preceeds to pull out a lengthy piece wood.

Slim and straight, held out forward in an aggressive manner the wand begins to exude a dark aura about it.

Expecto Curam

Unleashing all the pent up rage and perverse fantasies that were never fulfilled in his literary works, a serpent of great magnitude is forcefully ejected and shot off to where thisperson was last located.

Flash.

A physical barrier appear to have been formed in mere seconds.

A small smile forms knowing that his attacker has been weakened after using up a vast amount of magic.

Conjuring molecules and then binding them in order to create a wall was not the smartest thing to do.

No one said alchemy was an easy feat to accomplish, even at its most basic forms.

Slam. Hitting something straight on the head at great speeds will knock anything unconscious, giant snake or not.

An exchange of words is followed by more jets of light being expelled towards each other.

What feels like hours but has most likely been mere minutes magical exhaustion begins to settle in, desperation his close companion thisperson eratically shoots off beams of light that seem to have no effect when hitting thair target.

Ugh! You complete cunt, what would compel you to even dare attack me? Look at you, exhausted after mere minutes and your attacks bear no fruitition. Who out you up to this?

Silence.

Answer me

The Indigo told me to do it. It said you were misguided and had no clue as to where to go.
It told me you needed peace of mind.
What more peace would someone want other then death.
The brain led to rest as it goes on to the next great adventure.

Are you fucking kidding me...I am being hunted by a fanboy.

Yep.

Oh my fucking God...
An exhasperated sigh escaping although quickly quieted, making this wonder if he ever heard it.

Look I have been doing my utmost to wri-Avada Kedavra!

A sickly green zap illuminated the dimly lit night.

Traveling at great speeds toward the outline of a young man. Hitting him squarely in the chest.

Never being too late to be cautious Vash slowly approached the slumped figure.

Magic has done its work now

A soft pop led our antagonist to a small flat located in the desolate areas of the United States.

Climbing onto the matress and laying down for a well deserved rest he quickly rest...snores softly being carried throughout the house.

~

You know Vash it is never safe to assume someone is dead, even if you have seen the corpse

A small gasp was the only sound uttered.

Diffendio

Not even bothering to defend and simply take the brunt of the attack in the arm, a gash apeared and blood flowed freely gathering in a small puddle at the foot of the bed.

I told you Vash, The Indigo told me to.
It is my master, blindly following what it commands has been my only task in life ever since...

What was mumbled out was only understood by one pair of ears, of course it did nothing since the only one who understood was the one who knew what was said.

And now it is your time, you are no longer needed.
You were just used for what The Indigo needed to do, manifesting itself and using you as a proxy. I have already seen in your mind that the thought of continuing never even crossed you.

I can see it all overly used cliches, mediocre spells and plot bunnies that would never last.

Where is your shame?

Now I am disgressing-where was I-oh yes...Avada Kedavra.

Shock registered on his face as the life rushed out of him.

Truthfully you had misconceived notions about your superiority.
But no more, you see I already knew I would win and since nothing can change, magic would not allow me to die.

Now I must go.

A small necklace was taken out from within the shirt.
Rapidly spinning a small artifact numerous times he dissappeared without a sound.

Time Turners really were a tricky thing.

~~~~

I have no clue as to what I wrote...wow.

It seems so stupid but considering this was what my brain thought of then I guess I should just post.
Even if it is a clusterfuck that was written as I wrote without thought on my computer...just kill me now.

 

Groans and moans fill the air as a new zombie horde draws you. You try to run but hit a dead end. As they slowly approach you, you can only hope for a quick death. A quickening beeping fills your ears.You glance up, having ignored the ceiling, only to see hundreds of pounds of C4 attached to the ceiling.

The beeping ends, and a bright light blinds you just before you and everything in a five mile radius is destroyed.

In his secret Moonbase Sandono smiles. After all, everyone needs some stress-release every once and awhile. Espescialy after being sliced to bits.

 

Sandono sits in his secret base, secure in the knowledge that no one could possibly find him here. He taps the cardboard sides, and checks that MOONBASE is still written in large black letters on one side.

"Safe..." he whispers, only to hear a quiet chortle from behind. He spins, but no one is there, except his friendly soft toy collection. In his panic he imagines that their little black eyes have a glint they didn't have before, and their stitched smiles have a cruel twist to the edges.

He forces himself to calm down, turns back to his super secret Moon Base controls. He hears another quiet laugh, and is swarmed by soft figures and trapped on the ground. Something soft and fluffly is stuffed in his mouth, and dark bunny ears appear in front of his eyes as his mouth is sewn shut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inspector James Hartley looked down at the figure, all orifices sewn shut, and a pompom attached to the base of the spinal cord, with an expression of resignation.
"Why the hell do I always get the weird ones?" He asked himself.

 

While Malaga is sleeping, Azure kidnaps her and throws her into a locked room,
and cuts of her arms and limbs and cauterizes the wounds to prevent excessive blood loss. He then leaves a key 7 meters in front of her and walks away after locking the door, whistling a jaunty tune.

A week later, he comes back and shoots her starved corpse, just in case.

EDIT: Bugger, didn't notice no one had posted for ages. Sorry about that. >.>

 

Kyrissean, having a newly appreciated enjoyment for Malaga's antics, goes into a blind rage after SOMEHOW hearing about her death. In the same, as of yet unknown way, he gained the knowledge of her regretful passing, Kyrissean comes into possession of her murderer's name and current location. Surveillance shots included so that identification would be possible.

Coincedentally, Azure, the murderer, is walking happily along the other side of a packed street, heading his way. Caring little for decorum, Kyrissean runs across the road, dodging the few, slow moving cars that are restrained by the sprawling masses of humanity and shoved his way through the faceless crowd, eyes intent on he who would dare remove such brilliance from the world.

Having now reached the other side, the young man begins a slow, agonizing walk towards Azure's figure. The filthy Muggle takes little notice of Kyrissean's snarling face, so sure is he of his omnipotence. Smugness and arrogance practically radiated from his eyes. Eyes that needed to be removed.

Shaking with rage, his fingers wishing nothing more than to dig deep into Azure's disgusting orbs, Kyrissean leaps with a psyhcotic howl of rage, throwing his whole body into tackling the pathetic excuse for human flesh while his hands gouge and teeth rend.

Fingers finding eyes as if they were a lover's hand, Kyrissean can only feel sweet bliss and a lessening on his heavy heart when the other male's agonized scream tears itself from his throat and resounds through quickly emptying, panicking streets. Azure struggles fitfully but weakly, trying to escape this new horror, completely disorientated by the suprise attack. It proves fruitless, however, against the adrenalin enhanced strength of the other. Deciding that tearing of the throat sounded good, Kyrissean viscously ducks in, opening his jaw as wide as possible, biting down as hard as he can, and then ripping back.

A small explosion of blood is his reward.

Eyes manic and gleeful, Kyrissean can only throw back his head and laugh though the mouthful of fleshy tissue and blood, an odd gurgling sounds, as he rips out Azure's tongue and proceeds violently smack the downed man upside the head, punding down on his face with bare fists, slamming his knees into his ribcage before finally shoving his now bloody hand through the back of his head.

Kyrissean stands and walks off, the street now completely empty. He knew he'd be caught soon, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was revenge.

______

What can I say? I felt violent and had a few spare minutes.

 

Kento watched from afar as Kyrissean walked home always looking about scared of his own shadow. A shadow he should be scared of.

Kento quickly appears in front of him. Kyrissean eyes widen in shock at the sight of the Katana sticking out of his stomach but before he can try anything Kento rips it out and slices his head clean off.

After a job well done Kento disappears into the night.

 

Or tries to as The-Hyphenated-One hits the gas and runs Kento's ass over, twice just for good measure. The-Hyphenated-One then makes his way back home to his fortress in Oz.

 

As The-Hyphenated-One is making his way back to Oz, he sees a pasture with cows in it. Thinking himself something of a comedian, he decides "Hey, I'll go tip a cow! Heh heh heh heh..." He goes up to the nearest cow, (in his ever-inebriated state, not noticing the numerous weapons strapped to the cow's body,) and pushes on it. Without warning, the cow leaps up in the air, does a triple back flip 720, and decapitates him with a well-placed kick. That is, a well placed kick from the edge of a battle axe. The cow then returns to grazing, as tranquility is restored to the pasture.

 

As the drawbridge slowly ascended The-One-With-Hyphens looked around him, nose sniffing outward attempting to catch the scent of an intruder. Eyes darting across the moat, peering into the now clouding darkness that had begun covering all.

Acknowledging that there was indeed no danger present The-Hyphenated-One rapidly descended into the world of Hyphens, for you see his location had not been a fortress within the Wonderful World of Oz, no his true stronghold clearly lay in the World of Hyphens and Underscores.

Pre-ambling forward after dismissing his guards from his outer chambers, he slowly began to unrobe. Slipping on the silken pajamas that were hanging from the dresser's corner. Striding towards his inner chambers were his new mistress lay he waddled forward with the grace of a penguin. Clearly ready to begin his plight into the depths of her warm succulent body he thrust inward.

Pumping away with lust in his unbridled eyes The Hyphened-Man slowly began to reach his peak. As soon as the seminal fluids ejaculated from his slowly diminishing member, the clasps around him set hold.

Slowly but surely the outer lips of her crevice grew sharper and razor thin, her outer labia grew in length and declined in girth, while gaining a slight metallic sheen to it. In less than four seconds after his climax he was in a precarious position.

The clit now pointed at a ninety-degree angle towards the base of his prick, while her lips were positioned around him set to sever. Not daring to move or even breath lest the actions cut off his head he waited, surely his erection would deflate rapidly and allow him to walk away unscathed, traumatized surely, but free of harm.

Arriving, seemingly out of nowhere, a figure slowly appeared from the shadows. Recognizing the bold text spread across the users image, The-Hyphenated-One slowly succumbed to the fear expelling from the creature before him.

Mouth opening in an attempt to speak, and with what would surely be ridicule towards He-Who-Was-Trapped. The-Hyphenated-One ready to abject the motion, and with his courage suddenly swelling to enormous proportions, The-Hyphenated-One cut him off.

Release me a-

A misanthropic smile slowly spread across thisperson's face. As The-Less-Hyphenated-One was rapidly cut off from its source of life. The sliver thin blades had slowly cut across the flesh as the modified needle sunk its grasp on the stump of remaining flesh that was protruding from his being.

A gurgling noise was all that was heard as the It before him fell in a slump unto the fortress floor. Life slowly draining away from him. The lifeless body of his mistress following his trail as her labia was forced by the weight of her master.

thisperson slowly sank on to the warm recliner that had, like him, also been conjured out of nowhere. A smile of true happiness on his face, his arm lazily pulling glasses of aged wine towards him. A precarious sip was all. After all it would not suit him to be drunk. Seeing the remaining blood from It drain thisperson disappeared, just as he came.

There on the lifeless floors of the Fortress in Hyphens and Underscores land laid its ruler, along with his mistress. He strewn beyond his back, she laying susceptibly on his torso. An image lay burned unto her back, ingrained with the tools of an artist, for ever more to stain her corpses backside, and a message to all those with hyphens.

'You forgot the dashes'

 

I shoot you.