1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice

  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice
DLP Story Competition Guest User Registration Nag SPS + NTT

Lamest joke you know!

Discussion in 'The Humor Mill' started by Mage Ronin, Jan 9, 2009.

0/5, 0 votes
Page 2 of 4
  1. Coyote

    Coyote He howls n' stuff

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2006
    Messages:
    1,080
    Location:
    High enough to see for miles
    Jan 10, 2009 #21
    Hm...

    Isreal.
     
  2. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,022
    Location:
    Where idiots are not legally permitted to vote
    High Score:
    3,994
    Jan 11, 2009 #22
    The leper says to the prostitute, "Keep the tip."

    [Edit: Glad these don't count toward postcount. I'd hate to have wasted my 700th post on this.]
     
  3. Maro

    Maro Third Year

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2008
    Messages:
    109
    Location:
    UK
    Jan 11, 2009 #23
    So there's a nun who's unfortunately feeling a bit wistful for a child. Naturally she's taken a vow of abstinence. One day she's walking past a bedsit when she hears two people making love quite loudly. She sneaks up to the window and looks in. All nuns are pervs. She sees the guy hurriedly looking around the room for something, then he gets quite upset. It seems the guy hasn't got a condom. Its alright though, the female gives the man a smarties tube and has him use that. If its okay for smarties its okay for semen, right?

    After the pair have finished consumating their relationship the guy throws his used tube out the window. The nun, seizing her chance, grabs the smarties tube and walks down the road humming.

    Ten years later the nun and her son are eating breakfast happily and boy posits a question, "Mum, who's my daddy?". The nun apparently never having discussed this with the son before.

    "Only Smarties have the answer," was her reply.

    Utterly terrible.
     
  4. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    Jan 11, 2009 #24
    A buddhist goes to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

    The vendor charges him $3.50 so the Buddhist gives him $5, but the vendor doesn't give him anything back. The Buddhist says, "Hey, what about my change?" and the vendor says, "Change comes from within.


    Maro told that last bit in IRC. I lol'd...

    How do you make a hanky dance?
    Put a little Boogey into it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2009
  5. Josh Trapt

    Josh Trapt First Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2008
    Messages:
    22
    Location:
    Texas
    Jan 11, 2009 #25
    What's red and smells like blue paint?

    Red Paint
     
  6. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Location:
    The Other Surrey
    Jan 11, 2009 #26
    So me and mayble are talking...
    Mayble: Whats better than one kitkat?
    Me: What
    Mayble:Two KitKats.

    So I says to mayble, I says...
    Me: Whats better than two KitKats?
    Mayble: Three KitKats?
    Me: Boobs.

    True Story.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2009
  7. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    9,027
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Baile Átha Cliath
    Feb 3, 2009 #27
    Ex-President George Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy."

    So our illustrious ex-president asked the class for an example of a "tragedy."
    One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
    "No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
    A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

    'I'm afraid not," explained Bush. "That's what we would call great loss."

    The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
    Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
    Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In A quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy..

    "Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?

    "Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either."
     
  8. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
    Messages:
    5,128
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Feb 3, 2009 #28
    That joke isn't lame, Oz, you tool.

    I laughed. :awesome
     
  9. Jamven

    Jamven Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    1,120
    Location:
    Hunting Bullwinkle's assassin
    Feb 3, 2009 #29
    Hmm...

    What to hear a dirty joke?

    A white horse fell into a mud puddle!

    *edit*
    A little background info, this joke comes from my religious grandma when I was about 8.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2009
  10. Iztiak

    Iztiak Prisoner DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2006
    Messages:
    2,941
    Feb 3, 2009 #30
    What did one snowman say to the other?

    Do you smell carrots?

    :awesome
     
  11. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    Messages:
    2,541
    Location:
    The Gardens in the Desert Sand
    Feb 3, 2009 #31
    What did Daddy Tomato tell Billy Tomato after stomping him for being too slow?

    Ketchup!

    What do you call four black guys in a car?

    Tinted windows.
     
  12. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    9,027
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Baile Átha Cliath
    Feb 4, 2009 #32
    Lol, couldn't be fucked looking past page one in 'Flash and Spam games' for the real joke thread. >.>

    Guy goes into a garage and asks for four hubcaps for a skoda. To which the owner replied, "Sounds like a fair trade to me."

    :awesome

    And seeing as Ireland is being crippled by it inch and a half of snow...

    What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?
    Snowballs.
     
  13. The-Hyphenated-One

    The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,497
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle
    Feb 4, 2009 #33
    Why was the grape crying?


    Her mom was in a jam! :awesome
     
  14. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    6,193
    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    Feb 4, 2009 #34
    Joke #1: Black people don't like fried chicken.

    ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Okay, seriously, Joke#2: Why was six afraid of seven?
    That seven, well...he always was a little odd...

    Joke#3: What's the difference between fucking a living woman and fucking a dead woman?

    The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up...
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2009
  15. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    Feb 4, 2009 #35
    @JB: Why is six afraid of seven?
    Cause seven, eight, nine.

    :awesome
     
  16. Gullible

    Gullible Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2006
    Messages:
    1,112
    Location:
    Sitting in front of a broken compooter, lolololol
    Feb 4, 2009 #36
    How do you get down off an elephant?

    You don't, you get down off a duck.
     
  17. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,498
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West Bank
    Feb 4, 2009 #37
    I love asians, that's why I hate Winter. All these white bastards start talking about going out and hitting the slopes.
     
  18. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Messages:
    3,847
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Feb 4, 2009 #38
    What organ stays warm in a womans body after death?


    My Dick.
     
  19. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,498
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West Bank
    Feb 4, 2009 #39
    A hearty lol to you.

    Hahaha, oh my god.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2009
  20. Kang

    Kang Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2007
    Messages:
    1,205
    Location:
    England
    Feb 5, 2009 #40
    Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

    Because he had nobody to go with.

    I <3 Scrubs and lame pick up jokes.
     
Page 2 of 4
Loading...
Similar Threads
  1. Xiph0

    The Joke Thread

    Xiph0, Dec 10, 2008, in forum: The Humor Mill
    Replies:
    618
    Views:
    171,813
    ScottPress
    Jul 24, 2020