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Lamest joke you know!

Discussion in 'The Humor Mill' started by Mage Ronin, Jan 9, 2009.

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  1. Coyote

    Coyote He howls n' stuff

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    Jan 10, 2009 #21
    Hm...

    Isreal.
     
  2. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Jan 11, 2009 #22
    The leper says to the prostitute, "Keep the tip."

    [Edit: Glad these don't count toward postcount. I'd hate to have wasted my 700th post on this.]
     
  3. Maro

    Maro Third Year

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    UK
    Jan 11, 2009 #23
    So there's a nun who's unfortunately feeling a bit wistful for a child. Naturally she's taken a vow of abstinence. One day she's walking past a bedsit when she hears two people making love quite loudly. She sneaks up to the window and looks in. All nuns are pervs. She sees the guy hurriedly looking around the room for something, then he gets quite upset. It seems the guy hasn't got a condom. Its alright though, the female gives the man a smarties tube and has him use that. If its okay for smarties its okay for semen, right?

    After the pair have finished consumating their relationship the guy throws his used tube out the window. The nun, seizing her chance, grabs the smarties tube and walks down the road humming.

    Ten years later the nun and her son are eating breakfast happily and boy posits a question, "Mum, who's my daddy?". The nun apparently never having discussed this with the son before.

    "Only Smarties have the answer," was her reply.

    Utterly terrible.
     
  4. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

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    Jan 11, 2009 #24
    A buddhist goes to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

    The vendor charges him $3.50 so the Buddhist gives him $5, but the vendor doesn't give him anything back. The Buddhist says, "Hey, what about my change?" and the vendor says, "Change comes from within.


    Maro told that last bit in IRC. I lol'd...

    How do you make a hanky dance?
    Put a little Boogey into it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2009
  5. Josh Trapt

    Josh Trapt First Year DLP Supporter

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    Jan 11, 2009 #25
    What's red and smells like blue paint?

    Red Paint
     
  6. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

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    Jan 11, 2009 #26
    So me and mayble are talking...
    Mayble: Whats better than one kitkat?
    Me: What
    Mayble:Two KitKats.

    So I says to mayble, I says...
    Me: Whats better than two KitKats?
    Mayble: Three KitKats?
    Me: Boobs.

    True Story.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2009
  7. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Feb 3, 2009 #27
    Ex-President George Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy."

    So our illustrious ex-president asked the class for an example of a "tragedy."
    One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
    "No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
    A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

    'I'm afraid not," explained Bush. "That's what we would call great loss."

    The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
    Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
    Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In A quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy..

    "Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?

    "Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either."
     
  8. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Feb 3, 2009 #28
    That joke isn't lame, Oz, you tool.

    I laughed. :awesome
     
  9. Jamven

    Jamven Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Feb 3, 2009 #29
    Hmm...

    What to hear a dirty joke?

    A white horse fell into a mud puddle!

    *edit*
    A little background info, this joke comes from my religious grandma when I was about 8.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2009
  10. Iztiak

    Iztiak Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    Feb 3, 2009 #30
    What did one snowman say to the other?

    Do you smell carrots?

    :awesome
     
  11. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    Feb 3, 2009 #31
    What did Daddy Tomato tell Billy Tomato after stomping him for being too slow?

    Ketchup!

    What do you call four black guys in a car?

    Tinted windows.
     
  12. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Feb 4, 2009 #32
    Lol, couldn't be fucked looking past page one in 'Flash and Spam games' for the real joke thread. >.>

    Guy goes into a garage and asks for four hubcaps for a skoda. To which the owner replied, "Sounds like a fair trade to me."

    :awesome

    And seeing as Ireland is being crippled by it inch and a half of snow...

    What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?
    Snowballs.
     
  13. The-Hyphenated-One

    The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Feb 4, 2009 #33
    Why was the grape crying?


    Her mom was in a jam! :awesome
     
  14. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    Feb 4, 2009 #34
    Joke #1: Black people don't like fried chicken.

    ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Okay, seriously, Joke#2: Why was six afraid of seven?
    That seven, well...he always was a little odd...

    Joke#3: What's the difference between fucking a living woman and fucking a dead woman?

    The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up...
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2009
  15. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

    Messages:
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    Feb 4, 2009 #35
    @JB: Why is six afraid of seven?
    Cause seven, eight, nine.

    :awesome
     
  16. Gullible

    Gullible Headmaster

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    Feb 4, 2009 #36
    How do you get down off an elephant?

    You don't, you get down off a duck.
     
  17. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 4, 2009 #37
    I love asians, that's why I hate Winter. All these white bastards start talking about going out and hitting the slopes.
     
  18. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Feb 4, 2009 #38
    What organ stays warm in a womans body after death?


    My Dick.
     
  19. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 4, 2009 #39
    A hearty lol to you.

    Hahaha, oh my god.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2009
  20. Kang

    Kang Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Feb 5, 2009 #40
    Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

    Because he had nobody to go with.

    I <3 Scrubs and lame pick up jokes.
     
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