1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice

  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice
DLP Story Competition Guest User Registration Nag SPS + NTT

Lamest joke you know!

Discussion in 'The Humor Mill' started by Mage Ronin, Jan 9, 2009.

0/5, 0 votes
Page 3 of 4
  1. SEG-CISR

    SEG-CISR First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2009
    Messages:
    40
    Location:
    The OC
    Feb 7, 2009 #41
    So a cripple walks into a bar...
     
  2. Knox

    Knox The Last Remnant DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    1,087
    Location:
    At the crossroad where the demon lies. Waiting to
    Feb 7, 2009 #42
    A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand, swerves, and nails the Navy man's truck. They both exit their cars with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.

    Now, the rivalry between Army and Navy is well known, so needless to say a heated argument followed. Then suddenly the Navy man changed heart and said, "Hold on, this is dumb. It was an accident. Let's put this rivalry behind us."

    The Army man agreed this was a good idea. So the Navy man offered, "Why don't we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of vodka? I have a bottle in the truck."

    The Army man thought this was an excellent idea. So the Navy man, being a gentleman, offered the Army man the first drink, and told the Army man to drink as much as he wanted. Soon half the bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the Navy man who said, "Thanks, but I'll wait till after the cops get here!"
     
  3. Argosh

    Argosh Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    371
    Feb 7, 2009 #43
    A blind man walks thru the market. When he's about to pass the stall selling fish, he sniffs and says politely, "Hello ladies!"
     
  4. Knox

    Knox The Last Remnant DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    1,087
    Location:
    At the crossroad where the demon lies. Waiting to
    Feb 7, 2009 #44
    That's not a joke its Afro Man - Colt 45. TRY AGAIN! D:
     
  5. lolinho

    lolinho Squib

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    13
    Location:
    Essen, Germany
    Feb 7, 2009 #45
    Wanna hear a joke?
    Women's rights.

    What's small, green and triangular?
    A small green triangle.

    What's small, grey and triangular?
    The small green triangle's shadow.

    What's big, blue, lives 10 ft under the ground and eats stones?
    The big blue stone eater.

    If you dug a hole from North Pole to South Pole and threw a rock in ah the North Pole, how far would it go?
    Only 10ft, because the big blue stone eater lives there.

    -----

    And Immolo, FO3 dumb jokes rock.
     
  6. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,498
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West Bank
    Feb 7, 2009 #46
    Your avatar kicks ass, where's it from?
     
  7. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,231
    Feb 7, 2009 #47
    Let epsilon be less than zero.
     
  8. Khazad-Dumb

    Khazad-Dumb Loves the Gay Porn DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2008
    Messages:
    1,419
    Location:
    Clutch City, USA
    Feb 7, 2009 #48
    Jesus walks into a hotel, throws down three nails and says "Put me up for the night"
     
  9. DarkAizen

    DarkAizen Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2007
    Messages:
    457
    Location:
    Romania
    Feb 7, 2009 #49
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice!

    When Chuck Norris counted to infinity the third time,he counted in complex numbers.

    The fourth time ,he started from minus infinity :)
     
  10. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,498
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West Bank
    Feb 7, 2009 #50
    Good one, haha.
     
  11. Khazad-Dumb

    Khazad-Dumb Loves the Gay Porn DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2008
    Messages:
    1,419
    Location:
    Clutch City, USA
    Feb 7, 2009 #51
    Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?

    Because he forgot the safeword
     
  12. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    Feb 7, 2009 #52
    Rofl. Jesus humor.

    Made me laugh this morning.

    Especially this one:

     
  13. Koalas

    Koalas First Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    46
    Location:
    Halifax
    High Score:
    2024
    Feb 7, 2009 #53
    So a seal walks into a club...
     
  14. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,604
    Feb 7, 2009 #54
    Searched 'Jesus joke' in google, this is what I came up with:

    Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
    Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands!
     
  15. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    Feb 9, 2009 #55
    What did the pacific ocean say to the atlantic?

    Nothing, it just waved.

    What did the deaf, blind, and paralyzed boy get for Christmas?

    Cancer.

    Why did the girl fall of the swing?

    Because she had no arms

    Also, this doesn't really go here, but in light of the Men > Women Thread(s)

    Funniest joke I know?

    WOMENS RIGHTS
     
  16. Schrodinger

    Schrodinger Muggle ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2009
    Messages:
    1
    High Score:
    1691
    Feb 9, 2009 #56
    Worst pickup line ever: "let's play Titanic. You'll be the ocean, and I'll go down on you."
    When a guy used it on me, I naturally responded with " Sure, lets play titanic, I'll be the ocean, and as you sink into me, I'll tear you in half and leave you lying there on the floor." At this point, he started to back away, muttering something about sadistic bitches... I wonder why?
     
  17. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    Messages:
    2,541
    Location:
    The Gardens in the Desert Sand
    Feb 9, 2009 #57
    Sarah Palin?
     
  18. Argosh

    Argosh Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    371
    Feb 9, 2009 #58
    I think its supposed to be HP, from a photoshopped HP/Matrix movie poster. ;)
     
  19. DarkAizen

    DarkAizen Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2007
    Messages:
    457
    Location:
    Romania
    Feb 9, 2009 #59
    Q. What is the definition of "making love"?





    A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
     
  20. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,378
    Location:
    The South
    Feb 16, 2009 #60
    My boss has a favorite joke to tell that apparently NEVER gets old. He tells it constantly and finds it to be the most amusing joke ever. Here it is:


    What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a german shepherd?

    A watchdog for the third floor!


    ...I know, it's not even funny because it's so stupid, but it is probably the lamest joke I know.

    Also, I've just realized I don't know how to do spoiler tags. Anyone care to enlighten me?

    EDIT: Thanks to the two of you who told me how to do the spoiler tags. Cheers!
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2009
Page 3 of 4
Loading...
Similar Threads
  1. Xiph0

    The Joke Thread

    Xiph0, Dec 10, 2008, in forum: The Humor Mill
    Replies:
    618
    Views:
    171,813
    ScottPress
    Jul 24, 2020