nice chapter....i am curious about how Draco will behave towards Harry. not much action in it but it fills the background information. more frequent updates please....

 

Ya, the first chapters were out really fast, and now this last one took a while. The writer probably had the first few written and posted in bulk and is now just going with the flow.

 

Can I ask a couple of questions and maybe ask for a bit of clarification?

Why were the first two chapters something to get past? I'll admit that they didn't contain a lot of hell-bent-for-leather action but I thought they held some important information. The first chapter was essentially a stand alone, it could have been a simple sad one-shot, telling why Harry would seek to kill himself when he accomplished everything he could have wanted. The second introduced the world Harry arrives in while leaving him confused. How does this sort of plot building compare in desirability to the more direct action of fighting, we all know the direct action of smut gets first place.

As for Harry being overpowered, how do you see that? I try to avoid that whenever I can. Although I enjoy reading them I don't like to write Harry as a super hero stories. Harry did defeat Lucius quite easily, twice, but he did it not with overwhelming power or magical capability but by acting outside the box, so to speak. From Canon we know that Harry is very good with summoning charms, after a rocky start, and it is a logical extension that he would be good with banishing as well.

At their first encounter Lucius has his wand drawn but is expecting the typical curse/countercurse, block and shield sort of duel. This is what we are led to believe his mindset is from the DoM fight in OotP. What Harry does is exactly what he did in that fight, he changes the groundrules. I have found that the person who sets the rules for a fight is usually the winner. Lucius was expecting one set of rules but Harry fought with another. Instead of putting up a shield to block Lucius's curse, the expected course of action, he shifts the paradigm and uses a noncombat spell to toss Lucius into the gutter before his curse can be cast. Then he disarms him while he is disorientated ending the fight.

In the hotel room, Harry uses the element of surprise. By banishing Lucius into a solid wall before Lucius even knnows the fight has begun, he again stuns and disorientates him, thus taking him out of the fight. Goyle and Nott, expecting to simply act as backup while Lucius kills a stranger are taken completely unawares by the appearance of a naked man. The impediment jinx effectively takes them out of the fight for enough time to render them moot. Harry wins not with overwhelming power but again by not adhering to the expected rules of engagement. To me the weak link in that fight is how Lucius casts the silencing charm AFTER he appears in the room yet doesn't anticipate that Harry might hear the sound of Apparition and come out fighting. In retrospect, I should have had him signal Goyle and Nott to watch the door while he deals with Narcissa, rather than just jumping into action. But I blame that on the shock poor Lucy suffered when he saw that his wife had quite obviously been shagging a complete stranger.

Perhaps I need to bring this out more in the story since that is Harry's MO throughout, doing the unexpected.

I appreciate your thoughts on this and thanks for reading the story.

BJH

 

And yes, you are correct. The first seven chapters are written. I posted the first five at once and the rest will be at a slower pace. I want to stay a bit ahead of myself in case life sends me a curve. Like the surprise root canal I had yesterday.

BJH

 

First, please don't double-post. There's an Edit-Button you can use.

To the story: I think it's a very promising start to a good dark!Harry story. That he wants to befriend his parents is a bit cliched, but I can understand why he would do that and I don't see it as a big problem. But you should avoid making Harry desperate for his parents friendship and doing everything to achieve it. His main goal should be to set things straight in this universe and if he just happens to gain his parents' friendship, then ok, if not he shouldn't care that much.

So far I give this story 4/5

 

BJH~

Just read the sixth chapter and that is what I am reviewing so most of it is in spoiler tags.

Spoiler

Firstly, the whole scene with meeting the faculty doesn't sit well with me. Encounters with James and Snape being the issue. At first he tries to take the high ground against Snape calling him a dark wizard and so unqualified to teach defense. Then later he doesn't defend himself against James, and in a petulant manner sulks at the 'prejudice' of wizarding society. The stance of remaining 'misunderstood' and at the same time acting in no way that explains his choice is just childish.

Now that may be what you are going for that he is not especially mature or worldly wise, given the way he goes about seducing Narcissa, his interview with Dumbledore where he makes himself vulnerable by giving up a piece of the prophecy, and now this sequence where he made a little speech about 'what makes a dark wizard.'

If he is a dark wizard and confidant in his choice it would be nice to see that in his character. And if he is not truly interested in acceptance from his parents or anyone then he should be in general ambivalent to everyone's attitude towards him. You can't have both him uncaring of what people think yet upset when they don't understand him.

It would be logical if he did in fact care about his parents and outside of his goals they are the only ones that he would like to understand why he is a dark wizard or employs dark magic. But if your position is that he has not in canon sought out a connection with his parents (debatable in my opinion) and you want to carry over this analysis to your fic. then please take him out of the state of angst over being unaccepted.

Writing flow and grammar is very good. I am intrigued by the glimpse of Luna and Ginny. I hope both get developed.

As far as mechanics go I think its 5/5. After the last chapter Harry's characterization makes me rate the overall story as 3/5 - I am still waiting for more plot to see how this diverges from other writers who have tackled this idea.

 

By getting past the first wo chapters was that those two chapters aren't the kind of material that I normally read. If the whole story was written like those chapters then I would have reccomended it for the bin. The problem with the first chapter is that its the same beginning that the many other Dark Harry stories have and there isn't anything particularly original about it. Harry's outbursts at Kretcher are in character for a post-HBP Harry. His summoning of the locket as well as his sudden desire for knowledge are reminiscent of the typical Indy-Harry story.

The second chapter is much more interesting then the first but I feel that for most readers of this genre still would still not be 'hooked' on the story by this point. The Dursley seen is also typical revenge set Dark Harry.

After these two chapters you bring the story to the point were I think you start your own plot line instead of simply writing an extension of canon. From chapter three onward your story becomes truly good.

By Harry being over powered I should have been more specific in what I meant. I see your point about how harry simply has the element of surprise on his sid. I can't say that Harry's defeat of Malfoy is impossible but it seems improbable that it would be that easy for him. Its the sort if thing that happens in Make a Wish just that you are not writing a parody. It is a minor point however and dose not make the story any worse.

 

I see your points about the first chapter, that's why I compressed it all into a single 2K word chapter instead of a story in and of itself, nothing new there really. The Dursley scene was done to accompllish two things, get Harry some operating funds and show him struggling with the differences between what he expects and what exists in his new world.

As for Harry's fighting ability, while formidable, he will not be getting out unscathed, afterall he's not the only one who can think outside the box.

BJH

P.S. To CGB - thanks for the insight, I'll use it from now on. At this point Harry's main goal is only to free Sirius in this world since he couldn't save him in his own. Now, Harry has also taken the task of dealing with Luna, although I haven't yet revealed how or why. Ginny will come later. (No pun intended)

 

I read this today and I'm hoping that this will go far. Your idea, while not brand new, is different enough to perk my interest.
On the other hand though, I find myself agreeing with nuhuh's points on the latest chapter (if you haven't figured out how to read it yet: click and drag your mouse over it, or press Ctrl + A), and I hope you'll solve that one way or the other.

All things being equal, I'm going to hold off rating the thread, but I'll give it a tentative 4/5 for now.

 

Hmmm....I took the time and read this and I quite agree with Bio's assesment. This fic does not get the global favorite status as of yet. As the author says i wanna see what action Narcissa indirectly forces our shady protagonist into.

4/5.

 

Well, after a breather, this story just updated again.

 

And I think a new cliche has been born. Showing Albus what must be done for to trust someone.

 

I knid of enjoyed the retribution in Luna's name. Can't wait to see how the pigs apologize.

 

The early chapters could have been more captivating and his portrayed character could have been "synched" better, his attitude of dealing with DEs just didn't match with the words "forgive me".

Apart from that this story, especially the latest chapter has really grabbed my attention and is probably one of the three stories that i now most eagerly await updates for. Best twist is that i see there will be several permanent porcine Ravenclaws since the main perpetrators seem too ingrained in their idiocy to contemplate a sincere apology and restitution.

 

I liked it very much, thought early chapters were completely different from new ones.

I can't wait to see more Narcy and Ravenclaw girls apologizing.

4.5/5 from me, can't wait for more

 

I very much like this story. Nice to see it mentioned here at DLP too.

I love how Harry is using the prophecy to do things like turn the bullying ravenclaws into pigs or loudly disagree with Dumbledore about Snape and still get away with it.

I would give it 4.5/5

 

The fic is compelling enough, but "Odysseus Harris"? Sounds like a poorly named OC. At least that ol' standby, "James Evans", wasn't used.

 

Yet it's actually a better name than most of them. Odysseus links to odyssey, which is a word I hope you know the definition of. And Harris refers back to Harry, a kind of self-reminder at his past name. I actually think it's a pretty damn clever name. Plus now I think LSSYCU!Harry talks like V, just cause of the name. And that, my friend, is badass.

 

No, I'm afraid I have to disagree (though having taught English, I am slightly familiar with the works of Homer :>). Odyesseus was able to go home after his exile. For better or worse, it seems that Harry is stuck in BGH's alternative universe.

With that being said, I will agree that the "badass" quotient has been upgraded in this story.

 

Odysseus from the Iliad & Odyssey was also one sly son of a bitch. The Trojan Horse was only one of many schemes he concocted for the Greeks. Plus he had the impossible mix of bad luck and outlandish survival ability that Harry seems to be cursed with. A very apt name in my opinion.