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WIP Limpieza de Sangre by TheEndless7 - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Peter North, Aug 1, 2016.

  1. TheLazyReader

    TheLazyReader Groundskeeper

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    Sorry, I thought this place was meant for stories to be reviewed, not just for people who enjoy the story and are willing to overlook all its flaws in favor of a single point they deem important to themselves.

    About Harry and Hermione, first you say it's about sex, then it's about emotional healing? Is sex really the answer to that? The author better be prepared to follow up with the repercussions of that if it happens.

    And even if you're right about Harry and Hermione trying to heal themselves or cope with whatever they're going through, my point is: does that fit in the story at all? And why are we focusing on Hermione's emotional problem when the cause has not been given at any moment in the story? I can see no reason why this side-plot is needed. There Emily is with her messed up life and circumstances, and the author could actually be focusing on Harry trying to so something about that, something the whole story has been establishing, instead he's taking a side-trip to Hermionetown (again, with no build-up) for no other reason than, I suspect, make something happen.

    As a side note, cool how you focused on the smallest point of my review.
     
  2. Miner

    Miner Order Member

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    Because not doing so would mean that Harry's a single-minded dick who doesn't care about anyone except Emily, in which case Emily would probably kick him to the curb or murder him as soon as possible.

    Part of what makes this story possible is Harry's compassion. He feels for Emily despite knowing what she did to his family. He could've gone the canon route of hating Voldemort and opposing her at every turn, but he understands her more than Dumbledore ever did. Sure, she's pretty and being a teenager certainly makes him susceptible to physical attraction, but a lot of it is based off his compassion.

    And he's clearly going to care about his best friend who was raped while he was tortured while knocked out.

    Based on what I'm seeing you seem to like minimalist stories where all you care about is the main plotline without character development beyond the main characters interactions. There's no world to build, no side plots that affect the story. It's just simple, clear-cut and dry.

    Which is fine, but it doesn't make a good story.
     
  3. TheLazyReader

    TheLazyReader Groundskeeper

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    Side-plots are relevant when they complement to the main story-line. If side-plots are good by themselves, then tell me, who shouldn't Harry go on an adventure for the next ten chapters, then come back to the main plot? Because it's stupid and adds nothing.

    You're twisting my words to paint a picture of me. Have I said character development is not important? It IS important, but it's ONLY important when it serves the main plot-line and the story that it's being told. I'll give you an example inside the very Harry Potter universe: Dumbledore is gay. He is gay, but we were never told that inside the books, it was implied maybe, but never stated. Why? Because it's not important for the story that is being told. Had the author told that inside the books she probably knew she would go on a tangent that mostly added nothing to what she was trying to tell.

    You talk as if this Hermione side-plot is building Harry's passion as one of his character's traits. Except we already know that, canon Harry is already compassionate enough, and we've seen other compassionate moments from him in this very story. So no, this Hermione thing doesn't let us know Harry is compassionate, it merely reinforces it.

    So unless this rape episode and relationship is building up for something else, I see it as nothing but the author being overly verbose. And that makes for a bad story.
     
  4. Miner

    Miner Order Member

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    It would be worse if it didn't happen. The story fundamentally would not make any sense at all had Harry literally heard about Hermione being raped and did nothing about it.

    That's not even taking into account the guilt he's feeling because he fucked up and got knocked out.
     
  5. TheLazyReader

    TheLazyReader Groundskeeper

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    I guess we'll have to wait for the next updates to see if that will have any weight.

    In the end I'll have to stand with another review I read earlier, that it would probably have been better if Voldermort was deceiving Harry all along. A romance with an actual bad guy (girl in this case) would have been really interesting to see.
     
  6. TallDarkStranger

    TallDarkStranger Fourth Year

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    Disagree with Miner and agree with TLR here. Ok, we have a ton of back story, but this is sort of like the training montages that I hated about A Cadmean Victory. They turn into fluff and there's no real progression - H and HG are sleeping a lot more, and HP seems to be having some memory issues and possibly mild possession, but where is this going?

    It really is derailing the story because Emily is now at best someone schizophrenic, at worst someone actively manipulating Harry by faking certain emotions and a complete psychopath. You can argue all you like that it's establishing compassion, but it's not furthering the plot at all, and that's one of the worst things about a lot of younger authors' stories - endless talk about feelings and not enough action.

    As TLR said before, TE7 is really good at slice of life low pressure fics. Intense action or cresting and falling emotional issues are not his forte.
     
  7. Miner

    Miner Order Member

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    I don't really understand how you can look at these past few chapters or so and tell me that there hasn't been any progression.

    Like, I'm fairly sure there's been more progression in the past few chapters than there has been since.. Christmas.
     
  8. A Lizard By

    A Lizard By Any Other Name

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    I'd say it mostly depends on how you define progression. The Emilymort plot line hasn't really gone anywhere. We had some revelations with the diary that we pretty much knew already, but other than that not much else. If you're defining progression as Harry's relationship with Hermione, then sure, that's definitely moving along.

    I think most of us are disappointed in the lack of progress on the front we might care about, and frustrated with the progress in the other direction. I said it before, I feel like the author doesn't actually like Hermione. He writes her as a character we're supposed to feel sympathetic toward, but she comes off as abrasive and annoying right up until the moment she crawls into Harry's bed again because, presumably, she just can't handle her inner demons anymore, despite the fact that they are rarely mentioned. I can't help but feel like the entire thing with Hermione is just for drama's sake, to really rile up the reader before the finale or something.

    I honestly just want to read about Emily and Harry, and could not care less about the doomed romance between Harry and Hermione. Personal bias? Maybe.
     
  9. TheLazyReader

    TheLazyReader Groundskeeper

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    New update. I'm sad to say we've reached a new low with the Snape scene. Completely atrocious.

    On the other hand, Emily rescuing Harry from the ministry, in contrast with the books, was a nice touch, and things should get more interesting now that they're together again.
     
  10. odonata201

    odonata201 Squib

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    I seem to be in the minority here as I think this story is one of the better ones out there. TE7 has introduced a number of interesting plot points (the killing of the Riddles, the Grindelwald affair, the reasoning for the attack on the Potters, how Snape has figured into the story, Dumbledore's scheming, the genesis of her antipathy towards 'Muggles,' etc.) The interaction between Harry and Hermione strikes me as an interesting response to Hermione's near rape given Harry's role as one of the few people in the castle that she can trust and his actions in attempting to defend her. In short, rather than rehashing the same plot points, TE7 is repurposing them in what I think is a very interesting and fresh direction. As a consequence, Voldy has become something more than a cardboard super villain and Harry now faces more of a choice in choosing whether to struggle against Riddle or join her. Surely that is an improvement over canon Harry's knee-jerk response to oppose Riddle?
     
  11. A Lizard By

    A Lizard By Any Other Name

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    I am quite enjoying the story though it's mostly a guilty pleasure at this point.

    That Snape scene was hilariously bad. It would have been better and more believable if he had planted himself in the ground and transfigured into a root vegetable.
     
  12. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Banned

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    "canon Harry's knee-jerk response to oppose Riddle"

    Wtf ?
     
  13. iamnotreal

    iamnotreal Second Year

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    This fic has taken a shot of high grade crack recently. Last few chapters have been appallingly out of context to me. All these bizarre plot points that literally sprung from no where.
     
  14. TheLazyReader

    TheLazyReader Groundskeeper

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    You never heard of Poland's knee-jerk response to oppose Hittler?
     
  15. Jester

    Jester Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Another update. This story is weird. I don't think I'm super into it but I've read all of it and it's passable guilty pleasure territory.

    I'm interested in this Voldemort.
     
  16. theimmortalhp

    theimmortalhp Third Year

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    Yeah, so that was a really odd chapter that came close to answering, but didn't really answer, a lot of questions. The ending was pretty designed to be a cliffhanger, but if you think about it a little bit it kind of loses its power.
    Even though Voldemort is "dead" she should still have horcruxes right? One of her followers (Avery?) just brings her back, and the entire world thinks she's dead again. Gives her a great opportunity to go back undercover.
     
  17. MrBucket

    MrBucket Fifth Year

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    Did I miss something? She still has her Horcruxes, doesn't she? So she isn't really dead. Shouldn't Harry realize that? Did it never really cross his mind that she was playing her? I don't even believe she was, but he seemed so surprised.
     
  18. Dresden11

    Dresden11 Fifth Year

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    I dislike how many of the stories that have a 'good' Voldemort always nerf him/her. Voldemort won within a year of revealing himself to the world the 2nd time he came back, and he was on the verge of victory before Harry/Lily took him out the first time. Voldemort was winning with seeming ease. Yet all these stories that want to make Voldemort a leading character always make him lose. How many stories are out there where Voldemort adopts Harry or some such storyline and then, inexplicably, decides to wait 10+ years before attacking the Ministry. Its just awful writing. A good story can still include a 'good' Voldemort who has taken over the Ministry. International politics where Britain is ruled by a Dark Lord would be very interesting to me. Just a pet peeve of mine.
     
  19. A Lizard By

    A Lizard By Any Other Name

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    I'm pretty sure she still has some Horcruxes. I would be quite annoyed if their relationship ended like this as it would be a terrible waste of all that build up. It doesn't seem like the author is ready to end the story here, but we'll see.

    Also, Harry was under the Imperio and forced to kill his crush/friend so I can forgive him for not realizing she might not be totally dead.
     
  20. Miner

    Miner Order Member

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    What a terribly tragic end to the Harry/Emily shipping.

    Now if only he hadn't written more.
     
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