"Bring me your Potions textbook, Potter!" commanded Snape, glaring at Harry quite furiously.

Harry's eyes widened. "Err...what?"

"Bring me your book, you imbecile!" Snape snarled, having lost his patience many years ago.

"What," snorted Harry, leaning on the sink, casting an interested glance at Malfoy's paling face, "you don't remember how to mix up a healing potion? And here I was thinking you were a...teacher."



"Harry, it is imperative that you retrieve the real memory from Professor Slughorn. We must know what he told Tom about Horcruxes."

Harry stared at Dumbledore in irritation. Dumbledore simply smiled back placidly.

"Excuse my impertinence," he drawled, leaning back in his chair, "but I was under the impression-" and here he shot to his feet, towering above Dumbledore, "-that it DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SLUGHORN TOLD HIM!"

The portraits on the walls began murmuring nasty little epithets, causing Harry to glare at them. Phineus Nigellus raised an eyebrow tauntingly, only to dart out fo the frame as one of Dumbledore's little trinkets smashed into the portrait at high speed. He popped back in to stick his tongue out, but thought better of it when he saw Harry holding his wand.

Dumbledore steepled his fingers. "Harry, we need to know what it says."

"I believe," Harry continued, as if Dumbledore had never spoken, "that the fact remains that Voldemort has Horcruxes. What Slughorn said to him is irrelevant now. Now stop dithering, and teach me how to destroy them, you imbecile!"

Dumbledore goggled at him. "Huh...I never thought of that."



My shitty little contribution.

 

"Whip me, Mistress Winky!" screamed Dobby. "Whip Dobby till his bum bleeds!"

"Dobby's wish is Mistress Winky's command," replied the leather clad house elf.

 

...Winky...whips....Dobby...House-elves...l
Excuse me, I've got to go have my head cut open so I canl just scrub that mental image from my mind....nice-one! Anybody who can do that to me deserves a round of applause...and a certificate!

I can't think of anything specific at the moment, but my one would be something like


"....just until it sinks in." Umbridge finished sweetly.

Harry pressed the quill down on the parchment and started writing. When he felt the burning sensation on the back of his hand and the blood trailing from the quill, he snapped.

"Just sinks in, eh?" He murmured and stood up. He snapped the quill in and placed it on the desk.

Umbridge looked furious as Harry raised his wand.

"Tell me Umbridge, Crucio!" He said and Umbridge croaked and screamed in agony. "Tell me, is this sinking in, bitch?"

 

hope someone writes a PWP about Dobby and Winky


"Welcome to Defence against the Dark Arts." Snape said as he stalked into the room.

"No thank you, sir." Harry said as he stood up and grabbed his things. "With you as our teacher so is it clear that we will never learn anything so I wont be taking this class." Harry told Snape as he walked out the door.

 

"Well, good afternoon!" Professor umbridge said when she entered the defense against the dark arts classroom.

A few people mumbled 'good afternoon' quitely but mostly remained silent.

"Tut, tut" said professor umbridge, "that won't do will it? I should like you, please, to reply 'Good afternoon, progessor umbridge.' Again please, good afternoon class!"

Harry sighed and looked around the room, calling loudly, "does anyone happen to have a shotgun nearby? No? No one? Damn..."

 

"Well, if it isn't Weasel and Potter, the poorest family in the world, and the closest to Hades." Malfoy spoke with distain, a large smirk on his face as he stoppped in front of the trio.

Harry looked at his friends and nodded his head before turning towards Malfoy, "Yo mama's so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth." Harry said calmly before looking at Ron, who opened his mouth with a hidden smile,

"Yo mama's is so ugly she went into a Haunted House and came out with a job application." Ron said before looking towards Hermione

"Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics." When Hermione finished, they calmly walked away, leaving a stupefied Draco Malfoy.

"He didn't know who he was dealing with!" Harry yelled in triumph as soon as they rounded the corner.

well...that was my pitiful attempt.

 

"....just until it sinks in." Umbridge finished sweetly.

Harry wrote a line and gasped as his hand began to burn. He stood, taking the quill with him and stood in front of Umbridge's desk.

" Yes, Mr.Potter?" she asked mockingly.

" I was just wondering Professor, how long will it take to...sink in?"Harry said sweetly as his hand whipped out and stabbed Umbridge in the eye with the damned quill.

 

"The power he knows not is love?"

"yes harry it is"

"Oh crap we're dead"

 

"....just until it sinks in." Umbridge finished sweetly.

Harry stared at her, before placing the quill calmly on the desk and taking a step forward.

"Wha-" Umbridge was cut off as Harry drop-kicked her in the cunt and gave her a stone-cold stunner.

Edit: Also, you can copy and paste that line somewhere under 'Ginny stuck her elbow in the butter dish'.

Just edit your original post instead of posting again. It's not that hard.

-Dark Syaoran

PS: I nearly had a hernia from laughing so hard at invisioning Harry giving her the stunner. Good work.

 

Thankyou, thankyou, dark, sorry about that.

One can only wonder how much awesome-er it would be if Snape had been going commando when James flipped him upside down.

 

Long live Pinky and the Brain!

I couldn't keep them out of my first fic:

But lines I want to see in HP? Hmm...

"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. Then again to a mind muddled enough to find Miss Weasley attractive death would probably a welcome release."

Meh. I'm not feeling very creative at the moment.

 

"I now pronouce you Mrs. Ginny Potter and Mr. Harry Potter"

Mrs. Weasley leans over to Mr. Weasley

"heh so i guess he really wasn't able to shake off the imperious curse"

 

"You better listen to me, Mr.Potter, or I show you power of my Bat-Bogey Hex!" said Ginny.

Harry raised incredulous eyebrow.

"Bates Mocos!" yelled Ginny pointing her wand at Harry.

Harry lazily waved his wand, deflecting hex.

Ginny opened her mouth againg, but Harry snapped his wand at her, and with loud bang, Ginny was launched into an air with cannon-like force. With sickening sound she crashed into a wall and slid to the floor, unmoving.

Harry shrugged and walked out of the room.

 

How Dumbledore SHOULD fight the war:

Draco: You don't know what I'm capable of! You don't know what I've done!

Dumbledore: Advada Kedavera!

 

Draco: Well, I can certainly see why we're trying to keep them alive. Who wouldn't want pets that can burn, sting, and bite all at once?

Harry: Can't be as bad as having you for a son.


"I'm the new Slytherin Seeker, Weasley. Everyone's just been admiring the brooms my father's bought our team."
"But don't you only need the locker room to... umm break in your broomsticks," Harry asked innocently.

 

"I've killed your mother, your father, your godfather, and your precious Dumbledore. I've become the most powerful wizard in the world. What do you have to say to that, Potter?" Voldemort sneered.

Harry paused, as if thinking. "You're old and you have a little penis."

 

Actually, that might not be such a good idea. ^

It might make Voldemort want to whip it out.

 

*snickers* well, that'd make it all the better, then Harry could just send a blasting hex. We've gone from breaking Voldemorts wand to his Wang. *snickers*

 

We should post these on FF.net. Some of them are pretty funny.

Edit: Sorry wrong thread.