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WIP Lionheart by greenTeacup - T

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by hobbesian, Apr 23, 2023.

  1. dudeler

    dudeler High Inquisitor

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    I was sceptical at first, but this fic is actually decent. A bit on the cracky side, I laughed out loud a couple of times.

    So I'd give it a 4/5 for the time of being. But I am only 13 chapters in, so that might change with time.
     
  2. WierdFoodStuff

    WierdFoodStuff Slug Club Member

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    It's not great.
    That being said, I will start with the fic's greatest quality:
    The writing:

    Incredibly well written, I have no complaints whatsoever with the writing really. Some lines are so excellent that they left me astonished, and I had to reread them with a big grin on my face.

    The plot:
    To be frank there isn't much of a plot to criticize, what we get is a canon rehash of the (second) highest order, there is slight difference at time, solely due to Draco being present but there are no new ideas or variations.
    It can be forgiven as this is a romance fic, and one might argue the plot is only here as a vehicle for emotional beats.
    The one thing I thought interesting,
    Lupin attacking Daphne
    is quickly done away with, we see the latter's reaction but not the former, as a result it loses much of its oomph, especially after some excellent dialogue by Snape which raised my hopes only for the rest of the story to dash them.
    Speaking of:

    The dialogue:
    The dialogue starts off great, it's original, the comedic lines made me laugh out loud several times and the serious ones have great weight to them. But by the year 4 and onwards I believe it loses some of its luster, it becomes too quippy and snappy: at times it feels lifted out out of a Marvel movie or series.
    Still, overall? It's really good, well written, stays true to the characters.

    The characters:
    Draco, being the protagonist of this story, is very well written. His gradual changes are believable, especially with the different than canon backstory. I don't really have any complaints here.
    He's witty, wryly funny etc etc
    Hermione is annoying, self righteous to the max, so convinced that she's right, it'd be fine in smaller doses but since Draco is (unrealistically) besotted with her we get a front seat to her most annoying quality.
    It gets very tedious at times, especially when none of the other characters call her out on it, or when Draco is still so madly in love with her.
    Harry and Ron: They're great, side characters but their portrayals and most importantly bromance, are well written
    Harry is a bit flanderized by book 4/GoF's arc. We're told that Harry ;who masters the patronus charm and many other spells in canon so rapidly, is now unable to concentrate enough on the bubblecharm, this annoyed me quite a bit.
    I enjoyed Ron a lot, well written, with well defined qualities and insecurities, he grows past some of them, and then he's still struggling with the rest.

    The romance:
    Don't have anything bad to say about the slow, but well written budding romance between Draco and Hermione, he could probably do better but that's my personal opinion :v

    Overall it's worth reading, but I was a bit disappointed that it squanders some of its potential to be truly great.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2023
  3. Drachna

    Drachna Professor

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    I'm only a few chapters in, but I think it's quite good so far. Characterisation and character voices are excellent, the writing is excellent, the world building is... decent I would say, but there does seem to be a bit more tell than show. I'll give it a proper rating and edit this review with my more in depth thoughts if and when I finish it, but for now I'd be leaning towards a 4-5/5.
     
  4. Rubicon

    Rubicon High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    It’s really too bad this isn’t a Draco/Daphne story instead, because she is very well written. My suspension of disbelief is shaken every time he thinks about how Daphne isn’t his type.
     
  5. Bernd

    Bernd First Year

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    I would move this fic from "meh" to "good" if Draco's romantic love interest character arc had him move on from Hermione to Werewolf!Daphne.

    I did not think his character, as presented in the fic, was much compatible with the fic's Hermione. The hot and cold was reminiscent to the relationship of Canon Hermione and Canon Ron. In fact, the way the story presented his attraction to her seemed like All Tell, No Show. His internal monologue moments would remark on her physical attractiveness and how he liked her physical presence as the basis for his feelings for her, but how we actually see them interact in the story is endless arguments and moral grandstanding.

    It was stressful reading their "relationship".

    I went back and read some AU's that had Slytherin/Gryffindor romance subplots, and yep, this fic does not set it up that well. If I as the reader come away from a shipping fanfic wondering what the hell the two supposed lovebirds see in each other, and that they are better off as platonic friends, then the romance is not well done at all.
     
  6. Lamora

    Lamora Definitely Not Batman ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Honestly, I'm mostly excited by the shape of the Ron and Daphne pairing that seems to be shaping up on the sidelines.

    And of course the relationship is stressful - if it just came together like clockwork, it would be a: unsatisfying given the character conflicts, b: boring to read.
     
  7. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Question - what is this fic's treatment of Harry?

    I am prepared to read Draco-centric. And even prepared to read Draco/Hermione.

    But not if Draco is turned into such an important figure that he begins to displace Harry as the central figure of the war with Voldemort.

    Draco can be the hero of his own story, but he should not be the hero of the war, which is Harry's role.

    So is Harry depicted as powerful and important and Draco's story ancillary to his? Or does Draco displace Harry?
     
  8. Lamora

    Lamora Definitely Not Batman ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I would say that Harry retains his central position to the overarching plot rather handily. My general impression is that Draco's POV is one that feels realistic enough for a universe where his father was executed despite his loyalty to the cause and he's close friends with the archenemy of said cause. Draco certainly exercises his talents and birthright to help Harry, but it's much more the feeling of being dragged along in a protagonist's wake than displacing the protagonist.

    If there's any stuff that I would say might feel like it 'displaces Harry' - Draco is much more highly motivated academically and magically, and most of the combat scenes in the story have been him - because it is his POV, not because Harry isn't also fighting for his life off screen. I don't find it unrealistic for a much more hunted, insecure Draco with a widowed Narcissa as a primary caretaker.

    If there's parts I find mildly off-putting about Harry's treatment, there's definitely some woobying and some very oblique reference to growing up in an abusive household. But again, in a universe where Draco Malfoy is missing as an antagonistic force, I don't find some softening as unrealistic - and it happens without taking away Harry's core personality of jumping absolute face-first into peril for his friends.
     
  9. fire

    fire Order Member

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    The new arc is coming out, and it's very enjoyable so far. I will say that we've probably milked the will-they-won't they with Draco and Hermione enough, and will need a resolution soon before the angst gets stale.
     
  10. Quiddity

    Quiddity Squib ~ Prestige ~

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    This story has been in review board for almost a year, has a decent number of votes given the state of the forum, and has a number of decent reviews. Time for the library.

    While Draco doesn't replace Harry in the war, he's clearly the second most important character after Harry and (partly but not only because of his point of view) he tends to be the one that we see driving the action - helping Harry with solutions to tasks, for instance.
     
  11. Lamora

    Lamora Definitely Not Batman ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Unfortunately, I'm forced to be the bearer of bad news - the author's tumblr just got deleted about 3 weeks after when she said she was going to have a chapter out. Would probably be prudent to consider this on indefinite hiatus if not abandoned.

    EDIT: Looks like I was wrong, my bad.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2024
  12. fire

    fire Order Member

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    That's really unfortunate. Was puzzled over the unexplained delay in the otherwise regular friday updates - hope nothing too bad has happened IRL to the author.

    Anyway, we all know good HP fanfic is customarily never completed anyway.

    Edit: Still seems up? https://greenerteacups.tumblr.com/
     
  13. Crash

    Crash Fourth Year

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    They typically have a good chunk of a "book" written before they start posting it, so having material prepared shouldn't be an issue. Hope the author is alright.
     
  14. Wyatt Axford

    Wyatt Axford Second Year

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    There is a lot to love with this fic. The quality of writing is consistently good. Banter between the Golden Quartet is very fun. Draco's character growth is handled in a natural way. So many moments to love.

    Draco calling Hermione a mudblood and going to Snape to ask for advice is mined for some nice juicy drama drawing parallels to Snape and Lily.

    Minerva giving Harry the quidditch broom is very sweet.

    Ron's characterization is spectacular; brings out his best characteristics and gives them moments to shine.

    Side characters are really elevated with Daphne Greengrass being standout, and even the small glimpses of Cho Chang make me like her.

    That being said - I cannot stand Harry's characterization in this fic.

    During 4th year when the Golden Quartet get in a fight, he tries to play peace keeper and says - paraphrasing but intent is the same - "can't handle the yelling because that's how he was treated by the Dursley's". The woobying is severe in this fic.

    The absolute worst moment is in 3rd year when
    Remus in werewolf form takes a bite out of Daphne, Harry feels bad for Remus? A classmate gets a chunk of her face bitten off and he feels bad for the werewolf?
    What a joke. The author seems to think Harry had a tendency for the broken and down trodden, when in canon when he first met Dobby, Harry thought he was an absolute loon and hated him and still thought he was weird from time to time.

    All of his hero moments in canon have been removed. With the changes to 2nd years plot he doesn't get to fight and kill the basilisk. 3rd year while Harry does learn Expecto Patronum - Draco and Ron also learn it - with Ron being able to cast it almost immediately as soon as Harry describes it to him, which takes away from Harry's feat. Hermione and Draco drug the dragon he fights against in the Triwizard tournament. Which, again, takes away from his feat.

    Harry never gets a moment to illustrate why he's a step above his peers like he does in canon. When characters are asking each other out to the Yule ball Harry gets a bunch of inquiries because he's a "hero" and all I could think is "When did he become a hero?". To people who think Harry isn't being sidelined, what story are you reading?

    That being said, I've still read 500k words of this fic for a reason. The good outweighs the bad. Overall 3.5 leaning more to a 4 than a 3.
     
  15. AgentSatan

    AgentSatan Third Year

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    tbf the author changed their username from greenerteacups to greenteacups so I can see the confusion
     
  16. Bernd

    Bernd First Year

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    This is basically my issue with the fic plot + the romance subplot that isn't selling me on it. It builds from Tell, Don't Show expositional characterization to develop the characters without giving them the substance to back it, compared to a Show, Don't Tell storytelling format. It's beautifully written, I give you, but that only serves as a fancy packaging to distract from the hollow gift box.

    Draco's narration telling us, over and over, that he's attracted to Hermione and needs to do everything to stay in her good graces so he won't be forced to live a life without her. While Hermione's character, as depicted by plot contribution and the story itself, honestly doesn't give much substantive material, at least in my view, as to why she is romance material, a tier above and beyond good platonic friends.

    An example of the "Authorial Halo effect" from Narcissa's narration:

    Chapter 31

    The secondary character is telling us that the protagonist is so hot and charismatic, instead of showing this or building it up in the story to differentiate it from how Draco's character is presented in canon. But it's just dropped in there with no buildup. He is hot and charismatic because he was born like that.

    It feels cheap because Draco's character certainly isn't this in the books, a smug, spoiled little prat who isn't smooth like Tom Riddle because he doesn't need to be, since his money does the talking. A canon divergence AU should sell that difference to me, that character growth, instead of re-writing his character with a Name Only Leather Pants'ed version of Draco Malfoy. This is a character-centric fic, given it can't be a plot-centric one with the inexplicable railroading of the stations of canon, so the characters have to be excellent. Flawed is fine, but give them substance!

    Pretty prose, though.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2024
  17. AgentSatan

    AgentSatan Third Year

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    New chapter and it’s the strongest one yet imo
     
  18. fire

    fire Order Member

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    We are back, boys.
     
  19. AgentSatan

    AgentSatan Third Year

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    This last chapter (the miseducation of hermione granger) is brilliant.
     
  20. fire

    fire Order Member

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    Finally.