Goddamnit!
I was doing Just Fine 'til you said that. Now I've got to go take a shower. And possibly boil myself.

 

You could easily get lost inside.......

 

The longer I hang out on this forum the more I wonder if there actually is a limit to anything.

I was just trying to point out that it would be hardly pleasurable to both parties whe you're having sex with someone who's about 5 times your size (I'm assuming)

Also, what kind of giant falls in love with a normal wizard....then has sex?

 

Again probably a very strange sexual fetish. Espicially considering how Giants are very violent.

Well, at least she probably didn't forget to bring the chains and whips.
That would have been fun to watch. "Smack," "Smack."

 

I'll use this as a nice segway into my first short story published on DLP. There was a forum of a fangirl's version of the DH epilogue, which Tehan referred to as "performance art"; I consider this piece of writing to fall in the same vein. So, without further stalling:

Spells
by Justblaise



Ch. 1:
In Which Hagrid, Sr., Prepares Himself Before Intimacy With the Giantess, Fridwulfa
​

"Engorgio !"




Fin.
​

 

Ah, that explains so much. Though I wonder what would happen if the spell wears off while she's giving head? As Giants are known for being violent, and its such a puny little thing....." SNAPS OFF"

 

Did Fridwulfa even speak good english? Why'd she hang around for 9 months to give birth and let the tiny little wizard keep it?

 

Maybe he got lost in that gaping hole, and came out with the baby?
Seriously though, it doesn't make any sense that she gave up the baby. Perhaps he just apparated in and stole the baby from her? If he had a sexual fetish for giants, it doesn't mean that he has to love her. He could easily take the baby and run, without caring about Fridwulfa's welfare.

 

You know that men with too large dicks are in danger of dropping unconscious every time they get an erection?
A penis large enough to please a giantess would mean certain death because of blood loss (if you can call it that).
I won't even get into what the shifted weight would do to your back...

 

Hagrid's father was camping and got lost in the mountains. He found a surpisengly warm cave and snuggled up for the night. Before he went to sleep he had a wank.
~fin~

If Harry was the true owner of the elder wand since he disarmed Draco, I would have though tthat Voldemorts AK in the forest would have transfered ownership to him.

 

I've got it!
If Hagrid's father has a house-elf, then he can use house-elf magic to ... give the spells a little [ahem] boost.

 

I don't remember where I heard it, but I think someone said that since Harry let Voldemort kill him, he was never truely defeated. Or something like that.

 

That's bullshit, Dumbledore wasn't exactly in top shape when Malfoy disarmed him. He knew what was going to happen.

 

No that wouldn't work since Voldemort never defeated him. Harry lived, and so the ownership of the wand stayed with him. The power of LURVE defeats all!

If Voldemort disarmed Harry, then yes the ownership would have transferred to him. However he used the AK. As the Avada Kedavra curse is designed to kill, Voldemort only would have gotten the wand if Harry died.

It all depends on the spell used, and what exactly counts as defeating someone. If a disarming charm was used successfully, then the ownership of the wand would be passed to the owner, as the spell worked successfully and the person defeated the previous owner.

However when Voldemort cast the killing curse at Harry, the spell didn't work as Harry was still alive. Thus, the ownership of the wand stayed with Harry.

 

There is no provision for the Sorting Hat to inform the Headmaster that one of the children is already a psycho. As I remember, Tom had mentally tortured at least two children before he started at Hogwarts, and had murdered some animals. I *think* he had already killed (caused a fatal accident) one kid.
Unless the Hat is nothing more than a tool (no more conscious than litmus paper,) it would be able to realize that eleven-year-old Riddle is a serious threat to other students. It seems to be able to have a conversation with Harry, which implies intelligence. It's inconceivable that Dumbledore (and probably the Heads of House) wouldn't debrief the Hat on the first night, looking for problem children. Mental instability on this scale should show up.
Why would the Sorting Hat not have this ability as well as the ability to report the problem?

 

Maybe Riddle was a superpowered occlumens at this age, who could block the evil sorting hat access to his mind?

I truly don't know, it's mind boggling to think of all the plot holes JK caused.

 

Time to move this thread to S and P.

Yet another plothole:

Why did the fake Moody make the Portkey two-way in GoF? The ones to take people to the World Cup could only go one way, so all Portkeys can't be two-way. Yet fake Moody still gave Harry the opportunity to leave the graveyard, even though he was expected to die there.

 

Now there's something I've never considered. I'll leave it up to the Deus Ex Machina, because Harry needs to survive by dumb luck rather than any skill.

Sorry about the Maths, guys. Fuck I hated that class.

 

Lol. Don't ruin the spirit of my short story, damn it!

But if you really want to go there, and wrangle out the details of a joke posting, fine:


Hagrid, Sr. placed the giantess under a compulsion/Imperius spell. Many, obviously, since giants have resistance to certain spells blah blah blah. End result is she was horny and ready to phuck.

Hagrid, Sr. then placed a crapload of cushioning charms on the ground, and covered every part of his body, except the diameter of his soon-to-be-enlarged dick, in dragonhide.

Hagrid, Sr. then got out his wand; you already know what spell he cast first. He then cast a Levitation charm to support his beanstalk-like phallus. he regretted not being able to petrify it, but the first time he and Fridwulfa got busy, he couldn't climax due to a lack of sensation.

(The giantess, however, proved to be insatiable. It had been a long week.)

Afterwards, he proceeded to lie down on the cushioned area, and made sure he had the IV tube feeding a steady supply of Skele-Gro throughout his body ready to go. The compulsion charms would keep Fridwulfa from getting TOO enthusiastic, but it's always good to be prepared - Hagrids were known for their intelligence, after all.

He then laid down, and as Fridwulfa prepared to mount him, he stuck the long tube connected to a large cauldron ( exceeding regulated bottom-thickness) of Blood Replenishing potion in his mouth.

There. Explain'd.

I would say that Voldemort planned to send Harry's dead body back, and announce his return of terruh and fee-uh.

 

Blaise...that is fucked