Me want snu snu.

 

- Do wizards go to hair salons or barber shops?

- Is there a Head Student Suite? Was Harry conceived there?

- Did Parvati or Lavender ever put the moves on Firenze?

- What's the Wizarding equivalent of hipster clothing ?

- What happens if you try casting the portkey spell on a person?

- If you gave someone a De-Aging potion, then took one of their hairs for Polyjuice, which age would you be?

- Why is Filch the caretaker, instead of someone who can clean with magic?

- Could you ask the Room of Requirement for a room that tells you exactly how the Room of Requirement works?

- What would a Wizarding tv network be like?

- Does Gringotts give out loans?

- Did centaurs rape Dolores Umbridge?

 

Yes.

...

Sorry, my mistake. I just confused books with some r34 images I once saw.

But the Wizarding equivalent of hipster clothing is probably ancient roman clothing.

 

LOL, but really! Did he?

When you think about it, it sort of makes sense...

What does a Goblins plumming look like? Vagina dentata? Baculum?

 

Are there female goblins? How can you tell them apart? What does the male find attractive in the female?

How do Hags get born?

Given the incidence of twins during Harry's tenure at Hogwarts, is fertility charms/potions use on the rise?

Do they put an anti-pregnancy elixir in the pumpkin juice?

If the movie-based school uniforms aren't canon, what exactly are they supposed to be wearing underneath their school robes? Would Umbridge institute a rule to regulate that? (and can you imagine the inspection for compliance...)

If the floo spins you around, Portkeys throw you to the ground and Apparition squeezes you through a wormhole, how exactly are the gravely injured safely transported to St. Mungo's? Is there a medical exception for flying carpet use?

Rejoinder to a previous lolwut: cat * cat animagus = kneazle? (Is Mrs. Norris' maiden name McGonagall?)

Did Hermione choose Crookshanks due to an affinity left over from the Polyjuice mishap? (Seems she has a thing for redheads...)


Late Edit: Why is Merlin famous? He didn't unite Britain, he didn't invent wands or create the Memory charm or find out the twelve uses for dragon's blood, nor did he discover a means to be eternally young and rich. So why do they all praise him so highly?

 

Because hes motherfucking MERLIN.

 

Because he lived to five hundred years old, walked into Hogwarts demanding to be sorted and was. He then proceeded to spend seven years creeping out children.

 

How do house elves reproduce?

How could Harry find Ginny attractive?

Before Muggles invented steam train and built King's Cross, how did Hogwarts students go to school?

If metamorphmagus having sex while he/she's in his/her opposite gender form, can he/she produce child?

Do anyone ever read a fic about Fem!Merlin? (No kidding. I've watched this particular anime about Fem!Arthur, and it's very popular)

 

Similarly, if you De-Age someone more years than his current age, what happens? If you time it right, could you get a half-developed fetus? Or a sperm?
Or, alternatively, what about Aging potion? Does your body get infinitely old, or do you die at some point after taking a potion that amounts to 400 years?

 

Can I polyjuice into padfoot?
Moony?

 

You can't be sirius.

 

- Has there ever been a goldfish animagus? Did that person hate themself?

- Was the Venomous Tentacula the inspiration for tentacle rape hentai?

- Who does a lesbian Veela affect?

- Since Voldemort never had a Gringotts vault, what was the most cash he ever had? His net worth ?

- What would happen if a Ra'em drank Ra'em blood? A unicorn drank unicorn's blood? A Phoenix drank the Elixir of Life?

 

- How does one determine animagus form?

 

Let that pun DIE already! :s

 

He was too busy suffocating. Remember- friends don't let friends self-transfigure alone.

Counter-question: if you die in animagus form, do you revert to a human? If not, does your ghost look like the animal form?

(You'd think this question is dumb, but in canon Mrs. Crouch took Polyjuice to replace her son in Azkaban due to her terminal illness, and was later buried as him- she never changed back.)

Is it of Japanese origin? Did Sam Raimi barely escape one before writing Evil Dead?

Silly man; all Veela are bi. The question is how the Bulgarian team ever gets around to practicing if those are their cheerleaders. Corollary: is Krum very very gay, and was merely using Hermione as a groupie shield? Did he assume she was a lesbian because she wasn't fawning over him?

 

Could Alastor Moody's magical eye see through clothing as well as invisibility cloaks and the back of his head? Was that the real reason Crouch Jr stayed on as DADA teacher for nearly an entire year?

 

Given the DADA curse, would he have died of coronary failure from watching Fleur and her friends seeking solace together in the Beauxbatons carriage if he hadn't been caught post-Tournament?

 

Probably half of the medical questions have been answered by the Unspeakables in the Department of Mysteries. And if not, then we have an awesome plots for awesome crack fics

 

I would love to see a series in a vein similar to Big D's 'Slytherin Potter', but the unspeakables/DE's/Hermione & Luna (same thing we do every night Hermione...) working with the ideas shown here...

 

I knew a girl who *spoke* French Parselmouth back in college. We understood each other perfectly.

True story: When I was a kid, I couldn't see any reason why, should you find yourself in a falling elevator about to crash into the ground, you couldn't just step out at the last second. Just walk right out of that thing as it flattened out behind you.

I guess too many cartoons, whatever, but yeah, that seemed perfectly plausible to me, and I distinctly remember having a conversation with my best friend about it, and grudgingly allowing, "well, yeah, you'd have to time it right, but that doesn't seem too hard."

As an aside, science and becoming acquainted with the laws of nature *really* put a damper on my enjoyment of comic books and the like. It was hard to get into Superman, The Flash, Spider-Man and The X-Men once I had things like the Second Law of Thermodynamics and Conservation of Energy rattling around my melon. >:-<

That's what happened behind the scenes recently in Renegade Cause.

Who says he doesn't? That may be one of the things that pissed off those Centaurs back in PS. Maybe Bane likes his weed un-tampered-with.

I was going to say that all pubic hair has an allure, but, well, only some of it does.

Yes, that was quite enough.

Yes.

Me, for one, and I'm not really concerned about who else is affected.

Mad Unicorn Disease, of course.

I'm guessing old Alastor could've gotten a new eye at any time, but was too busy perving to be bother.

I'm not clear on what "headcanon" is, but if it's "what you envision to be the way things transpired," then in *my* headcanon, Hagrid Senior ended up being used by Mama Hagrid as an unfortunate but nonetheless effective self-propelled dildo. Eventually tiring of the struggle to escape, Papa Hagrid said, "Ah, fuck it," and proceeded to toss one off while he was being sort-of raped.

In a strange and hilarious turn of events, it was the recounting of this tale by Hagrid to a young and lonely Severus Snape which resulted in the invention of the Levicorpus spell. Thinking it was simply brill, young Sev showed the spell to Hagrid and his erstwhile friend Lily Evans, to the abject horror of both.

It was actually James Potter's use of this spell in that fateful Fifth Year memory - and not the "mudblood" comment - which was the final straw between Sev and Lils, as Snape realized Lily was going behind his back and teaching his spells to those goddamned Marauders, the fucking whore.