Malaga's Challenge #3

Dudley was a large child, even from in the womb, and Petunia was a small woman. It was invariable there would be complications, and the doctors advised a ceasarian. Petunia and Vernon were traditional people though, and wanted to do this the old fashioned way.

Both the baby and Petunia were healthy after the birth, but the Dursleys were crushed to learn they could have no more children. They had dreamed for many years of having two children, either a girl and a boy, one for each parent to spoil, or two boys, a heir and a spare as Vernon used to say.

When baby Harry was dropped on their doorstep a year later they saw their chance. Harry would be their spare. He wouldn't be quite so coddled as their Dudley, after all, Dudley would follow in Vernon's footsteps while Harry would do the traditional thing and go into the army, and they certainly wouldn't spoil him there!

At age eight, Harry was enrolled in the Queen Victoria School which specialised in training boys who were bound for the army, and produced more officers than anywhere else. Harry was kept at peak physical condition, as well as particpating in the school rifle team, and in Tae Kwon Do. All in all, he was a well adjusted, well rounded eight year old.

At age 11, Harold Dursley was at a friend's house when a certain letter arrived at the Dursley residence. Vernon destroyed it, and several others, before admitting defeat and giving one to Harry. Harry believed it to be a hoax, and so ignored it, and went on with his daily routine.

Once read by Harry, the letters stopped coming, and he went back to military school none the wiser. Dumbledore doesn't realise he isn't coming until the last minute, when he comes around to the Dursley home. They are uncooperative, but Albus learns where Harry has been placed. He attempts to take Harry, but is stopped by the large amounts of military personal on grounds.

Frustrated, Dumbledore continues to try, bringing in several other teachers to assist. The military however also call in magical backup (Special Ops) and aren't budging. Harry is seen as the target of a kidnapping ring, and though noone is sure why, Harry is taken to a very secure area.

From there, his soldier body guards show him a few tricks, and Harry is so bored he picks up millitary training incredibly fast, having the added motivation of Dumbledore or others attempting to get him every few months. When he turns 17, and the attempts to kidnap him have ceased for 6 months he is no longer a "high risk individual" and is allowed to go back home to his family. Dumbledore detects this and takes him to Hogwarts.

Harry isn't so keen, having learnt for a while that this man is evil, and tries to escape several times. He is trapped in the Hogwarts wards, creating even more resentment, then expected to be the saviour everyone is looking for against Voldemort.

Rules:

-Harry must have up-to-date knowledge of military technology.
-The soldiers must think the wizards just have special gadgets, and Harry must think it is all fake too in the beginning.
-No relationships with Ginny. At all. She died in the Chamber her First Year.
-Harry must hate all the staff who tried to get him.

 

Interesting... the plot itself has merit, if only for originality. Would the majority of the story be on Harry learning all of the military techniques, or would it be on Harry at Hogwarts?

 

What's the goal of the story, though? The beginning is good but it has no end to work towards. Harry trying to find a way to leave his kidnappers is not a plot, but just filler.

And while it sounds interesting, I am not a big fan of the idea of gun > magic. Harry Potter is about magic and the story loses its magic (excuse the pun) when Harry becomes Harry the gunman rather than Harry the wizard.

 

Quick question: Wouldn't Dumbledore be able to get around the guards really easily, using Invisibility/Disillusionment and Notice-me-Not charms?

 

The first time he tries, it will be overtly and obviously, which will give the military the warning necessary to bring in their wizards/Special Ops. Guns won't beat magic, in fact it will be lots of wizards with guns beating fewer wizards. I believe the only way Harry will be able to get free is if he learns the magic Dumbledore wants him to, and accepts his fate, which he won't, or if he defeats Voldemort. So, he'll be trying to use his magic skills, and other's magic skills, as well as some big guns to beat Voldemort.

 

I would not read a fic based on this premiss.

It just sounds dull. You'll have about 10-15 chapters of Harry training with guns and emotionally bonding with gruff soldiering types. On occassion there will be an "attack" by Dumbledore, and Harry will be defended by others while he sits around and feels angsty.

If we're really lucking one of the gruff soldiering types Harry has developed a close bond with will die in one of Dumbledore's attacks. Then we'll get 5 chapters of Harry moaning, blaming himself, and hating on Dumbledore.

This fic has no potentail. The idea if broken, like my computer's spell check, but unlike my computer's spell check, it can't be fixed as soon as I get back to the States and reinstall Word.

 

Malaga, why would wizards a) work for the muggle government? and b) carry any guns what so ever? Magic can out do any muggle technology whatsoever. It can vanish a gun, banish a missile, stop anyone from noticing the wizard in question. It can kill with two words, it can kill with one word.

Why would it be interesting to read about Harry being a boy soldier? Him doing endless drill wouldn't be particularly interesting. Nor would him sharing moments of emotional bonding with old soldiers. Nor would him angsting and moaning about 'teh evilness' that is Dumbledore.

 

Maybe I could see the 'Supportive Dursleys/Badass!Harry' helping a super!Indy!Harry along, but besides that I don't see where this story could go and I'm sorry to say that Super!Indy!Harry just isn't my kind of story.

It would be interesting -but no more then any other Harry story- to see Harry trying to adapt into wizarding environs after living in a military camp where he is used to 'thank you sir, may I have another', but now has to deal with roudy, immature kids with a useable weapon at all times. That would just lead to a lot of angst or an angry!Harry who likes to beat up on others with a pistol whip or with his martial arts.

 

Twin, I think stained future might be going a bit to far. I liked the beginning idea of the fic. Them sending Harry to a military school as a child and actually somewhat liking him could allow an author to do plenty of things to Harry's personality that canon, abused Harry doesn't give us. It was just the middle and end that turned sort of meh. The second I read that he wouldn't be going to Hogwarts and that he would grow up as G.I. Joe I knew that it would be another boring muggle!Harry fic. But the beginning idea is certainly not stained future.

 

General Potter

You need more conflict. Suppose this: Voldemort came back in first year. In second year the basilisk got loose, and so did mini-voldemort. They teamed up and are terrorizing the wizarding world. Dumbledore is desperate and needs Harry more than ever because he is the prophecy child but has so few men to spare because the wizarding world needs protection after all from regular death eater attacks.

What you got here is a desperate Dumbledore, a powerful evil, and a reluctant hero. Good basis for story.

I'm doing this.

I'll have the first chapter out by night time. It will be about 10k words.

The title is:

General Potter

Because he will be a general in later life in my fic.

Lets see do I have enough to write a full length fic? Full length as in more than 50k. Ok here's my planning part of this post.

Chapter One: Harry is training in the military academy, Voldemort is planning an attack against Gringotts, and Dumbledore is once again trying to convince Harry to come and train in magic.

Chapter Two: There is a battle between OoTp and deaht eaters at diagon alley. The goblins ally themselves with ootp, things are looking up for the light side. It turns out to be a distraction, Voldemort was really aiming for the ministry. The government falls.

Chapter Three: Dumbledore becomes very desperate, he kidnaps Potter and forces him to learn magic. Meanwhile he also pleas with the common wealth and British allies for help. They have their own problem and can't help out in a civil war. The muggle prime minister knows things are bad and decides to take the war to the wizarding world.

Chapter Four: mini-voldemort attacks Hogwarts through chamber of secrets with the basilisk (her name is Nannaly), killing a hundred or so students, almost a quarter of Hogwarts population. Dumbledore doesn't know what to do now, he has to protect school but he also has to reestablish the government. Gringotts goblins refuse to help hogwarts and closes the bank. The wizarding economy takes a down turn because other countries don't want to trade with british wizards if the ydon't have any money.

chapter five: dumbledore takes Harry under his wing with intense private training. He is their trump card. He is forced into it, even though he doesn't want to and discovers he likes the wizarding world...

Chapter six: snape kills dumbledore

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Thats what I have so far, what do you guys think? Will have the first chapter by tonight. i am so goddam excited, my hearts thumping like a cheetah.

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I have a lot of spare time, maybe I'll do a lightning on the wave and update a chapter a day. At least until summer vacation is over. Then back to school.

 

It sounds like the changes you've made will really help, and I can't wait to read this. However, a few issues:

What are the muggle problems? And why would they help a man who kidnapped one of the people they were protecting?

Also, what is going to happen to the Dursleys? They have to actually be family, or Harry wouldn't be going to military academy, but how are you going to keep him in the wizarding world when they aren't. It looks like they'll have to be killed off, maybe in Chap. 4.