Yeah what's going on with that? Manah? What? I can sort of get Hein as Jensen's mission is going to fly parallel to the Spectre sanctioned one. But I don't get why Liara has been...removed I guess?

Is her replacement even canon? I don't even know anymore.

 

Does it matter? If it makes for a good story I'm all for it, and the author has said he's going much deeper into Asari society, Justicars, etc.

 

Considering that it looks like he's replacing her character with some JRPG character going by what someone posted above, yes, it matters.

Going into the Asari culture is fine, just don't replace pre-existing characters with more stupid rip-offs.

 

I have to admit, even though I do like the story, I can't figure out the reason to completely remove Liara from the story. I can get behind adding OCs to the original cast or killing off certain main cast characters, but I fail to understand erasing a primary character all together only to replace her spot in the universe with an OC. I don't know why the author didn't just give Liara a sister and either let Liara join up with the Normandy's crew or simply kill her off as well.

 

The author just updated the story with two more chapters today. He is still managing to make this story interesting even though it is no longer a cop-thriller set on the citadel. I'm really liking the story as it is so far.

Although, I'm not sure how much I like the Black Queen thing.

 

I liked the beginning of this story.. but with each new chapter I am less interested in it. So much new invented stuff like armor, whole groups etc. that isn´t needed. There are nearly no real Deus Ex or Mass effect elements remaining.

 

Yeah I'm with Erandil and Amoral Philosopher. I really liked the beginning of this where there were some differences. Now it seems like the story is being riddled with all these little AU differences that make me uncomfortable. There's not a whole lot that I'm enjoying in this anymore.

This would have been good enough if it had just been about human history being turned off of cybernetics and developing alternative tech. Then Jensen and the ME cast dealing with this. Now we have The Black Queen, replaced characters, a "wow look how crazy I am" Commander, hard asses with silly names, and the best mech ever for our already "super" cop.

There are some alright ideas buried around here...but I feel like they could be good by themselves - not slammed together into one story.

 

Yeah, I'm done with this. I'm lowering my score to a 2/5. This guy seriously needs to rethink this story and the material he's basing it off of.

 

I'm also downgrading my score to 3,5/5.

The story was good till the end of the cop-drama on Citadel - even including a full scale rip-off of Snatcher it was good. It kept pace and the tone of that particular type of story, but after that it started going downhill.

With all the references - personally I blame Spacebattles topic for being a constant circle jerk of praise and suggestions on "shout-outs" - and rip-offs this story is quickly becoming too muddled to get a hang on who is who and what the fuck is going on.

Oh, and stuff like this, that is posted on ff.net version is just pure laziness:

Also Erandil is totaly right - right now there are really no DX or ME elements remaining except names.

Sad to see a quite good fic turn into guilty pleasure

 

While I really dislike the constant shoutouts and have expressed my opinion over in the spacebattle forum, you guys seem to be forgetting the real purpose of fiction; telling a good story. I don't care if he goes off the rails in terms of making an AU if it makes for a solid story, as that's the point. His job as an author is not to fellate the fandom over how awesome their particular universe is but rather to tell an interesting tale.

Now, if he's succeeded in making his story a solid ride is a different question. Frankly I don't get how you'd have trouble keeping characters straight nor how the AU elements make you uncomfortable. I have problems with the fic, namely the shoutouts, how he's definitely gone overboard with Hein, and that the pacing at times can be somewhat off. Attacking the fic for not being pure Deus Ex and Mass Effect seems somewhat idiotic and against the spirit of good fiction however.

 

I enjoyed the references beforehand, but they've gotten out of control in recent chapters. It's as though every other sentence is a call out to something, and it breaks the flow and immersion.

 

Jensen is accompanied by a bunch of super marines commanded by a mix of House, Joker and Girl Genius style mad scientist - from a shitty Final fantasy movie. Their ship picked up a crew of Quarians with names and their entire characters blatantly based on shitty characters from Dragon Age, with token retarded kid that draws prophetic drawings. The Templars on Caleston are commanded by some douchebag from some jRPG that is looking for an asari that took Liaras place and is also based on some jRPG character. And on top of that Benezia suddenly has mind control powers through some artifact, that suspiciously looks like something that was pulled out of Warhammer 40.000.

Where is the fucking Deus Ex or Mass Effect?

 

Well, I hadn't caught up on recent updates, and now it looks like I won't. Pity, because it did start so well.

 

Maybe it's because I don't actually spot all of the shoutouts to the various stuff that are supposedly in the story, but it doesn't seem to be all that bad. Granted, the black queen is a bit wtf for me but at least that it is still within the possibility of Mass Effect so I leave it go.

 

IgnusDei's Reply - http://forums.spacebattles.com/thre...olution-thread-ii.247855/page-16#post-9845681

 

Oh please. It's not a matter of liking JRPGS and whatnot, it's a matter of whether they mesh with the universe. And they don't, for neither Deus Ex or Mass Effect.

When you say it's a Deus Ex/Mass Effect crossover, that's what you expect to see. Cybernetic augmentations and conspiracies set against a detailed space opera background with a looming apocalyptic threat. I can think of a couple ways one could fuse those two universes without compromising their spirit, but this guy just isn't interested in that apparently.

Let's say the author's approach was replicated in another story. If you're reading a Harry Potter/Dresden Files crossover, would it be acceptable for you if Batman and Solid Snake showed up in the middle of it out of the blue?

 

Why are you so fixated on it being a ME/DE crossover? It's a work of fiction first and foremost, then a utilization of the fandom second. There are plenty of things to fix in the story, notably the pacing, occasional poor characterization, and some general tech masturbatory tendencies yet you're completely hung up on the fact that Jensen isn't just taking Shepard's place but for built in sunglasses!

Okay, that's a bit of hyperbole (a lot of hyperbole) but you're highlighting one of the most toxic aspects of fanfiction fandom in your critic; not being dedicated to telling a good tale, but rather being all about the piece that spawned the work. Seriously, ignore all the references for a moment. Pretend every character had their name taken straight out of a random Babynames page. Look at the issues you'd have then. There are plenty to get irritated about but the piece is still fairly solid. Try and mold your criticism towards an actual productive goal rather than "The guy has the same name as this other guy from that other thing!" NOT REALLY HYPERBOLE

 

Maybe because the title of the story is "Mass Effect: Human Revolution", it says "Me/Dex:HR" in the thread title and on FFN it's listed under "Deus Ex + Mass Effect Crossovers".

Fan fiction. There is a distinction, and I'm not sure you're aware of it.

Both of those elements are equally necessary.

Look, if he still wants to call this thing a Mass Effect/Deus Ex crossover then he needs to actually fuse those together, without adding in a bunch of unnecessary chaff. If he wants to keep it as a multi-franchise crossover (read: clusterfuck) he needs to just come out and say that, and change the title and summary so people don't get the wrong idea coming in.

I also suggest reading Renegade by Peptuck if you want a good example of how a Mass Effect crossover should be handled. In that story's case it's a Mass Effect/Command and Conquer fusion, and he actually manages to fuse the universes together, without outside elements clogging it up and while keeping true to the spirit of both franchises.

 

Right so I feel like the fundamental problem we have here is that of different expectations. When I started reading this I was mostly interested in seeing Jensen interact uniquely with the Mass Effect universe. That was the primary hook. The addition of some cool backstory was fine. I'm even good with the templars. They make sense in the context of the sort of xenophobic bigotry we see in ME1 anyway.

My problems (and I think most of the other people complaining here) have more to do with the elements that don't fit. The issue is there are a lot of extra bits and pieces being added to this story, and they don't all seem necessary. I'm not interested in the hard-ass mercs or Hein (just an example, not the sole cause either). These things lessened my enjoyment and ended up making me less receptive to even the somewhat in-universe stuff later (See the Black Queen).

It's honestly nothing personal. I just liked this a whole lot more when everything was focused on Jensen, Garrus, and implicating Saren. It feels like there are too many competing elements that I have no interest in right now.