In spite of the fact that alternate dimension/time travel stories almost never work, I found myself intrigued by this premise. The idea that he has to change things in order to continue to exist was interesting...ripples in a pond. It also gave me hope to know that things won't be playing out the same way so Harry can rely on his foreknowledge.

On the positive side I think this story deserves three cheers since the first thing Harry did was not confide in Dumbledore or free Sirius...like every other one of these stories does. Also the basic premise of the story seems to encourage change.

On the negative side the author was overly descriptive on things he didn't need to be. And he changed Harry's appearance...which is something everyone else always does. Harry does not need to look 'cool' or have red highlights to remind Snape about Lily & not James. If Harry wants to get on Snape's good side & remind him of Lily then they should talk about Lily...no matter how much Snape hates the spawn of James Potter, I think if the word Lily had ever left Harry's mouth he would have the undivided attention of his potions professor.

The real test I suppose will be once Harry gets to Hogwarts in seeing how the author balances the new with the familiar. It's to early to rate this story & there is room for improvement...but it does show a bit of promise.

 

Well, finding myself with some free time for the next few days I came around the forum looking for something to read and I was completely surprised to find this thread and this story posted in it. Especially considering that its only two chapters long and I haven’t really started kicking up any dust for it to count as anything special.

That, and because I’m every reader’s worst nightmare: an author who doesn’t have the time to write.

Yet, the story is still posted here and somewhat well received (which surprised me a bit), so I’ll venture to comment on a few of the things that have been pointed out about it so far:

My fics are all known for being a bit too Light in this Dark forum, and my writing style more than slightly flowery I’ve been told. It’s the reason why my mind boggled when I saw this posted here. And no, I don’t entirely dislike the latter books, though I abhor the epilogue.

I wasn’t really aiming to highlight Snape as much as its been pointed out, but more about giving Harry a sense of preemptive-ness to his actions. Snape, being his most ardent antagonist throughout his Hogwarts years influenced Harry a great deal (much more than Malfoy’s petty rivalry, I think), so his aim with his actions is an attempt to neutralize that antagonism though the power that a first impression makes, firstly, and then other, more subtle things that only someone who knows his enemy as well as Harry does at the moment can pull off.

It’s a kind of manipulation, I understand. After all, making Snape ignore him is more beneficial in the long run than making him hate Harry more by moving against him, or acting like the man he hates when Harry knows full well that Dumbledore has firm reasons for keeping him on staff. If he has to dose himself with potions and worry about how he looks until they establish a more amicable repertoire, or at least make a change on what their relationship turned out to be, then he would count his actions as a success.

As is, the change of having a non-antagonistic Snape during his tenure at Hogwarts was too great to avoid, and had too many ramifications that Harry wasn’t willing to ruin. After all, Potions is his worst class, and one he needs to take for five years. Surely anyone with the opportunity to get into the good graces, or at least get off a hated teachers black-list, would jump on it, or am I wrong?

Is it really that suspect? I didn’t really want to give away the method, nor the entire reason behind his presence in this new dimension so early in the story. I know that people like knowing the reasons and having the answers as soon as possible but both what’s already written, the title and some rather broad hints give away the gist of it, I think. Then again maybe I’m only seeing this because I have the whole thing mapped out, so tell me if I’m wrong.

Apart from that, I’ll try to be less detailed in the story, but it’ll take some doing since that’s how my head works.

Well, if you have the gold and they can provide the service, why would you look elsewhere then? Then again, Harry also needs contacts within the bank, so he has more than one motive to use them, what with Hufflepuff’s Cup in the Lestrange Vault and all.

That, and Harry already knows that a Goblin always has a price, and he needed some help with his finances given his age. A human is out of the question, so a Goblin is what his mind provided at the time. Remember, while hindsight mind be 20-20, it doesn’t make Harry all-knowing, seeing as he’s had a rather sheltered life.

I always take my time setting foundations before picking up the pace, so the story will start moving along faster after Harry settles into Hogwarts again, which should happen in the next chapter.

As for the house elf being like Dobby, I’ll look into it when I revise the story next. It’s probably that I’ve read too many fics that depict house elves like that and didn’t really pay it too much mind when writing it out. After all, Toppy will not be a big part of the overall story.

Point is, it’s not that the house elf is important for the fic, but rather the House and the property which are important, and with Harry gone from it for most of the year, he needed a way to get everything ready, thus, a House Elf; not that a creature that is bound to follow his orders wouldn’t be useful as in other instances, mind.

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[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Apart from that, I thank you all for your comments. I’ll try to fic those things that I can and all. Like I said, I have a few free days from work, so if anyone has any questions, I’ll subscribe to this thread and see about answering them.[/font]

 

This was just updated, the latest chapter was pretty awesome. Maybe it's just that redo fics rarely surprise me during the train scene, but this left me entertained and impressed. There were quite a lot of subtle things for the reader to catch.

All in all, I'd probably give this a 4.5/5 if asked to rate this soon after reading the latest chapter.

 

Shrugs, nothing against the Puffs but a Harry Potter in another House is always an instant killer for me. Primarily because everything wanders away from the characters I'm interested in. And, come on, Harry might have a bit of Slytherin in him, but he's a Gryffindor through and through.

So, not a bad start. A little slow moving but nice attention to detail. The shopping scene was a tad long, I could have skipped that. But decently written and nice size chapters...but as I say, Harry the Hufflepuff? My interest just died.

 

This is quickly becoming one of my favorite fics. I like the writing stlye, however "flowery" it is (I stomached A Certain Slant of Light); it's a welcome change from the "rough" style of most DLP fics. I don't really care about why or how of Harry's trip to the past, and the change in appearance sits well with me. I've never read a fic that had Harry subtely change his appearance to look like Lily. That he did it for Snape is easily forgotten, as it really doesn't matter. As far as the house-elf being like Dobby... every house-elf is like Dobby, even Kreacher, after he warmed up to Harry. Some are just a bit more restrained. I don't mind him being in Hufflepuff either; what good is a story that just centers around the same old supporting cast?

You get a 5/5 from me.

 

needs a lot of work but i would like to see where this story goes.
3/5
I hope this story isnt abandoned though, hasnt been updated in a long time

 

Really now? I enjoyed those parts.

While I have to agree that to much details can suffocate a story, I found it refreshing to read something that is lavish on the details.