Title: Mel Granger, Dark Witch
Author: Codex Serpens
Rating: M
Genre: General/Tragedy
DLP Category: Dark Arts
Pairing: N/A
Status: WIP - works as a one-shot also.

Mel is Hermione and Ron's daughter, raised by Ginny and Harry. Ron is in Azkaban for Hermione's murder. Her mother's posthumous words tell her the truth, and Ginny's abuse finally drives Mel into the Dark Arts. Britain has a new Dark Lady to fear.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4478729/1/Mel_Granger_Dark_Witch
This at first glance might go against what most DLPers like, but please give it a try. I think this deserves a spot in the library - it is all the goodness of the author's other fic without the flaw of being too slow. Loved the mini-cliffie at the end. 9/10.

*NOT HARRY-CENTRIC AND IS AN POST-EPILOGUE FIC*

 

2/5.

My main problem is that like his other fic, it is far too wordy in your writing.It also tends to simply tell the reader what is happening, rather then allowing them to experience it.

Plot-wise, it needs some revision. I'll be honest when I say that I skipped several scenes once I established that Mel was abused by Ginny. I did double back to read some when I realized that Harry had been placed under some controlling potion by the Weasleys. Evil Weasleys? Acceptable if done correctly. Brand new magic system that is oh so powerful! Must be very well written to pull it off. Some girl who was apparently home schooled kicking Auror and Weasley ass? Remember, this is the daughter of Hermione and Ron - neither one exactly a magical powerhouse. Most importantly - this story stars an OC - so she better be damn well written. Right now the first thought that comes to my mind is a female wizard Macguyver from the way she operates.

If you're serious about making this a story, my top priority would be to tighten the language and plot up significantly. If you're going to introduce a super magic! - then you better do a damn good job of explaining it and making it interesting. Get rid of any neighbors or friends that aren't vital to the plot. They simply add unnecessary paragraphs. I'm assuming that you want this story to focus on how Mel was abused and Harry needs liberation. Make sure that every subplot/character is absolutely vital to the story.

 

Allow me to offer up two quotes from this... Gem...

Spoiler

After all, it was her fault that her mother was dead, and it was her fault that her father was in prison for life.

Spoiler

Uncle Harry had hugged her and kissed her before leaving. He never saw the furious look in his wife and children's eyes. Uncle Harry never does.
When aunt Ginevra dragged her by the hair into the cellar that morning, she had yelled that her mum and dad were coming to find her and rescue her, but all she earned besides a heavy slap on the face that knocked a couple of milk-teeth out was the sad reason she was kept in this house. "Shut up, Granger!" aunt Ginevra had yelled. "Your filthy mother's dead, and my brother's in Azkaban Prison because of you!"

So this fic can be summarised as Dark!WeasleySpawn, Potter!Abuse? Is this not simply Angsty Dursely Abuse; The Next Generation?

AHAHAHAH. No. Fail. 1/5.

Also, the author needs to punctuate their sentences a tad better, commas are desperately needed at some points.

 

Oh lord... I got bored like half way through the first chapter. Might just be me..

Edit:

....You think?

 

I didn't like it much either. Average fic.

 

No...just no. 1/5

 

The title + the description have made me think of this as insta-Recycle Bin material. 0/5. (or 1/5 if I can't vote 0)

 

I read the summary and realized the Author and OP should be shot. Then saw that Sree swooped in with the ban. It gets a .5/10 for the Summary.

 

Recycle bin is for 3 stars. Anything less and it is supposed to get deleted.

on topic: 1/5 since there is no 0

 

Post-DH fics need to have a very interesting concept and a solid summary, if I'm supposed to consider clicking the link.

This piece doesn't even come close to cutting it.

 

Decent Post-DH stories exist? Lies! And I started to read the first chapter, I hate it even more now. I give it a 0.5/100. It sucked no one should have to suffer this.

 

It doesn't rate as Library-worthy by any means, but it doesn't suck quite as hard as the reviews here claim.

It lacks backstory, utterly and completely. The abuse and the loveslave! bullshit admittedly remove any viable chance of it making the grade here regardless, but, given the limitations of the plot, it has been done reasonably well.

It sucks, but it isn't absolute shit. 2/5.

-

 

Well... Ginny dies in the end? It still doesn't make up for the FAIL. As mentioned before, the title sucks too ~~ Ridiculous. 1/5 = DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!

 

Forget it, this kind of trash shouldn't be able to get in here even...but it seems it did . I give a 1/5 if it existed I'd give minus points.

Just get it OF!

 

I kept thinking of Mel Gibson as a Dark Witch.

2/5 from me. Had the name been something like Fel, it'd be 1/5, but that mental picture was just too great.

 

*blinks* WTH is this shit? I think that a child who had grown up the way HP did even in canon would recognize the signs of pyschological/physical abuse. Aside from that little point, this sucked large, sweaty donkey balls. 1/5 from me.