Title: Merlin's Beard!
Author: Jarlzax
Rating: T
Genre: Humor
Pairing: None
Status: Complete
Summary: Harry Potter is visited by Merlin on his birthday! ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK! Read and Review, please. Featuring Malfoy Boobified, and a drunk Voldemort! ONESHOT I have been told that this story is kind of sick, and it curses alot. Both are true.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4154876/1/Merlins_Beard

 

...Fucking fail.

 

Words can't even begin to describe how awful this was. I would rather have a bowl of diarrhea than read this again.

 

Quite possibly the worst one-shot I've ever read.

 

You can pretty much tell from the summary it's a piece of shit.

Didn't stop me from wasting a few seconds of my life skimming it, though. GTFO/5.

 

This has to be worst then Mpreg fics, you fucking fail for posting this stupid shit.

PS- I never read a Mpreg story but they all fail anyway.

PPS- I would likely cry then laugh.

 

So, does this deserve to go the Recycle Bin or should we lock this thread and pretend it never existed?

PS - Great sig Scott. Similar opinion of Ginny here.

 

Unfunny, uninspired humor and complete with frightening overuse of exclamation points. This feels like a troll, to be honest, given that the author would like to draw the majority of the humor from stuffing the writing with swearing, pointlessly off-the-wall situations and severe failure to keep the characters remotely similar to their originals.

 

I thought it was going to suck shit. But, the summary said I was going to be wrong. So I read it and I found out it sucked shit. Fuck that summary, and fuck this piece of crap.

 

Wow... Just wow, and on your 1st post also!

-1/5

 

I couldn't finish the first few lines. The first dialogue turned me off instantly.

 

I’m going to try something new when reviewing attempts at humour. This is like a Rob Schneider flick.

 

Wtf is this shit? This is retarded. Doesn't even deserve a rating.

 

I am now feeling like a fool for reading it before reading the reviews. I can't even describe how truly awful this is. I've read better Mpreg fics as 3 in the morning whilst drunk than this piece of shit. I'll give a 1/5 on the forums but I maintain that his can not hold a candle to even the other 1/5 fics we've had. Whoever the fuck posted this can GTFO now.

 

- I really wonder if the ff.net reviewers are mocking him or if they seriously enjoyed it. It is a badly written synopsis for a poorly drafted story, retelling book five in 2202 words.

I vote for instant deletion, before even more people in here risk any more braincells with reading this thing.

 

I am scared right now, and Scarred, Right here *points to mind*.

 

Be Scared. I also vote for immediate deletion. Could a mod please remove this offensive piece of filth before someone else ends up reading and feeling the need to remove the scarring images from their brain with a spoon?

 

Kill it with Fire. The troll too.

 

Holy Hell, I agree, this is quite possibly the worst fic I have read, definitely the worst I have read that was recommended by someone at DLP. Someone, please delete this thread before any other unsuspecting members waste their time on this piece of unadulterated shit.