I like it. It is not the best hp fan fic but it is the best out of the four or five new
(or new to me) hp fan fics I have read this month.
(not includeing "turn me loose", but that is a sequel eh?)

I thought the twist on lockhart was good.

 

There are two alternate versions to this story that I’m working on, with different eventual pairings and a different story overall.

This bit in the Authors Notes at the start of FF.net version piqued my interest. I want to read the other one because, well, lets face it, HHr is not an easy pill to swallow most of the time. However, the FF.net version is but three chapters at present and i want to read.

I shall keep an eye on his FF.net account for this "second" fic.

 

This is a pretty good fic. There haven't been any above average ones lately, but this is surely above and beyond.

It doesn't give unnecessary details when covering first year, just enough to keep you interested and wanting to find out what happens next. It features a delightfully smart Harry who is able to recall memories instantly and who analyzes situations before acting upon them. Go figure.

There are also some very good ideas on magic, and on the ways it is used.

So far this is definitely a solid 4.5/5. Depending on how the romance is depicted, it could go up or down.

Very good read.

 

I was enjoying the fic untell i got to this little bit,

"Yeah," I said, returning the hug. "You can do that. I'm comfortable around you Pansy. It's like you're family." For some reason, that brought Pansy to tears, and she hugged me harder.

“Can we make that happen?” she asked me. “We can, you know. You could be a Parkinson if you wanted. I know my parents would agree.”

“Would I have to change my last name?” I was the last Potter that I knew of, and I would have hated to let the name die off. The prospect of having parents and a sister was a very cool idea, though.

Pansy shrugged, and then called for her dad. Soon Mr. and Mrs. Parkinson, Pansy and I were sitting in their living room, having a very thorough discussion about the merging of the Potter and Parkinson families.

“You’re not the only one in this situation,” Mr. Parkinson said. We are the last Parkinsons in Britain; once Pansy marries, unless the wedding is very unorthodox, the Parkinson name will die off with us. Livia and I weren’t planning on having children again.”

“In the case of us adopting you,” Mrs. Parkinson continued from her husband, “You would have the legal option of using either last name. I would imagine you’d still use Potter for yourself, and whoever you married would be Mrs. Potter, so that your family name lived on. You’d still have a legal claim to the name Parkinson, though, and your children could take on that last name as well.

Fuck the H/HR shit he could at least fuck pansy a few times befor he hooks up for life with hr --;

 

I have read it now and enjoyed it greatly. Good ideas, good concepts and a unique twist on Voldemort's resurrection. I'd like to see where this Basilisk-Voldemort plot line will end up and I will definitely read on.

On the downside, the HHr bothers me but almost as much as the HarryPityGinslut Fest that does go on but I was glad to see that he was not afraid to AK' her.

5/5 for magic concept and plot line - brought down to a 4/5 from the 12 year old romance which i fear is only about to get worse as time progresses.

 

Well-reasoned, interesting writing perspective, very decent ideas. 5/5 from me, because I haven't seen a fic as thoroughly thought out in ages.

 

I am still reserving my judgement on this. I may be a big H/Hr shipper for now, but Harry just seems too... overpowered for his age. He's studying ****ing Occlumency at age 11, for ****'s sake.

I shudder to imagine what sort of powers he will have/ learnt as he grows older. Multimagus? Wandless control over magic itself? Elemental powers? Please, no!

And yeah, I am disappointed that he hooked up with Hermione so early. I would have made much more sense if they only got together in their fourth year or beyond.

 

Lol, what can be said? Even the best of authors can become impatient where romance is concerned.

 

Meh. It's okay so far, but I'm just not seeing what some people are finding so special about it. Harry's little soap-box stand on the muggle vs. magical world is just sad. I don't care if you want the magical world to be super!uber!zomg better than the muggle world, but don't preach it to me b/c -I- don't give a damn.

The HP/HG issue is already leading into auto-fail territory with how fast it's developing. If I see the word "soulbond" show up anytime soon I'll drop the fic like a bad habbit.

All in all this fic is barely above average imo. 2.5/5

 

probably a solid 4/5 for me.

There are some things that annoyed me slightly like the instant agreement to become Pansy's family. Though im assuming it was rushed to just get Harry out of the Dursley's.

I really like how he portrays Dumbledore and Voldemort though. Dumbledore still gets to be insanely smart, powerful, and manipulative without being turned into a instant bad guy for "manipulating" Harry. I like fics where we can keep Dumbledore on our side instead of heaving this sudden third Harry led faction.

And i like that not only is Voldemort very strong, but hes very smart witch people always fail to show, he's very brutal which we all love here, and the story of how he became the death eater leader and changed them from and underground group to a dark arts wielding anti-mugle terrorist group was really cool.

And though Harry is powerful, lets be real here, hes still a 2nd year. Hes lightyears behind what he needs to be. The author basically painted the picture that to become a voldemort or Dumbledore your start off as a harry potter. I dont think he's going super Harry anytime soon, and if he does Voldie and Dumbles are still ultra-supers.
Looks like the author actually put some work into this one.

 

The story is fairly decent. I really like the take on magic. However, I also really hate the idea of a 11/12 year old Harry duelling Death Eaters. It does not even bear consideration, in my opinion.

3/5

Regards,
Maidros

 

This story is frustrating.

The author keeps it somewhat well-written, and skips over parts of the story that we already have a good grasp of through canon, and it reads like an autobiography. The comments on the origins of the Death Eaters and Voldemort, muggle life versus wizardry, magic theory and a closer relationship between, arguably the best character in the books, Albus Dumbledore, make this story an obvious choice for my favorites list. Hopefully, the author can keep up the addition of great ideas over an extended period of time.

However, the budding romance between Harry and Hermione, as well as the interaction between he and the rest of his friends is lacking the real quality to make The Obsidian Warlock a great author. Like any other self-respecting DLPer I enjoy bringing Luna and Pansy closer to Harry, but in this capacity, it lacks a good reason, especially since it has happened so quickly. Harry Potter-Parkinson...

Christ, people.

Also, the fight sequences are a tadbit ridiculous: limbs are torn from bodies and then replaced immediately, Voldemort has merged with a Basilisk (which I'm still trying to get my mind to wrap around) while simultaneously possessing Ginny Weasley... things are just implausible (by my standards).

But he did kill off Ron and Molly, threw an AK at Ginny, and murdered the Malfoys early on, so I can't argue against that.

Overall, I'd have to give this a 4, with room to go up or down depending on how fast this romance, and Harry's magic, matures. I'm also interested in reading the differences in the other two stories;

I'm throwing my vote in for no romance until he meets Fleur

 

It was good for the first...3-4 chapters, then it just plummeted into fangirl-land. I could swallow an early relationship, as long as it's not all "OMG HOLD ME!" and shit, but the way he presented it just seemed...out-there. It's like he was trying to force them into his view of their relationship about 4-5 years down the road, but without putting forth even the slightest amount of effort in stretching it over 4-5 chapters, and instead doing it in 4-5 paragraphs.

I found the fight in the Malfoy totally OOC for just about everyone, with no explanations given for why Pansy saved Hermione (saying things like "she's Harry's girlfirend" are bullshit and OOC), why Draco suddenly turns and attacks Hermione (despite the fact the author stated he made exceptions for her in Hogwarts) to be Harry's friend. Also, even if I could stomach the loss of limbs, I fail to understand how they wouldn't scream and pass out from the intense pain, since I imagine losing an arm or leg (or both) would hurt like a bitch.

Chapter 6 was just...hard to stomach. I liked the touches of a truly powerful Voldemort, but the way it was presented was just....awful. Merging with the Basilisk was sorta out there, and Harry invulnerablity was hard to believe without further and more detailed explanations. Definitely could have used more explanations on why he wanted Luna to be allowed close to him, as it was another one of the less-explained parts. And how Voldemort possessed Ginny was not explained, even if she was using the Diary he couldn't have known of his defeat or even about Harry, aside from what she told him.

Overall I'd give the story a tentative 3/5. 4/5 for everything up to chapter 5, when it started to go downhill, and 1/5 for everything from chapter 5 and 6.

 

The story has been updated a few times since the last post in this thread. It's very frustrating--in terms of writing quality, plotting, magical theory, and general bad-assedness the fic stays top notch. Even the characterization is pretty solid, with the giant exception of the Harry/Hermione (and now Harry-Pansy) stuff.

The author just isn't capable of writing either romantic or familial affection in a plausible way for this story, and I wish he hadn't tried.

I don't even know how to rate this fic. It's like a 0/5 for the relationship stuff, and a 7/5 for everything else.

 

I read the first chapter and was turned off because of the weird almost disjointed writing. It is like he is in the 6th grade and his teacher gave him a writing assignment about what he did the day before.

But then I looked at the mixed reviews here and decided to give it another shot. The writing is much better from chapter 2 on. While there are still some flaws, the descriptions of magic, and the majority of the characterizations make it worthwhile.

4/5

 

I'm surprised that my writing would have made it onto the site. Especially my first story.

I agree with most of the posters here: tons of mistakes, too much passive voice, and not enough focus on my secondary characters. Still, it's my first attempt at a story, and I'm pleased with it overall.

I intend to finish this one, flaws and all, before I write the Slytherin version, which is (in my opinion) a lot more suited to this site. More Equal than you Know is doomed to be the story that polishes my writing, while other stories I write benefit from it.

What I've appreciated about your comments thus far is that you point out exactly what you've appreciated and detested; good notes for any writer to have.

 

The story has been updated and TOW says that he shall overhaul the entire story to correct some of his previous mistakes.

This is definitely among my favorites now, mainly due to the magical ideas and society described in the story.

Magical superiority ftw!.

Nice work Obsidian Warlock, we need more stories; in what is arguably, a dying fandom.

 

I don't think I am necro'ing this thread or anthing I hope. At any rate I wanted to point out that the author has indeed been revising this story. The first chapter has been totally redone.

Matter of fact, I thought I was reading an entirely different story when I reread the first chapter. Gone is the disjointed points of Harry telling his story of meeting a seer who explained things to him.

At any rate, for those who have either stopped reading, or who have been just keeping up with new chapters, I do suggest you go back to the begining and start over.

I have no idea if some of the general issues that DLP folks have with the fic will be resolved, but at least for the first chapter it is way more readable than it was when it first came out.

 

I reread the first edited chapter and didn't like it that much. The old style was indeed passive and more 'tell' than 'show', but somehow, it had a good 'vibe', the continuity of narration that kept my attention glued to the screen.

This new stuff is basically made out of flashbacks, with some narration in between. I hate flashbacks. And the narration seems artificial and stupid. Everything seems chopped and needlessly forced into segments.

IMO he should have stuck with the old style. It suited his writing style and plot better.

 

I'm sorry, I know people will curse the bump, but I just had to say this:

HARRY POTTER HAS MAGIC JIZZ

Cracked me up.

Surprisingly good, if in need of pruning. However, for the large part characters are subsumed by the extensive systems of magic he has fabricated, and the larger issues of politics and the like. That, frankly, makes them a bit bland. Still, coherent overall and quite deserving of a 4/5.